I AM YOURS 
By: PetiteMiel 
 

Chapter Three
 

Spike stirred under the warm blanket, his head lolling from side to side as he struggled toward consciousness. He felt as if he were floating there in the dark, his body weightless and without form. He could sense the presence of someone through the gray fog that enveloped him but he could not reach them. Tossing and turning on the sofa, he tried to free himself of the shadows that clouded his mind as images flashed before his eyes. He tried desperately to focus on them, but they eluded him. It was the sound of Angel's voice that finally reached his ears and he sprang up against the back of the sofa, pulling away from his Sire as fear gripped him.

"Hey, easy...it's just me." Angel said as he reached out toward Spike. Watching his childe clutch at the blanket as if it were a life line Angel placed his hand on Spike's arm and tried to quell the rising panic he saw in his childe's eyes. "It's ok. It's just me... Angel." He tried again as he gently stroked Spike's arm.

"Angel?" Came the soft reply.

"Good morning." Angel smiled. Spike pulled his arm away and sank back down on the couch, still clutching the blanket to him.

"What are you doing in here?" Spike asked as he tried to get himself under control. He could feel the tears coming; they always came after one of those dreams, and there was no way he was going to cry in front of his poof of a Sire. Angel looked at him, watching as he took several deep breathes.

"You're in the living room." Spike's brow creased. "Forget where you were?" Angel asked as he stood up.

"Something like that." Spike closed his eyes, trying to wipe the memory of the dream away. He didn't like being this close to Angel after one of these dreams -- it made it too real, and he didn't want to remember those times. 

"You fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you. You needed the sleep." Seeing Spike's discomfort, Angel changed the subject. "How about some breakfast? I've got bacon, eggs, toast, juice... I think I have some tea around here somewhere if you'd rather have that." 

Spike looked up at Angel, his face a mask of confusion. "You...you eat human food now?" Angel squirmed slightly under Spike's scrutiny as he replied.

"Well... no, but my friends do, so I keep some here for them. You eat it though, don't you?" 

"Yeah. Sometimes." 

"Good. Bacon and eggs coming up.?" Not waiting for a reply, Angel turned and headed for the kitchen. Spike followed him with his eyes until Angel disappeared through the doorway. Wiping his hands over his face, he reached out to move the blanket then stopped, looking down at it, then back toward the kitchen again. He laughed softly to himself, wondering where the real Angel was and if he should check the basement for pods.

"Hey, why have you got all the lights on in here?" He called to Angel as he threw off the blanket and sat up.

Angel stuck his head out of the kitchen a second later. "What'd you say?"

Spike stood up and stretched, turning toward the light. "I said... Bloody Hell!" he shouted as he fell to the floor, seeking the protection of the sofa. "Are you daft, Angel? Why have you got the bleedin curtains open, you want me to fry a second time? Shut the fucking things, you git!" Angel walked over to the sofa and stood smiling down at Spike. "Angel, are you crazy -- get down!" Spike yelled as Angel started to laugh.

"Spike, it's perfectly safe. It won't hurt you -- look." Spike stared at Angel standing in front of the sliding glass doors to the balcony. The sun's rays poured through, bathing him in light. "It won't hurt you. Come and see." Angel held out his hand to his childe and Spike slowly got to his feet. "See, I'm not even smoking." Angel smiled at Spike and the younger vampire moved cautiously toward him, a look of wonder on his face. Putting out a hand he let the sun's rays dance across his pale skin as he grinned from ear to ear. 

"How? How'd you do this?" Angel laughed again.

"I didn't do it. It's some sort of spell. It's just another one of the perks of working for Wolfram and Hart, the whole building's like this." 

"The whole building?" Spike asked as he stepped closer to the glass, looking out at the day.

"Yeah, since I have to get around in the offices downstairs, they did the whole building." 

"Oh." Came the quiet reply.

Angel turned away from Spike and headed back into the kitchen, then stopped suddenly. "Just don't open the doors." Spike looked back at him and shook his head, then returned his gaze to the clear blue sky overhead. 

A few minutes later, Spike pulled himself away from the sunlight as the smell of frying bacon drew him into the other room. Stepping through the doorway he stopped as he observed his sire at the stove. "Well, I have seen it all now. The bloody Scourge of Europe wearing an apron." 

Angel turned toward him, seeing Spike's smile as he sat down at the table. "I'm not wearing an apron." He replied in his most serious tone.

"No, but you should be. You're making a right mess, you are." Spike laughed. 

"Oh fuck!" Angel swore as he splattered grease from the pan onto his sweater. 

