Chapter Thirty-One

Spike stood on the opposite side of the hall, waiting as Dawn knocked on the door to Merissa's room. It swung open a moment later, the white haired witch smiling at her visitors, and his stomach twisted in knots as a sudden sense of uncertainty filled him.

"Come in." She said, stepping back, allowing them both to enter. He followed Dawn into the room, checking out his surroundings as the door was closed behind them.

"Please, won't you sit down?" Merissa asked politely.

"I prefer to stand if it's all the same to you." Spike answered.

"Suit yourself. I hope you don't mind if I sit, though. I'm afraid these old bones of mine grow more weary with each passing day. Perhaps you would like some tea. Dawn, would you mind?" She asked as she took a seat in her favorite chair.

"Sure." The teenager replied as she turned toward a small cart sitting against the opposite wall.

"Look, no offense, but I didn't come here to be sociable. I've got questions and Dawn says you've got the answers."

"I will answer what I am able." Merissa said, taking the cup of tea from Dawn as the girl settled into a nearby chair.

"I don't trust you."

"Spike!"

"It's alright Dawn. It is good that he is cautious."

"Dawn told me her side of things, now I want to hear your version. She says you're responsible for all this -- what happened to her and to me. That true?"

"I merely set the wheels in motion."

"So we're not just little pawns in some chess game between you and The First then?"

"No, you are not pawns, Spike. All the choices have been your own. I simply made sure you had more than one option to choose from."

The blond vampire mulled that thought over for a second before responding.

"So, if I choose to leave right now and go back to LA, you wouldn't try to stop me?"

"I will tell you truthfully that I would not wish it so, but I could do little to prevent it. My power is waning. There is little I can do now but wait. It is for others to complete the work I have started. I am now little more than a spectator much as The First. But you will not leave."

"So sure, are you?"

"I am." She said, smiling at him.

Her certainty un-nerved him but he shook off the feeling and sighed heavily, unable to keep up the pretense.

"Fine, I'm not going anywhere -- but I still want answers."

"As you wish, ask your questions then."

He took another deep breath trying to calm his nerves then, with a quick glance and a nod from Dawn, he turned back to Merissa.

"Dawn thinks the power in me is hers. She thinks it's the power of the Key -- is that true?"

Buffy stormed into her room, slamming the door behind her, then quickly glanced at her sister's empty bed, relieved to see that Dawn was already up and gone. She let out an explosive sigh, the rage boiling up inside her threatening to burst free as she started to pace.

It was all too much. She had gone to Willow for help, advice, a shoulder to cry on... but all she'd gotten was a slap in the face.

Her hands clenched at her sides as she made her way across the room, her mind racing as Willow's words came back to her.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. Maybe I should have said something earlier."

"How could she not have told me?" She asked aloud as she stared out of the window.

"I do love you and I know we can still have a life together."

She cringed inwardly at her own words to Angel. She had practically begged him to want her, she thought, closing her eyes as she lowered her head.

"I'm in love with Spike and he's in love with me. I've always loved him. From the minute I first saw him. From the minute I turned him. I can't change that, Buffy I wouldn't if I could. I'm sorry but you have to accept..."

How could she accept this? She had thought they had come to England for her. They were supposed to be waiting for her to choose one of them... and instead they had chosen each other. How could they humiliate her like that?

She wanted to hit something, hit them, make them hurt the way she was hurting now. Her fist slammed into the window sill, tearing a chunk out of the wood, but she didn't even notice.

"How could they do this to me?"

"Because they will all betray you."

She turned around, staring into Anya's face as The First stared back at her.

"Oh God, can't you find someone else to haunt?" Buffy said tiredly, turning her back on it.

"Spike and Angel's betrayal was only the first, now Willow..."

"She didn't betray me. Just leave me alone!"

"You will be alone soon enough. They will all abandon you."

"Get out."

"Is it hard to hear the truth?"

"What do you know about the truth? Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie." She said, turning back to face The First, her arms crossed over her chest defiantly.

"Is it a lie that they have turned to one another? Is it a lie that you have lost Angel to Spike?"

"Shut up."

"Is it a lie that it is Spike writhing beneath him, giving him all the pleasure that you can not?"

"Shut up!" She yelled, her anger getting the better of her.

"He has taken Angel from you, but do not let him take the others as well. Destroy him before it is too late."

Buffy stared at The First, the shock at its words making her head spin. Then she started to laugh.

"You know I thought you were pathetic when you were in Sunnydale, but you've really sunk to a new low. Did you honestly think throwing their relationship in my face would get me angry enough to do your dirty work for you? If you want Spike dead you'll have to do it yourself." She said as she moved past the apparition toward the door.

"Would you not see him dust to keep from losing Angel?"

"I've already lost Angel." She said, the truth suddenly very clear.

"And would you lose Dawn as well?"

She stopped in her tracks, her hand resting on the door knob. Turning around she stared at The First, sure she should leave yet unable to.

"What do you mean?"

"He will take her from you."

"Really -- and how's he going to do that?"

"He's going to kill her."

Angel made his way through the corridors of the castle, his goofy grin still plastered on his face. He couldn't help the way he felt and he didn't care if it showed. He couldn't remember a time when he had been this happy and not turned evil.

Thoughts of his childe flitted through his mind, and his smile broadened. He couldn't stop thinking about him, wondering what he was doing and wishing he was with him. It was silly, he knew, but he couldn't help himself. He was in love and for the first time it felt completely right.

He had loved Buffy, but he had also kept a part of himself hidden from her. There were just some things he couldn't let her see... but, with Spike, he could share it all because he understood, he was the only one who really could.

For too long they had been separated -- but not anymore. They were together now and nothing, not amulets, not The First, not even Buffy was going to pull them apart.

