I AM YOURS 
By: PetiteMiel 

Chapter Twenty-Three
 

William sat on the floor of his study staring into the fire. He reached out, playing with the embers watching as the sparks lifted to the air above, caught on the passing breeze. Then laying the hot poker on the marbled hearth he sat back, the sight of the flames blurring before him. 

Wiping absently at the tears that streaked his face he brushed them aside with the back of his hand, wishing he could so easily brush away his thoughts as well. For the last three days he had done nothing but brood. It was not an activity he was prone to and not one he enjoyed but he could not rid himself of thoughts of Angelus or his behavior toward the creature. 

The young man had barely slept since the Steven's party. His dreams were troubled, clouded with images of the dark vampire. His mind replayed the scene a thousand times as he watched Angelus' approach him. He could still see the smile he wore, feel the vampire's body pressed against his and feel the kiss lingering upon his mouth. William could barely stand to wake from such dreams to find them but a memory. His hand rose unconsciously touching his lips and he shuddered at the thought. 

Rising from the floor he ran a shaking hand through his unkempt hair and tried to deny the way he felt but there was no denying what he knew to be true. He wanted the vampire and the thought terrified him. He had never felt such things for another man and he did not know what to do. Who could he turn to for counsel that would not condemn him? Were not such thoughts and acts as these those of the wicked and damned he thought as he sat down on the window seat overlooking the garden. 

He pressed his head to the cool glass and looked out at the street feeling lost. The fog had settled in, swirling around the base of the gaslights that lined the walk giving the world an eerie glow. His mind too was in a fog and he didn't know how to clear the fog away. He was troubled to his very soul and he had yet to find an answer that did not end with him in Hell for all eternity suffering for his sins. 

William sighed deeply, closing his eyes as he sat quietly trying to sort it all out. He had been drawn to Angelus from the first moment he had seen him, unable to look away. He had tried to tell himself that it had been a spell but he knew it was something more. 

All his life William had felt trapped, trapped by the rules of society. It was a society that stifled its feelings and hid its desire's and Angelus was a being that did neither. The vampire took what it wanted without hesitation, without worry of reprisals. William opened his eyes the thoughts spinning through his mind. He wanted that too. He didn't want to hurt people as Angelus did but he wanted that kind of freedom, the freedom to say what he liked, to go where he chose and be what he was. Perhaps it had been this that had intrigued him so. 

The young man wanted something else as well and it was only now after days of searching within himself that he finally understood what that something was. He wanted to be loved, fully and completely. He wanted to be desired and needed and he wanted to feel that way for someone else. William wanted to be possessed, taken, owned, to be loved so deeply that neither the laws of man nor God could stand in the way of it. 

But was he capable of loving someone that way he wondered. What did he know of love? There had been a young woman or two that had caught his eye, infatuations in his youth but he had never really been in love. He had never cared for someone that deeply or wanted someone that completely. He wanted to love someone so much that he lost himself and found himself at the same time but what chance was there of that? 

He had spent his life being a companion to his widowed mother and he would most likely remain that way, alone until the day he died. It was the last thought that brought the tears a new and he angrily swiped at them but he could not make them stop. He did not want to be alone.

The sudden tapping on the glass beside his head made him jump and he stumble backward almost falling to the floor in his haste. Angelus stood in the garden a look of deep concern etched across his features and William stared back at him uncertain what to do. A moment's hesitation and he crossed the hard wood floor to the hall. He stopped, brushing the tears away and straightened his disheveled clothes as best he could before walking to the door. Opening it slowly he watched as Angelus stepped up onto the small porch. 

"What do you want?" William's voice was hoarse and raw and it sounded harsh in his own ears. Angelus looked at him thoughtfully seeing his distress and smiled wanly at the young man before speaking.

"Merely the pleasure of your company. Will ya' come and sit in the garden with me?" The vampire asked.

"No. I can't. You shouldn't be here." He answered quietly keeping the door between him and the demon. 

"Ah, but it is such a fine night. Can ya' not spare even a moment to enjoy it?" 

"Please you need to leave." William pleaded, his voice trembling slightly.

"Is that truly what ya' want boy?" Angelus asked seeing the tears in William's eyes.

"No but she'll see you." He cried unable to hold back the tears any longer as he took a furtive look toward his mother's sitting room. 

"Then come and walk with me lad. She'll not see me then." Angelus replied quietly stepping closer as William quickly stepped back.