"Now, now, Peaches, watch that language." 

Angel glared at Spike. "This is cashmere." 

"Well, by all means swear, then."

Laughing at his overreaction Angel dabbed at the sweater with a wet towel then gave up, knowing it was useless. He piled a plate with food and set it in front of Spike. "You never did have any appreciation for fine clothes." 

"Didn't need to. You always had enough for the both of us." Angel warmed two glasses of blood in the microwave and set one in front of Spike as he watched his childe devouring the food in front of him.

"Good?" Spike nodded.

"Speaking of clothes, Angel, where are mine?" 

"Oh.... well, you didn't have any. You were pretty much naked." Spike didn't reply and Angel continued. "I could take you to get some, if you'd like? All I had was the sweat pants and those are definitely too big for you. I can take you later today if you want." 

"Sure. So, when did you learn to cook?" Spike asked, changing the subject as he tried not to think about the fact that Angel had seen him naked. He wasn't sure why this should bother him -- after all ,Angel had seen him naked thousands of times, so why should it matter? Still, the thought made him feel vulnerable and that wasn't a feeling he enjoyed, especially around his sire. His musings were interrupted by the sound of Angel answering his question. 

"A few years ago. I used to make breakfast for..." He paused for a moment, then resumed his thought. ..."For my friends. After an all-nighter they'd come back to my place to get cleaned up, and we'd have breakfast." 

Spike finished the last of his bacon and slid the plate toward Angel, who picked it up and rinsed it before placing it in the dishwasher with the mug from last night. "So where are they now?" Spike asked as he lifted his mug to his lips, downing its contents.

"Who?" 

"Your pet humans. I haven't heard any of them since I've been here. Or don't they come around anymore?"

"First of all, they are not pets and secondly they do come around. Or... they will. I just moved in here a week ago. Besides, they're all close by. They live in this building. The top six floors are apartments, then it's all offices below that." 

"That's convenient." Spike muttered to himself. 

"And speaking of offices, I've got to get to mine." Angel said as he placed his and Spikes mugs beside the others and headed out of the room. He pulled the sweater over his head as he walked toward his bedroom. "I haven't been in since before you got here and I have to catch up." He called as he quickly dressed in a fresh shirt. He came toward the front door where Spike stood watching him as he buttoned it." You'll be ok?" 

"Sure. I'll be fine. I'll lie about and live the life of luxury looking at your froofy paintings and watching your satellite." Spike smiled.

"I'll be back later and take you to get some new clothes. If you need anything, my number's on the pad next to the phone." Angel hesitated for a second, not certain of what he was about to say. Things seemed to be going so well he was afraid to risk it, but he needed to do this before he changed his mind. "Giles' number is on the pad as well, just in case you want to call her." Spike looked at Angel, not sure what to say to this. "I thought you might want to talk to her. She was anxious to know how you were." Angel opened the door and stepped out into the hall. 

"Angel?" Spike called to him. His sire stopped and looked back. "Why are you helping me?" 

Angel stared back at his childe, then turned and walked away. "I'll be back around three. Be ready to go." Spike stared after him and watched as he entered the elevator before closing the door.

Walking to the hall table he stared down at the numbers listed there. He knew all he had to do was pick up the phone and call her and there would be nothing stopping him from going to her. All it would take was the sound of her voice and he wouldn't be able to stop himself -- but he knew, if he did that, then he would be lost. Running his fingertips lightly over the phone, he felt it pull at him, and he pulled his hand away. He had spent so much of the last few years longing for something he now knew could never be, changing himself to fit some ideal of what he thought she wanted. He didn't want to spend the rest of his existence being lonely and hurt because Buffy was unable to love him the way he needed her to. He didn't blame her. She gave everything she could, it just wasn't enough anymore. He had allowed her to use him thinking that she would eventually love him. He had been willing to endure any humiliation or abuse to win her heart, but that hadn't been about love. He knew that now. 

The soul had opened his eyes to what love really was and, in that cave in Sunnydale, he had felt it. His own pure love for Buffy raged through every fiber of his soul as he felt it for the first time. It was something so powerful and pure that it had made him want to weep, and all the other things in his life paled by comparison. He had thought that having any piece of Buffy's heart would be enough, and he had struggled to gain that very thing. Now he knew it wasn't worth the cost to himself or to his soul. Spike wanted to feel that same kind of love from someone else. He wanted to be loved, cared for with the same kind of passion. He wanted someone to pursue him for a change. He couldn't go back to the way it was. If he did, he knew there would be nothing left of him in the end. Looking down at the pad once more, he turned and strode down the hall to his room, closing the door behind him.
 

