I AM YOURS 
By: PetiteMiel 

Chapter Nine
 

Angel lay on his back listening as the quiet filled the room. He tried to clear his mind of the numerous thoughts that were keeping him awake but, no matter what he did, his conversation with Spike would not be silenced. His childe had asked him about the curse, and he had spent the last half hour trying to explain to him why he didn't think it would be a problem. 

Angel had seen the concern on Spike's face and he knew that his somewhat fragile ego was suffering at the thought that his sire believed him incapable of providing that moment of perfect happiness. Not that Spike wanted a reemergence of Angelus, but it seemed to Angel that it was a particular point of pride for the younger vampire. That shagging him, as Spike had so eloquently put it, should at least in theory bring about the same result that shagging Buffy had. Angel had kissed Spike as he tried to reassure him, then proceeded to explain that the curse wasn't about him any more than it had been about Buffy. The curse was about one person and one person alone -- and that was Angel.

When the gypsies cursed Angelus, they wanted him to suffer for eternity for all the horror he had wrought on the world, and, for nearly a century he had. Spending endless days roaming the earth full of self loathing and despair, Angel had come to hate himself and everything he was. He had thought himself less than nothing and completely unworthy of love, a creature to be treated with loathing and derision. Buffy had changed that. In that one moment when she gave herself to him, he found hope. Suddenly filled with a sense of self worth, he had dared to believe that maybe he was worthy after all -- but, over the years, Angel's idea of what perfect happiness was had changed as much as he had.

When he lost his soul in Sunnydale he had been isolated from the world, struggling to find his way. He had been without ties to humanity and no real sense of purpose. That simple act of love from Buffy had been all it took to break the curse but, now, he was no longer isolated and alone, and his redemption had given him purpose. He had developed friendships and learned to care for those he helped and, through that, he had come to believe that he deserved to be happy, to be loved. He was worthy of being cared for just like any one else, and that belief had redefined perfect happiness for him. 

It was not enough now for him simply to be loved by someone he cared for; all the other aspects of his life needed to be in tune as well -- his friendships, his work, his redemption, everything that made him whole. His life was filled with so much more now than just the love of a sixteen year old girl -- and all of those things needed to be in sync. He sighed, knowing that that would never be. As long as he carried the pain of Conner's loss in his heart, his soul was safe. He could never have perfect happiness because, for him, that included having his son by his side as well as the childe that now lay beside him.

Running his hands through his short brown hair, he rolled over, looking at Spike. He had explained all this to his childe without mentioning Conner. That wound was still too raw and, although he wanted to share it with Spike -- needed to share it with someone -- he didn't want to burden the younger vampire with his problems. 

Reaching out his hand, he let the backs of his fingers brush lightly over Spike's well defined cheekbones and watched as his childe leaned into the touch. He had had to give up Conner to save him. It had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to do, and he knew it had been the right choice, but nothing in this world would make him give up Spike. Angel needed him now more than ever. He had suffered too many losses, and he would not lose Spike too. Leaning closer, he kissed his childe lightly on the forehead, then closed his eyes, putting his thoughts behind him, and finally let sleep take him.
 
 

Several hours later, Angel rolled onto his back and stretched his long frame against the soft mattress. His dreams were full of images of Spike and he held onto them, not wanting to wake. He could see his childe naked on the bed, his beautiful body unmarred and perfect, and he smiled to himself, enjoying the sensations that those thoughts invoked. He could still feel the softness of Spike's mouth on his and his tongue slipped from between his lips, trying to taste his childe there. Their kisses had been gentle but there was an underlying passion in them that made Angel ache for his boy. Spike had always made him feel that way, and he was glad that that hadn't changed over the years. He wanted Spike, and he wouldn't let anything come between them again. Turning onto his side, he reached out to touch his childe -- and his eyes flew open when he touched only the cold sheet instead. 

"Bloody Hell!" Angel sat up at the sound of Spike's voice coming from the bathroom. Throwing the sheet aside, he got up and headed that way, slipping on his pants as he went. The door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open as he stood in the doorway, observing his childe.

Spike stood in front of the sink, wearing only the gray sweatpants Angel had given him the first night he'd arrived. He leaned against the sink's counter as he panted slightly, and Angel shook his head at his childe's foolishness. 

"Spike, what the hell are you doing?" He asked as he entered the room. Spike looked up, a slightly guilty expression on his face. 

"I'm taking off these bleedin' bandages. What does it look like?" 

"I can see that -- but why are you taking them off, and why aren't you in bed where you belong?" Angel asked as he approached him. 

Spike's legs felt a bit wobbly and he gripped the counter more tightly before turning to answer. "I'm not in bed because I couldn't get these off in bed and I'm taking them off because I need a shower." He said, pulling off another bandage before Angel could stop him. "Oh fuck that hurts!" 

"Then maybe you shouldn't be doing it." Angel replied as he took hold of Spike's shoulders and maneuvered him over to the small bench that sat against the wall. "Sit."

Spike glared at him for a moment, then did as he was told. "I'm not a dog, mate."