"Don't be afraid Little One. I can not enter lest ye invite me in." William stared back at the vampire biting his lower lip. 

"Truly?" 

"Truly. I'll not harm ya' lad." Angelus offered trying to put the boy at ease.

"Do you promise?" William asked looking up at the dark haired demon shyly.

"Aye, I promise. I'll not do anything ya' don't want me to." The vampire answered smiling at the young man's trust. 

"I have to get my coat." William responded turning away toward the study. He found his jacket folded over the back of the chair and donned it quickly. Returning to the door he glanced at the sitting room, the sound of his mother's quiet singing making him stop. He knew he should tell her he was going out but she would ask questions he could not answer. His decision made, he took a deep trembling breath trying to calm his nerves and stepped over the threshold onto the porch.

He followed Angelus down the path to the street beyond closing the wrought iron gate behind them. They walked down the street in companionable silence for several blocks before William's natural curiosity got the better of him.

"Do you live around here?" He asked finally breaking the silence. Angelus looked over at the boy and smiled at the question. 

"Aye, I have a house on Tremont Lane. Would you like to see it?" 

"No. I...I was just wondering." William answered quickly. They continued on for several more blocks then turned onto a side street headed for the center of town. 

They found themselves outside The Watering Hole, a shabby pub with an unseemly reputation and what appeared to William to be an even more unseemly clientele. Angelus headed for the door but stopped turning toward his young companion who stood rooted to a spot several feet away in the middle of the thoroughfare. 

"William, will ya' not have a drink with me lad?" 

"I...I don't drink." The young man answered tentatively, trying to find some excuse to avoid the pub. It was not the sort of place his mother would approve of and at any rate he wasn't sure he wanted to be drunk in Angelus' presence. It would be too easy to give in to his feelings in such a state and he knew he must not reveal too much. 

Angelus smiled slightly stepping off the curb and into the street. He moved closer to the young man clearly making William uncomfortable in his nearness. Then leaning down he whispered in his ear.

"Then that was not Cognac I tasted on your lips three nights ago?" He asked turning back to the pub. William shuddered as thoughts of that kiss came back to him and he frowned slightly at being caught in a lie. Then seeing no way to refuse without being rude he followed the vampire to the door and entered. 

The pub was a large, narrow building with a low ceiling that had one wide window at the front looking out onto the street. The bar curved around from the entrance to the back wall leaving ample space for patrons to drink in relative comfort while the remaining space was littered with tables and chairs. The two made their way through the throng getting jostled to and fro as they searched for an empty table at which to sit. Finding one in the back of the pub they seated themselves and a moment later Angelus ordered two pints of the pubs finest ale from a passing bar maid. 

They sat opposite each other observing the crowd and William noted with some surprise what a mix of men they were among. There were dock worker and cable man, shop keepers and gentlemen all drinking and playing cards as if class was something they cared nothing for. He had never seen men behave in this way. He had always known his place and was careful not to overstep his bounds but here there seemed not to be any bounds to overstep. 

Their ale was brought to them a moment later by a much older woman then the one who had taken their order. She looked haggard and worn as if she had seen better days but she smiled at them both none the less and set their mugs on the table before turning back to the bar. William sipped tentatively at his ale, not used to the drink then looked up over the top of his glass to see Angelus watching him. The dark vampire laughed softly at him then downed half his mug in one gulp. A frown creased William's brow at this display as he was certain it was meant as a challenge. It would be foolhardy to give in to such things he thought but it would not be the first foolhardy thing he had done tonight. 

He nearly choked on the drink as it burned his throat going down and he slammed the mug back on the table coughing loudly. Angelus only laughed louder and after a moment William laughed as well feeling foolish but more at ease then he ever had. 

"So tell me young William what is it ya' do then? Are ye a poet by trade or is it just something ya' do to impress the ladies?" Angelus asked leaning back in his chair. 

The commonness of the question took William by surprise but he answered it without thinking and so it began. They talked for hours sitting in their quiet corner of the pub letting the rest of world slip by unnoticed. They talked of William's life, his home and his family, of his dreams and aspirations and of his fears. Angelus spoke of his travels telling wild tales, captivating his audience with the temptations offered in foreign lands. He spoke of music and art and the opera which he loved and which William had never seen. They joked and laughed and in the end they stumbled from the pub out into the street. 

The cool breeze sobered them little as they had consumed a great deal of ale and William laughed lightly at nothing in particular then smiled at his companion. Angelus threw his arm around the young man's shoulder and they weaved down the street headed for home.

