Deep Purple
Part Twelve
It was terrifying how such a loud, booming voice could explode from
such a small man. Such a small, old man.
Anya shook, taking as slow steps to the front of the group. She didn't
go further than Buffy and Spike, hoping that at least they'd protect
her against any threat.
"Hello, Daddy. You're looking well." She smiled nervously and ignored
the stunned gasps behind her.
"Wait just a bleeding minute," Spike demanded. His eyes shone as he
contemplated the girl who had complained long and hard about how
terrified she was of rabbits and then looked over at the almost
apoplectic rage on the man she called 'father.' He grinned, feeling
strangely impressed at the girl's gumption. "This is your old man?"
"You took out vengeance on your own father?" Willow was horrified,
staring at the presumably misjudged man with a flood of sympathy.
"That w-was...ah...r-really brave o-of you," stuttered Tara, She very
obviously didn't know how to react to something that seemed quite
heinous, even if it probably had a good explanation.
"What exactly did your father do to you to warrant such harsh
punishment?" Giles looked on, disgust warring with fear as he thanked
his lucky stars that he'd managed to put this girl permanently out of
commission—even if he had no memory of doing such. She was far too
creative for her own good.
"He introduced me to Olaf," she mumbled in reply, tears tumbling from
her eyes. "And he gave me rabbits," she whined before breaking down
completely, turning into Xander's chest and sobbing her terrified heart
out. "They just kept copulating and making m-more and more rabbits,"
she cried, burying her snuffly nose into her boyfriend's shirt.
The stunned boy just patted her back comfortingly as his shocked gaze
surveyed the scene. Friends horrified, some laughing silently, Giles
looking as pale as Spike. How was a guy to react to a thing like this?
Except maybe to be very relieved that he wasn't actually dating a demon
this time.
Carrot Guy quickly reached his limit of patience and stepped forward,
the centuries of fear evident in the way his body just seemed to shake
all on its own. "You!" He pointed a crippled finger at his daughter,
hate and betrayal making his lips white. "I have been searching for you
for over a thousand years. You will pay for what you have done."
"But I-I'm human now," Anya whined.
Her father seemed to spasm, his eye twitching as he tried to tamp down
the fury that swelled and rocked him around. "I was always human, you
vengeful hussy!"
"How did you get out of the Hydrock dimension? I sent you there for—"
Anya said impertinently.
The carrot man's green eyes gleamed with glee. "Eleven hundred years.
Yes. My time's up now."
"Oh. But I thought—"
"What?" He stepped forward, forcing his daughter back against the beefy
boy she'd huddled against. "You thought I would be stuck caring for
ravenous, wererabbits forever? Or perhaps you merely thought they would
eat me once my time was done? Not that they haven't tried." And like a
man who had been without human company in for far too long, a man with
no scruples and no modesty, he turned and yanked down his pants,
exposing his backside that was missing a huge chunk of cheek.
"Oh my God," squealed Willow, hiding her eyes fast behind her hands.
There was a tremendous boom of thunder and they all looked up at the
sky as a gathering flurry of storm clouds moved in on the brightly
shining, full-moon. It took seconds before comprehension and then both
Anya and Willow screamed together.
"Oh God, I must have miscalculated. It's a full moon," squealed the
redhead in panic. The sky objected to their voices again, making the
earth shake and vibrate.
"Okay," Buffy conceded, eyeing the group of friends that were sitting
ducks for bunnies with gnashing teeth and feral tendencies. "I'm
thinking we need a plan." She turned to the Carrot Guy, her stare
bearing him down until he nearly shook off his feet with fear and
trepidation. "Where are you keeping the rabbits? And even better, how
do I get rid of them?"
"I don't know." He looked set to run, poised on the tips of his toes,
knees bent.