Angel leaned back against the wall of the elevator as the doors closed in front of him, cursing himself for his decision. He knew that giving Spike Giles' number was the right thing to do. Spike had a right to talk to Buffy and the others if he chose to. "It was the right thing to do." He told himself. "Then why does it frighten me so much?" He wondered aloud. Buffy had told him that Spike was in her heart. Clearly they had been involved in some way and Angel found that, while he thought it foolish on Buffy's part, he wasn't angry. The idea of the two of them together filled him with a sense of loss more than anything, and he was discovering quickly that it wasn't Buffy he was upset over losing. Angel had said his goodbyes years before and. while it was nice to hope that there would be a time when he and Buffy would be together. he knew in his heart that that would never come to pass. He had had his chance to be human and had given it up. It had been the hardest thing he had ever done, but he knew it had been the right decision. No, the one he couldn't bear to lose was his boy. 

Angel wiped his hands over his face and sighed heavily. He never thought in a million years he would be worried about losing Spike to Buffy. Buffy to Spike, sure -- although that never seemed like much of a possibility, given that the last time he looked Buffy and Spike hated each other. Now he had to wonder. If Buffy asked Spike to come to her, would he go? He knew she was ok, that Buffy had survived. Angel had told him that upon his awakening, yet Spike hadn't asked how he could reach her. In fact, he hadn't responded to the news at all -- he had simply rolled over on the bed and gone back to sleep. Angel was realizing more with each passing day that he wanted Spike in his life. He needed the companionship of one of his own. He had been too long without real family to give Spike up now that there was even a little chance of them building some kind of relationship. 
 

The elevator doors opened, disturbing his thoughts. Angel stepped out and made his way toward his new office. It was spacious and well adorned, and he could see that the antique mahogany desk he had requested had been delivered. He smiled at that and wondered what other spectacularly expensive thing he could buy to piss Lilah off. Wolfram and Hart catered to their every need, the apartments they had all moved into were a perk of the job. New cars and unlimited credit at the most expensive clothing stores in LA were apparently standard issue at the law firm. All the furnishings that decorated Angel's new home and those he had had to replace just part and parcel of being a member of the Wolfram and Hart team -- or so he had been informed. Still, he loved seeing Lilah's expression whenever he would make a completely frivolous request. It was priceless. The smile he wore faded quickly though as he noted the stack of case files that covered his new desk. He started to turn around and head back the way he came when he spotted Fred walking toward him. 

"Hey, Angel." She smiled as she waved to him, and soon she was slipping past and making herself comfortable on the small sofa that sat against one wall. 

"Fred. How are you?" 

"Oh I'm great. How are you? And how's Spike? Has he started talking to you yet? I hope he has 'cause Wesley and I aren't getting very far trying to figure this thing out and it would be so much easier if we could talk to him -- or maybe if you could talk to him, since he knows you and all."

Angel sighed as he sat down behind his desk. "Actually, he came out of his room last night and he has started talking to me, but not about any of that." 

"Good morning, Fred, Angel." Wesley greeted them both as he entered the office, sipping a hot cup of tea, then seated himself next to Fred. "Any luck with Spike?" Angel opened his mouth to speak but never got the chance as Fred jumped into the conversation. 

"Not yet. Spike's talking just not about that. I think Angel aught to be the one to talk to Spike, Angel knowin' him and all. Them being family. He probably wouldn't care for us butting in. What do you think?" 

"Oh I think you're quite right, Fred. I think Angel is the best person to question Spike. I'm sure he'd feel much more at ease talking to him than to strangers." 

"See, that's what I thought too. " Angel cleared his throat and both occupants of the sofa looked in his direction.

"I am in the room, you know?" Fred and Wesley looked somewhat abashed at this and turned their attention to Angel.

"Oh, sorry. I just go running off at the mouth sometimes, don't I?" Fred smiled.

"Yes, that was a bit rude of us." Wes offered by way of apology. 

"I will talk to Spike, but I was hoping you two would have come up with something by now."

Wes stood, cup in hand. "I have been looking, Angel, but there isn't much to go on. We do know that Buffy was dealing with the First and it's possible that it is responsible for Spike's resurrection...as it were. Or it may have had something to do with the amulet you gave Buffy. You said she gave it to Spike. That he was wearing it when he ...ah..." 

"Dusted, Wes. The word you're looking for is dusted. And yeah, he was wearing it." Angel grew silent once more.

"Well, that being the case, perhaps it is responsible. Then again, there is always a chance that the Powers had a hand in it." Angel gave him a withering look. "Yes, you see the problem, Angel. There are just too many variables. The fact is we may never know for certain why or how Spike was brought back." 