They had traveled only a short distance when William laughed and ran off toward the public stable at the end of the street. Angelus followed after him and entered the building wondering at the boy's actions. 

"They're all empty." William said looking at the stalls in confusion.

"Aye, perhaps there were no visitors who had need of them." Angelus replied walking toward the boy where he stood leaning drunkenly against the stable wall. 

"But I wanted to steal one." The young man's voice was somewhat forlorn and he stuck his lip out in a slight pout which made Angelus move even closer. 

"Ah, have ya' decided to give up your poetry to become of thief then William?" 

"I thought we could take one and go see all the places you told me about." He answered smiling.
Angelus moved closer still his body only inches from the human's. He returned his smile as he looked into the boys eyes. 

"We can find other means." The vampire replied. "Besides I don't think a horse could swim the channel." William laughed again, the sound captivating the creature before him. 

"You're funny." 

"And you're beautiful." Angelus replied leaning one arm against the wall as he pressed against the boy. William's face grew serious at his words and he stared back at him. 

"Am I?"

"Aye." 

"Angelus...I...I want..." William began. Then biting his lip he ducked his head unable to voice his need.

"What Little One? What do you want? Anything at all I'll give it to you." 

William raised his head, his eyes pleading for the dark haired demon to understand. 

"I want..."

Angelus' mouth covered his and William reached out grabbing hold of the vampire's arms pulling him closer. 

"Is that what you want?" Angelus whispered in his ear as he held the boys face in his hands. 

"Yes, yes, yes." William moaned. The reply was smothered in another kiss as the demon took control. He plundered the human's mouth, his tongue slipping past lips and teeth and gums to slide along William's own. He could feel the pounding of the boy's heart, the rushing of his blood and the feel of his heat beneath his clothes. William was so alive. It was intoxicating to the vampire and it drove him on. 

His hand slipped down to the bulge pressing against his hip and William gasped pulling his mouth away at the touch. He stared at the demon, his breath coming in short pants then he closed his eyes letting his head fall back against the wall. Angelus unfastened William's breeches, his hand slipping inside as he took hold of the boy's semi-erect cock. He began to stroke him as he kissed the young man once more, feeling him grow hard in his hand. William moaned into the kiss letting go of his fear, giving himself over to the sensations flooding through his body. Angelus nuzzled his neck the smell of the boy's blood growing stronger with every passing minute. He licked the side of the young man's throat tasting its sweetness and William arched his neck but Angelus hesitated. He had made a promise after all.

"Please...I want it...please...please do it." William whimpered his need overwhelming him. It was all the invitation the demon needed and he let his human mask slip away as his fangs descended. They sliced through the flesh in a single stroke and William's body jerked stiffly at the pain. His orgasm rushed through him a second later as the first drops of his blood were pulled from his body. He clutched at Angelus' shoulders as his knees buckled but the vampire held him, locked in his embrace as he drained the boy's life away. The sound of William's heartbeat slowed to a crawl and Angelus pulled away biting into his own wrist. He placed it hurriedly to the boy's lips compelling him to drink. Then straightening William's clothes he laid him upon the straw and kissing him softly upon the forehead, took his leave of him.

Angel woke to the sound of thunder rolling overhead. He stretched his muscles into wakefulness then rolled over, reaching for Spike. Opening his eyes he found only the empty bed beside him and he sat up, looking around the room, already sensing that his childe was not there. A sudden sense of panic filled him and he rose from the bed quickly. His hand brushed against something as he moved to get up and he reached over, picking up the small note that lay just beneath the sheet. He read it quickly, a frown creasing his brow, then tossed it aside as he walked toward the closet. Retrieving his suitcase he opened it, pulling out clothes at random, then dressed quickly. Grabbing his coat from off the chair where he had left it the night before, he headed out into the other room. He crossed the carpeted floor and snatched up the keycard as he left, closing the door behind him. 

Spike stood in the doorway, a silent wraith staring back at the watcher as the skin of his face slowly burned to ash. The vampire's eyes began to boil in their sockets and Giles could see the tissue and bone beneath the surface as it melted away. The flames consumed the demon from the inside and the smell of burnt flesh caused Giles' stomach to recoil as he turned away.

"What's the matter, Rupert? Isn't this what you wanted?" 

The Englishman turned back toward the door at the sound of Spike's voice and shuddered at the sight, but did not look away again. 

"You're not Spike." 