Buffy stared at him stupidly, blinked, stared some more. "You don't
know?" She looked around at Spike, Giles, Willow, glared at Anya and
Xander, and smiled nervously at Tara. Eyes turning hard and dangerous
as the threat got nearer the longer they wasted time, Buffy turned back
to the little man. "How the hell do you not know? You're the keeper of
them thar rabbits. Tell me how I kill them. Which direction will they
appear from?"
"Look." Anya's father became frantic, his eyes darting desperately
around for some sign of the creatures he spent most of his time being
terrified of. "I hate the things as much as she does," he claimed while
pointing a shaky digit at his betraying daughter. "If I knew how to get
rid of them, I'd have done it long before now. All I do is grow the
carrots, toss them some occasional lettuce, they grow and then two days
a month I hide and pray to a god that obviously has forsaken me that my
knees knocking together won't give away where I am."
Giles looked horrified. "You poor man. And you've done this for over a
millennia?" The Watcher shook his head and favoured his shop-keeper
with a disappointed once-over. "Anya, I'm afraid you must make this
right with your father. You make me heartily glad I had no offspring.
You'll be putting him in a home next, I feel sure."
It seemed to hit them all at once, though Anya was resolute in her
lack-of-caring as she refused to look at her father, rather continued
hiding in Xander's shirt.
"W-what will happen when you a-aren't Keeper anymore?" Brave Tara asked
what none of them wanted to, making possible certain revelations they'd
prefer not to consider. "Are you h-human?"
He looked exhausted as he replied; exhausted and crippled with relief.
"What I am is an old man. If I am released, I will die. Do not think it
is short of what I wish. Anyanka stole away the rest of my life, and
now I have lived so long with fear that I am well wishing to be rid of
it. There is no need to worry about me. Just take away this curse and
let me die in peace."
The fine hairs on the back of her neck standing up in pure static was
enough to tell Buffy it was time to get on with it. "Okay, so the
carrot man doesn't have a plan. Willow, ideas?"
The redhead jumped at being suddenly called upon, but even she was
feeling the exposure of being out in the dark under a full moon while
the ground rumbled in all new ways on the Hellmouth. "A plan?" She
looked like she was too terrified to think of one, screaming suddenly
when the first feral giant rabbit started hopping so hard that the
ground shuddered around them. "RUN!" And the redhead did, the rest
following. Buffy could almost guarantee she had no knowledge of them
being able to move so fast. Particularly Giles.
The Caretaker led them to the crypt, slamming the heavy door closed and
reinforcing it with several strong bolts that hadn't been there before.
Spike stopped and admired them before giving an approving slap on the
back that sent Anya's father spiralling into the door and Spike
slithering in pain at their feet.
"Bloody hell. I can't even be all friendly now without getting a
headache?"
"Spike," Buffy shrieked, all her nightmares approaching too much
reality for her peace of mind. "Get up and make with the plan making.
We need to get rid of the furballs before they make you a dust storm."
"You want me to think up a plan?" he asked incredulously as he dusted
himself off. "You seen the results of any of my plans? They don't tend
to the side of successful, luv."
"Well, well—" she stuttered, highly sensitive to the danger that waited
beyond the crypt door. "So now's your chance to get successful. If you
don't—"
The tears in her eyes stopped everyone cold until a flurry of panicked
ideas blindsided Willow, and she saw a werebunny-free existence in her
very near future.
"We'll send them away. To a-an alternate universe." Sure, her voice was
as weak as her confidence, but she knew she could do it. Maybe.
"Huh? You can do that?" Buffy held all the hope any of them could need
and Willow nodded.
"Already done it. Hello. Olaf anyone?"
"Didn't you send him to the dimension of Trolls?" Buffy jumped as there
was a sudden thud on the crypt door.
"Pretty sure," Willow confirmed nervously. "I mean, absolutely."
Xander snickered and then shared a knowing look with Spike. "Send him
the rabbits. Might be tastier than babies and fair maidens."
Willow and Tara looked horrified, and then the red-witch just looked
frazzled.
"What about supplies?" asked Anya, her eyes refusing to wander to the
little man that could kill her with just one of his furious glares.