"Great." 

"I'm sorry, Angel. I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear." Wes apologized and Angel could see how troubled his old friend was. Their friendship was still such a tenuous thing that Angel didn't want this to cause new problems. 

"Wes, it's not your fault. I knew it was a long shot. I know you and Fred are doing everything you can, and I appreciate it." Wes smiled. 

"Well, we haven't given up all hope." Fred chimed in as she got to her feet. "We're still doing research on the amulet and as soon as we find anything we'll let you know." She turned to go with Wesley right behind her, but he stopped and turned back to Angel. 

"How are you coping with all this, Angel?" The vampire looked up to see a very concerned face staring back at him. 

"I'm fine, Wes. I just want some answers -- and I think Spike will need them if he's to go forward." 

"That's not what I meant." Angel knew this was coming but it wasn't a conversation he wanted to have right now. His friends hadn't understood why Spike's death had upset Angel the way it did. After all, to them he was just an evil vampire who had had Angel tortured a few years ago. 

"I'm fine." He reiterated as he picked up a case file from the pile in front of him.

"Angel, I know that things between us have been strained for a long time now, but we were once friends who confided in one another. I want you to know, if you need to talk to anyone about anything, I'm always here for you." He started to turn but Angel's voice stopped him.

"I thought he was dust, Wes." The Englishman turned at the sorrow he heard there and walked back to the sofa, taking a seat. "I've never felt anything so painful in my life. I thought my childe was gone -- and I didn't want to go on without him." 

"Your Childe...but I thought Drucilla sired Spike? In fact, I'm sure Giles said that Spike had relayed the story of his turning to Buffy and that Drucilla had been responsible." Wes said, his face a mask of confusion.

Angel laughed quietly at this, then stood up, turning toward the windows. He hit the remote control and watched as the office was flooded with the early morning light. 

"Angel?" 

"I sired Spike. The story he told Buffy was a lie." 

"But why? I mean why lie about that? To what end?" Wes questioned.

"It was just his way of disowning me. He has been angry at me for a long time, Wes, even longer than you." Angel smiled at his friend then turned back to the view. "I turned him and trained him and ..." His voice trailed off for a moment, then he began again. "He was my Favorite Childe, Wes." 

Having been a watcher Wesley understood the significance of that term, and the intimate relationship it implied. It also explained Angel's grief and Wes was touched that Angel trusted him enough to reveal so much about himself. "When I regained my soul, I left him with Darla and Dru. I never said goodbye or told him why. I just ran. I couldn't face what I had done. To see what I had created. The monster I had turned him into. It was too much so I ran, and I never looked back. He never forgave me for that. In Sunnydale I sided with Buffy against him so I was a traitor who wanted him dead, and all the hatred I had tried to instill in him to be used on humans raged at me instead. When I lost my soul I turned my back on him again. Instead of helping him to heal I taunted him in his weakness and took from him all he had left...Dru. Is it any wonder he wouldn't want to claim me?"

"So that's why you were so upset. Why you destroyed the apartment." It was a statement, not a question. 

"Angelus ...loved his childe, Wes. At least as much as a demon is capable of such an emotion. He loved him."

Angel sat back down and turned toward Wes. He was afraid of what he would see there but was pleased to see the Ex-watcher smiling back at him. He had revealed something to Wesley that he had never shared with anyone. Not even Buffy knew the extent of his connection to Spike. 

"Well, perhaps now that Spike has a soul of his own, he'll see things differently." Angel didn't respond but was glad that Wes understood how much he hoped that was true.

Wes turned and walked toward the door. "Wes." Angel called after him. 

"Yes?" 

"Thanks." 

With a slight nod of his head Wesley headed out the door, leaving Angel alone with his thoughts. 
 

Angelus stood in the shadows watching the myriad of humans as they passed by seeking his prey for the night. There were many good prospects for this evenings play as many of the men were drunk and a good many of the women were well on their way to joining them.

"Sire?" Angelus turned at the quiet sound of his childe's voice. He looked down at William standing beside him.

"Yes Childe." 

"I'm hungry." The older vampire smiled to himself.

"When aren't ya' hungry Boy?" William nibble at his lower lip then smiled up at his sire. 

"I know, but I'm really hungry now. Can't we just pick someone?" He asked as he peered out of the alley toward the street.

"Will ya' never learn patience Childe? Some things must be done the proper way. Ya' can not just go about grabbin' anyone off the street." He answered running the back of his hand along Will's cheek. "This is a delicate matter that must be done properly." He said in mock seriousness as he smiled at the boy. William considered this for a moment than pointed at a woman standing on the opposite corner.