"Really -- how can you tell?" The First laughed at the scowl on the watcher's face, then pouted slightly, the flames dying away as the form resumed a more normal appearance. "What's the matter? Surprised to see me? You didn't think you could actually destroy me, did you?" It asked, walking around the table towards him. 

Giles rose from his seat, stepping away, and moved to the other side of the desk, but made no reply. 

"I can't be destroyed. I am forever. I have been since the beginning of time and I will exist long after you and these pathetic children are dust. Look at you, scurrying around like little mice searching for answers to questions you can't possibly fathom. You will find no answers here, watcher. You're looking in the wrong place." 

Giles stood with his back to the wall as The First approached him. It smiled softly then changed before his eyes, the image of Spike slipping away as the image of Jenny took its place. She stood before him smiling, her eyes bright and full of life. His breath caught in his throat, the sight of the woman causing an ache in his heart he had long since thought buried. He started to reach out to her, then pulled his hand back quickly. 

The First only laughed at his reaction and disappeared, leaving him alone with his pain.

Buffy stood in the dark, leaning against the window, her arms crossed over her chest. The sudden flash of lightening through the cloud filled sky made her jump as it illuminated the courtyard below. The sound of thunder told her that the storm was almost upon them and somewhere deep inside she could feel its rage. 

She shivered, turning away from the window, and walked around the bed. Seating herself she sighed deeply, the sound echoing in the silence around her. She stared at her sister asleep in her bed and feared the storm even more. There was something coming, something bad... and she didn't know if she could fight it this time. 

Buffy had learned one thing in all her years as a slayer. You couldn't outrun destiny. No matter where they went they would not be able to escape whatever was headed their way -- of that she was certain. She hung her head, feeling more tired then she ever had. She was tired of fighting and tired of sacrificing the people she loved.

A quiet knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she rose from the bed, answering it quickly. 

"Giles." She said, her voice a whisper as she tried not to wake Dawn. 

"I need to speak with you now." He replied, his tone serious and urgent. Buffy stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind her. 

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"The First...it's here." He answered.

"What? But I thought we..."

"We didn't destroy it, Buffy. It can't be destroyed. It's pure evil. Nothing can destroy that." Giles said, cutting her off.

"Are you sure it was The First?" She asked, already knowing the answer. Giles only nodded and she scowled as she began to pace. "Do you think it was responsible for what happened to Dawn?" 

Giles looked up and narrowed his eyes. "I don't know. I do know that it seemed very concerned that I was looking for answers."

"What do you mean?" She asked as she stopped and leaned against the wall beside the watcher.

"It said I wouldn't find the answers there... ah, in the library, which leads me to believe that that is exactly where we will find them. I think we should begin researching and cataloging the texts there first thing in the morning. "

"I think that's a good idea but I don't get something. Why would The First show itself? Why clue us to the fact that it's here trying to cause trouble?"

"It likes to taunt and play games. It enjoys causing as much torment as it can." Giles replied as he thought of Jenny. 

"Yeah, I remember." Buffy said, sighing deeply as she wiped her hands down her face.

"Are you alright?" The Englishman asked, a look of concern on his face.

"Yeah, I'm great. I've got The First Evil running around doing who knows what; a sister who's lying to me, a whole coven of witches I don't trust, and this weather is definitely cutting into my getting-a-tan time." She smiled. 

"We never do seem to get a break from it, do we?" Giles laughed softly. 

"No, we never do." 

"Well, it's late and we're both tired. I thought you should know right away, but I think tomorrow will be soon enough to sort all this out. Get some sleep, Buffy. I'll see you in the morning." 

"Yeah sleep. Goodnight, Giles."

"Goodnight." 

They parted ways, Giles heading down the corridor as Buffy opened the door to her room. She stepped back inside and walked to her bed, lying down without bothering to undress. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind of all the things racing through it, and hoped that the storm would be over when she woke.

Angel strode down the sidewalk, sniffing the air as he made his way from the hotel. He had caught Spike's scent on the street and followed it, hoping to find his childe. The wind picked up, blowing small bits of debris in his path as the storm drew near, and he walked faster, not wanting to lose the scent in the coming rain. He had gone several blocks, making his way through side streets and alleyways, before the surrounding architecture began to look familiar. He stopped at the corner, looking up at the sign post, and then took off at a run.

The thunder boomed overhead as his feet pounded along the pavement, his coat billowing out behind him, but he barely noticed. He knew Spike was close and all he wanted now was to be certain the younger vampire was alright. A sudden flash of lightening lit up the night sky as a torrent of rain fell down upon him but he ran through the streets heedless of the weather, then skidded to a halt on the wet cement, wiping the rain from his eyes. 