"You know what I'm thinkin'?" Xander broke in with only a touch of his
normal hysteria heightening his voice. "I'm thinking, 'what the hay'
with the supplies. Let's just word up and whoosh those furry creatures
to outer space or troll land or wherever the hell isn't here. Sound
good? Good." He grinned, faux confidence making him appear slightly
manic and unhinged.
"S-sure," agreed Willow. "A g-good witch never relies on supplies."
"And if there is one thing we are absolutely positive about," Buffy
said, attempting to boost morale even as her voice weakened and she
felt tears looming on the edge of disaster. "Willow is a good witch."
There was silence.
Giles looked at Buffy.
Buffy looked at Spike.
Spike looked at Xander.
Xander gulped and offered Tara a lopsided grin.
Tara looked wide-eyed at her girlfriend.
Anya huffed because no one was looking at her.
A werebunny slammed again with much force into the door and one of the
bolts started to send puffs of dust into the air.
On the count of two, they all screamed and ran for the back of the
crypt.
Clutching weapons, Buffy and Spike stood in front of the gang. Filled
with duty and determination, Buffy kept trying to nudge Spike back, not
giving a damn if she was trampling on his male pride as long as she
saved his unlife to dust another day.
"So Wills, with the lack of ingredients and all, on a scale of one to
ten, how likely do you think it is that sending them to Olaf might
actually work?" Buffy kept her back to her friend, staring at the door
so she'd be ready the second anything overly large with fluffy tails
and shiny fangs came hopping through.
"On a scale of one to ten? Oh at least a...um...three?"
"Oh God." Xander began to shake in his very manly work boots. "We're
all gonna get bitten and turn into really unattractive gigantic
rabbits."
The banging seemed to become more organised, more intent to gain the
prize behind the sealed door.
"That bunny is going to have a really sore head when it stops doing
that."
Everyone stopped to stare at Tara like she had horns poking out of her
head.
"Oh, and I supposed you'd have us give it a lovely head massage before
it eats us," Anya spat nastily, crumbling immediately against Xander
again as the hopelessness of it all sank in and she accepted the very
real consequence of her vengeance.
Everything went quiet, so quiet that Buffy thought she could hear
everyone's heartbeats over their frantic pants of fear. And then with
the no warning, one tremendous bang and the crypt door connected
jarringly with the wall, a gunshot crack still ringing in their ears.
"Oh crap. I don't want to have a fluffy bunny tail and long pointy
ears," Xander whimpered, completely forgetting his terrified girlfriend
as he approached meltdown in his pants.
"Yeah, because they're really thinking of just biting your arse and
letting you live." Spike rolled his eyes at the git's stupidity, and
landed on the caretaker. The one who had half his butt cheek missing.
"Oi. How come you aren't all with the werebunny action? They bit you,
right?"
Anya's father seemed disgusted that he should be scrutinised after the
pain he'd experienced for over a thousand years. Rabbits too big to get
through the crypt doorway attempted to loosen the slab walls from the
ground to get to their prey as he huffed and puffed indignantly. "I am
the keeper. They kill me, they have no food. I seem to be safe from the
normal consequence of a bite from a werecreature. Then again, perhaps
that was one more of Anyanka's clauses. Allowing me to be one of the
creatures would have given me some kind of vengeance, and we can't have
that, can we!"
The walls seemed to rock around them and Buffy looked nervously around
her. She had no worries about Spike dusting before her eyes if the
crypt collapsed and made them all human-pancakes before the possibility
even arose.
"You know what?" Buffy turned and gave a strong, encouraging smile to
her redheaded witchy friend. "Let's give that spell the old college
try."
"Oh!" Willow nodded, then slowly stepped closer to the frontline. The
first words came out on a tremble, but her voice gained strength as her
confidence grew. "Instrumentum ultionis, telum fabuloso, surge, surge,
terram pro voca."