Turning at the end of the hall he made his way down some stairs, continuing past several other rooms until he came to a stop in the dining hall. Standing in the doorway he scanned the room, looking for any signs of Fred or Wesley. He hadn't thought to ask where his friends' rooms were located so he had simply followed their scent instead.

He was anxious to know if they had found out anything more about Spike's condition. The blond had survived the incident the night before -- and the one in LA -- but the power of the amulet worried Angel and he wanted it out of his childe and as far away from him as possible. He wasn't going to lose him again.

A quiet cough interrupted his thoughts and he looked down at the small group of women standing behind him where he stood blocking the entrance to the room. He apologized and moved out of the way as they walked past him and seated themselves at a nearby table. He gave the dining hall one more cursory look but seeing neither Fred nor Wesley he turned back to the hallway.

Standing in its center he took a deep breath then headed off once more, following his nose. It led him to the end of the hall and a set of stairs which he followed down into a series of corridors. Each new hall led to more stairs and soon he found himself in a dimly lit corridor well beneath the castle.

The torches that lined the walls cast shimmering shadows against the stone and he reached up, swiping at the cobwebs they illuminated as he tried to keep them out of his hair. He could see footprints laid out across his path, the dust of many centuries swirling over the tops of his polished shoes as he continued on. Then the sound of voices reached his ears and in moments he found himself standing in the doorway of the library.

"Good morning, Angel. I wasn't expecting to see you here." Wesley said as he and the others looked up from their respective texts.

"How's Spike?" Fred asked, her concern showing in her face.

"He's fine. He seems to have fully recovered."

"Well, that's good to hear." The brunette stated as she sat down on a small bench set against the far wall.

"Have you come to lend us a hand?" Giles asked as he set his book down on the desk.

"Actually I was just wondering if you'd had any luck finding a way to get the amulet's power out of Spike. I didn't have a chance to ask last night with everything that happened." He said as he walked into the room.

"I'm afraid not yet -- as you can see, there is an awful lot to go through." Wesley replied as he glanced at the shelves stuffed full of books, scrolls and parchments. Angel followed his gaze.

"Well then, I guess I better lend a hand after all."

"Great." Fred said, smiling brightly as she handed him a book from the shelf beside her.

Angel took it and sat down next to her, then looked up uncertainly.

"Exactly what am I looking for anyway?" He asked.

"Here." Fred said as she tore off a page from her legal pad and handed it to him.

"Look for any of the symbols on this page or the languages they come from. I've written them off to the side. Any references to the amulet, the scythe, the Maker or Maker Witch of course. Oh and if you find any phrases similar to the ones at the bottom of the page they may be important too."

He stared at the list then around the room at the massive amount of information they had to wade through, knowing what a daunting task it would be, but also knowing that if it kept Spike safe it was worth it.

"Ok, you want to explain that to me? How can this be the power of the Key?" Spike asked, pointing at his chest.

"It is complicated." Merissa replied.

"Well then, why don't you uncomplicate it?"

"Yes, but where to start?"

"How about starting with how the power got out of Dawn in the first place?"

"That is easily understood...Glory."

"Glory?"

"Glory tried to use the Key for a purpose it was not designed for."

"But I thought the Key was supposed to open the doors to dimensions and..."

"Yes, of course -- but it was made to open specific doors at specific times. Glory tried to open all the doors at once. She tried to force the lock as it were. In doing so she damaged the Key and released the power into the ether where I gathered it to me, placing it within the amulet I'd made for safe keeping."

"So why didn't you just put the power back?"

"That is beyond me. Dawn is a creation of the monks. I had no power over her. The only way to get the power back into Dawn was for Dawn to take it back. Unfortunately, once the power was released she was without the means and all knowledge had been lost when the monks replaced her memories with those of a young girl."

"But you've given her back those memories?"

"I gave her the choice to take them back, and she did so. It was her doing, not mine."

"So, if she's got the knowledge and you had the power all safe and sound in the amulet, why get me involved?"

"But it was not truly safe. The monks thought to hide the Key within a human shell but Dawn was still kidnapped by Glory. The Key was damaged and its energy depleted. I could not risk that happening yet again.

"The amulet could easily be stolen or even destroyed but, by seeing it came to you, I ensured not only that it would be safe within you but also that it would gain the power it needed to repair the damage done by Glory. The amulet was made to channel the power of the Key, protecting both the bearer and the power itself. When you dusted the power of the Key merged with you, regaining the power it had lost. I then gathered your dust from the rubble, reanimating you."

"So you're saying that my dusting in that cave was just a way for you to make sure the power of the Key was safe?"

"Yes."

Spike shook his head, not certain he wanted to know the answer to his next question, but he took a deep breath and asked it anyway.

"Ok I get it needed to be a vampire -- but why me specifically?"

"Because I also needed something to repair the damage to the Key and you had what was needed."

"Yeah, and what was that?"

"Spike would never hurt Dawn." Buffy asserted, trying to make her self believe it.

"Are you so certain? You did not think he would hurt you."

"That was different. He didn't have a soul."

"And if he loses his soul what then?"

"How would he... He... he can't lose his soul, it wasn't a curse."

"He will give it up freely and Dawn will die."

"I don't believe you." She said but there was no conviction in her voice.

"Don't you?"

The First vanished before Buffy could speak and she stood staring at the empty space it left behind, wondering what she would have said. She didn't want to believe it but she couldn't shake the niggling feeling that it might be telling the truth -- or at least some twisted version of it.

Turning the knob, she opened the door and headed out into the hall. She had too many questions and not enough answers. She wouldn't risk Dawn's life -- not for anyone. If Spike was a threat, she would... she left the thought unfinished, not wanting to think about what she might have to do, and went in search of a reason not to believe The First. She just hoped she could find one.