Spike stood on the sidewalk just a few feet away and Angel approached, calling his name. The younger vampire made no response and Angel stepped closer, watching as his childe stared into the dark. 

"Spike." He repeated as he reached out, touching his childe's arm. The blond turned toward him, aware of his presence for the first time. 

"Angel, what are you doing here?" He asked, a look of confusion flickering across his face.

"I was looking for you."

"I left a note." He replied, turning away.

"Spike..."

"You shouldn't be here, it's raining." 

"Yeah, and you're soaked to the skin. Come back to the hotel with me." Angel took hold of his arm but Spike moved out of his grasp and walked toward the wrought iron fence that separated the street from the small garden beyond. He stopped, looking up at the darkened house that stood before him, then turned back to his sire.

"I didn't think it'd still be here. It looks just the same."

Angel glanced at the house and moved toward the younger vampire, uncertain what to say. Spike's behavior worried him and he could only guess at why the younger vampire had come here. 

"I was born in that house." Spike began, opening the small gate and entering the garden beyond. "I thought I'd die there too." 

The downpour became a steady rain as he made his way slowly up the path. Angel followed his childe, not certain what was going through Spike's mind, but certain he didn't like the pain he felt emanating from him.

"Do you remember that night?" Spike asked, glancing over his shoulder at the dark haired demon. 

"Of course I do." Angel answered quietly, stepping closer.

"I remember everything." Spike whispered, his head slightly tilted as he stepped up onto the porch. He reached out, touching the door, his finger-tips barely brushing against the wood.

"I told myself they didn't matter."

"Who didn't matter?" Angel asked, clearly confused.

"They were just nameless faces. It was my nature to kill. I told myself I didn't know them so they didn't matter." He paused, turning to look at his sire, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "But I did know them, Angel. I knew so many of them..."

Angel stepped on the porch, reaching for Spike once more, but he pulled away. The older vampire followed him back into the garden, watching helplessly as Spike struggled to get the words out. 

"I grew up with them, Angel. I went to school with them -- hell, I went to church with them, and I killed them without a thought." He stated as he started to pace, becoming more agitated with each step. 

"There was a girl...a little girl named...named Abigail that lived just down the street. She wore braids down her back and I killed her and the butcher...the butcher, Mr. Robins, I killed him too." He said, his voice growing frantic. "And the Miller brothers I killed them in that yard just over there." He said, pointing across the street.

"Spike, don't do this to yourself." Angel said, aching to take his childe's pain away.

"Do what, face the truth? Don't look at what I am...at what I did? I can't pretend anymore...it's too real here. I didn't want to feel this. I didn't think I would, but I can't make it stop, Angel. I..can't...I...I can't." He fell to his knees, the tears streaming over his pale cheeks as he buried his face in his hands. "Make it stop...please make it stop." He cried.

Angel knelt beside him, wrapping him in his arms. He held him tightly, rocking him as Spike sobbed against his chest. 

"It's alright, I'm here." Angel said, trying to comfort him. 

"It won't ever be alright. No matter what I do, it won't make it right." The blond said looking up at the older vampire, his eyes pleading with his sire to tell him he was wrong. 

"No, Spike. It won't make it right."

"Then how do you live with it?" 

Angel stared down at him, unsure how to answer. He had suffered with his own soul for over a hundred years, and the pain still burned inside him. Sighing heavily, he pulled Spike close, kissing the top of his head as he held him. 

"By going on." He finally answered. "By fighting the good fight and doing what I can for those who need my help now. You may not be able to change the past, Spike, but you can change your future. The fact that you want to make things right means you've changed already. That's the most either of us can do." 

"It hurts so much."

"I know... but you don't have to do it alone. I'm here, and I'll be here always." Angel said, holding Spike's face in his hands. 

Always." Spike repeated, his eyes full of pain.

"Always." Angel whispered, smiling sadly at his childe. He pulled him up and kissed him lightly on the lips as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder, holding him tightly. He turned toward the road and led Spike back down the street. It was enough for now, Angel thought, as they headed back the way he'd come. He didn't have all the answers, but dwelling on the past wasn't going to do anything but cause his childe more pain and that wasn't something he was going to let happen. Spike had suffered enough. It was time to move forward and the first step was leaving that house, its memories, and the past behind them.