Dust began to fall from the ceiling, and the beams began to shift
slightly.
"Vola cum viribus, dominum tuum nega. Vola!"
They all took a horrified step back as the sharp teeth viewable through
the open door glowed green and the eyes of the mammal became lethal
with a matching glow.
And then Willow-the-all-powerful stepped forward, her arms outstretched
and her eyes focused in deadly intent on her subject.
"Let the transposition be complete."
Once again the silence was grating. The crypt stopped moving and the
earth was still. The one rabbit they had been able to see was gone and
nothing was rushing to take its place. Buffy crept toward the door and
peeked outside into the dark. The clouds had drifted away long ago and
the moon shone down in a happy, celebratory glow, not allowing anything
to hide in the shadows. They were gone, and Buffy never knew such
relief.
"Willow!" she squealed, overcome that her friend might have just got it
right this time. Buffy was determined to blank out the possibility that
Willow hadn't sent the feral monsters somewhere else in their
world—although there were no doubts that she'd hear about it if she
had. "Go you with the bunny translocating."
"Ooh." The old man suddenly dropped to the floor, his heart weakening
at a rapid rate but he with a huge smile on his face. "You've saved me
at last." The first expression of kindness crossed his face as he
thanked Buffy and her friends, steadfastly ignoring including his
daughter in the group.
"Hey." Xander stepped up, eager to ask something before the man was
moved on for good. "Mind if we take some of your carrots?"
The Caretaker looked horrified, gargled and died.
"I'm betting that meant no, Harris. But you go right ahead, eat the
steroid-ridden veges." Spike ate up Xander's filthy look and rocked on
his heels, amused and yet deflated that he'd missed out on a fight. He
always felt good and fired up for Buffy at the end of a good workout
with the killing.
Buffy just sighed, took inventory and was grateful no one got hurt. One
by one they headed out into the night, leaving the slightly battered
crypt behind them. Buffy walked beside Spike, admiring that he'd not
needed to be asked to pick up the man that had once been the hand in
raising Anyanka—and that thought almost crippled her with its
wigginess. Giles trotted at an enthusiastic pace, forcing Tara and
Willow to almost run to keep up with him as they headed back indoors.
"You guys want to come to the hospital with us?" Buffy wasn't surprised
when Anya looked like she'd been slapped, reeling back from the
suggestion with all the flair of someone whose past was well behind her.
"I think we're good," Xander answered for them both. He grimaced as
looked at the body hanging over Spike's shoulder and thanked whatever
God had momentarily stilled Spike's tongue from rightly pointing out
that he should be doing the conveying of the corpse. "Have a...night, you
two." And he led Anya away, shuddering intermittently as the image of a
vicious giant animal with misleading whiskers flashed in his mind's eye.
"See! Now you can understand why I dressed up as a rabbit for
Halloween. Those animals are vicious." Anya shook as she walked beside
her manly-shaped boyfriend, her stomach roiling with the hangover of
too much rabbit interaction. She was not even slightly cured of this
particular phobia.
"Oh, you betcha. I'm never going to be able to look the Easter Bunny in
the face ever again. All that beautiful chocolate...lost!" Xander
wandered away with tears budding in his eyes and Buffy watched them go.
She hated to think how much the therapy would cost them when they had
kids.
"So, I guess you're like my...husband now, huh?"
Spike turned with a huge grin taking over his face and Buffy almost
tripped with how gorgeous and happy he looked.
"Newlyweds, baby! And you know what that means—"
If she didn't, she truly should look into a brain transplant. Buffy
blushed with eagerness and started estimating the time it would take to
quietly lay Anya's father's body to rest on an unsupervised gurney.
Which she didn't anticipate would be as difficult as it should have
been. Most people were selectively blind in Sunnydale.
"My mom's out tonight," she admitted coquettishly, battering her
eyelashes like a pro.
"Always thought your mom was incredibly considerate."
Oh yeah, she was so gonna get it tonight.