"What about her?" Angelus looked in the direction he pointed as he lowered William's arm and regarded his childe's choice for an evening's meal. 

She was young and healthy looking, of good breeding and if her clothes were any indication she came from money as well. She appeared to be unescorted which seemed odd in this part of town but her folly would be their stroke of luck.

"Ya' have a good eye me Boy." William beamed at the praise then followed as Angelus left the shelter of the alley and followed the woman down the street. They had always hunted together. Angelus had insisted that William was far too young to go out on his own. There was still too much for him to learn and too many dangers he could encounter so he had kept him by his side. Besides, they were a good team and it made the play that much more enjoyable. 

They followed the woman at a discrete distance never losing track of her. She made her way through the crowd and down the street stopping to pick up a two small packages at one of the shops. Then turning down a side street she headed toward the park. The crowds were thinner here as she made her way farther and farther from the main streets and thoroughfares. Few people were about this time of night as the weather had turned cold with the onset of winter and most people preferred to be home in front of the hearth after dark.

Angelus and William stalked slowly through the trees that lined the lane of cobblestones. They could hear the distinct sound of the woman's shoes on the rough surface as she passed. Walking at a steady pace she glanced once or twice at the darkened sky then continued on. The older vampire could hear her heart beat now so close she was. He breathed in her scent savoring it as he stepped out of the trees. He sent William ahead to block any attempt by the woman to escape as he proceeded up the lane. 

The sound of his footfalls echoed in the quiet of the evening and the woman turned at the sound. She could make out the vague shape of a man behind her but little else in the growing darkness. Quickening her pace she turned back toward the path and William watched her walking towards him from the shelter of the trees. Suddenly aware of the way her heartbeat sped up at the sight of his sire and the smell of her fear as she came nearer, he wondered if she some how knew what they were or if she was simply afraid of all strangers she saw on the road.

Will's musings were cut short a moment later as he stepped from the trees blocking the woman's path. She stopped, startled by his sudden appearance then turned to flee only to come face to face with Angelus. He brought his demon to the fore, her eyes growing wide at the sight. Taking her by the throat, before she could scream he moved into the shelter of the trees. His fangs slid into her soft flesh, her packages scattering into the underbrush. She struggled vainly trying to free herself as Angelus drank. William looked on as his sire fed then smiled as Angelus held out his hand to him. Will stepped closer his human features slipping away as he took the woman from his sire's arms. She was still breathing but just barely as he bit into her jugular. He could feel her pulse lesson with each sip he took. He drank his fill, the blood warm and sweet on his tongue then let the body fall to the cold ground at his feet.

Angelus smiled at his childe as he stepped over the fallen woman and wrapped his arms around his boy's slender waist. His lips captured Will's in a searing kiss as he pressed him back against a nearby tree. Will returned the kiss as he threw his arms around his sire's neck. Angelus fumbled with the fastening of Will's breeches finally undoing them only to find his own undone as well. He broke the kiss long enough to smile at his clever childe then pulled the breeches free of Will's legs completely. Standing he lifted Will up as his Childe swung his legs around his hips and a moment later Angelus' thrust into his boy's tight channel as he began to pound away at him.

Will cried out at the sudden intrusion but his cries were silenced by his sire's mouth as Angelus kissed him yet again. He groaned against his sire's lips then bit down on his Angelus' tongue as he felt himself tearing, the smell of his own blood growing stronger as Angelus' thrusts grew harder. The dark vampire allowed him to take a few small sips of his blood before he growled in warning. Will whimpered but complied as he continued to kiss his sire. The pain soon subsided as the blood acted to ease the way and Will reached out using his sire's shoulders for support as he moved up and down on Angelus' hardened cock. Angelus leaned in pressing himself as close to Will as he could, trapping the boy's cock between them. It rubbed against the buttons of their waistcoats and Will moaned in pleasure as each new thrust brought him that much closer to release. 

"Oh yes...Sire...yes..." Will's voice was just a whisper in his sire's ear as Angelus nipped at his neck. He could smell the borrowed blood, still warm running through his childe's veins as his fangs scrapped along his throat. "Please." Will's voice was breathless as he tightened his inner muscles squeezing Angelus' cock with every upward thrust. Unable to wait any longer the older vamp bit into the tender flesh, the sweet blood of his boy mixed with the warm blood of their kill filled his mouth as he felt Will's seed splash against him. He thrust deeper still, once then twice as he too spilled himself deep inside his childe.