Angel looked at him, but just smiled as he sat down beside him. "Here, let me do it." He said as he reached for the remaining bandage. 

"I can do it meself. I don't need your help." Angel ignored Spike's protestations and began to peel the adhesive away slowly. "You're doing it wrong, Angel, you have to do it quick so it won't hurt." 

"Yeah, that looked like it was working real well for you when I came in." 

"Just let me do it. I don't need to be babied by you." Angel tore the bandage away quickly, taking a small bit of skin with it.

"Fuckin' hell Angel, that bloody well hurt! You did that on purpose!" Spike yelled, grabbing his side.

"Thought you didn't want to be babied?" Angel smirked as he tossed the dressings into the trashcan.

"Yeah, well... I didn't want to be flayed alive, either." 

"Sorry." Angel said apologetically. 

"You're not really sorry, are you?" Spike asked, unconvinced of his sire's sincerity.

Angel looked up and smiled. "Not really, no. You shouldn't have taken them off." Spike stared at him, trying to decide whether to be angry or not, but decided he didn't have the energy. 

"In case you hadn't noticed, Angel, I'm all healed up." 

Angel watched as Spike ran his long fingers along the ugly red scar running the length of his side. He knew that it would disappear in a day or so and there would be no sign of the injury Spike had suffered. He also knew that, while it might look healed, a gash that deep didn't heal overnight even for a vampire. Reaching out he pressed lightly on the scar and Spike pulled away, swatting at his hands. "Hey, that hurts. Stop pokin' me." 

"All healed up, huh?" Angel replied, his eyebrow arching slightly.

"Well, mostly." Spike said, a scowl on his face. 

"Actually, it does look like it's healing pretty quickly. I guess my blood's good for something." Angel laughed lightly as he stood up and walked toward the linen closet.

"Your blood? You mean, you..." 

"I figured it would do you more good than pig's blood." Angel interrupted as he retrieved several towels from the shelf and turned, setting them on the edge of the sink. Spike sat staring at him for a moment, then ducked his head. 

"Ta, mate." 

"Anytime." The dark haired vampire smiled as he walked across the bathroom and stood in front of Spike. "So, you have everything you need?" Spike nodded, glad for the change in subject. He rose from the bench, weaving slightly, and Angel reached out, grabbing his arm to keep him from falling. "Spike, you should be lying down." 

"I'm fine. I just stood up too fast is all." He said, pushing away from Angel as he made a big show of standing on his own. "See." 

"Fine, but why don't you take a bath instead? At least that way you can sit down." Angel suggested.

"Suppose you'd want me to take it with bubbles and all?" Spike answered as he reached into the shower, turning on the water. 

"Spike..."

"Well, I'm not taking some froofy bath. I'm taking a shower. I like showers." 

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?" Angel asked, staring back at his childe.

Spike smiled, his eyebrows wiggling slightly. "It's part of me charm." 

"Fine, ok, I give up." Angel said, raising his hands in mock surrender. He stood staring at Spike who stood staring back at him, unmoving. "What's wrong?" He finally asked. Spike nibbled at his bottom lip, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. "Spike... what is it?" 

"Well... I... I gotta get undressed now." He answered quietly, his eyes not quite meeting Angel's gaze. He was feeling very selfconscious all of a sudden, and he really didn't know why. The idea of being naked with Angel was something he had thought about quite a lot since arriving in LA. In fact, over the last two days he had thought of little else, dreamt about nothing else, even tossed off to those sorts of thoughts about his sire. He wanted Angel and he wanted that intimacy, but suddenly the idea that he might actually get what he wanted made him very nervous.

"Spike, I've seen you naked thousands of times. Last night, to be exact, and what...now you want me to turn around?" Angel laughed. 

"Well, this aint a bleedin' peep show, Angel." Spike answered defiantly, meeting his sire's eyes.

"Fine...I'll turn around." Good as his word Angel turned his back on the younger vampire, shaking his head as he did so. He wasn't sure why Spike was feeling so uncharacteristically modest, but he gave him his privacy. "Are you going to be ok on your own in there?" 

"What do you mean?" Spike asked as he pulled the sweat pants down, tossing them on the closed hamper. 

"I mean, are you going to be ok as in do I need to worry about finding you out cold in the shower with a fractured scull when you pass out because you shouldn't be standing up and are too stubborn to take a bath." 

"I'll be fine." Spike said, trying not to smile at Angel's concern.

"Well, it's just -- if you need help... I could... well, I could help you with your shower. If you needed help, that is." Angel said haltingly, suddenly feeling awkward. He waited for an answer, but there was only silence, and he turned around, forgetting Spike's need for privacy as he watched his childe stare at the tiled floor. He took in his childe's naked form and felt himself grow hard at the sight. The stance was so reminiscent of William in one of his submissive states that it was all Angel could do not to throw Spike on the floor and fuck him right there. 

"You... you mean... come in the shower with me?" Spike said as he nibbled at his bottom lip once more, and Angel couldn't help the smile that crept across his face at the sight. Sometimes Spike was just so adorable, he thought to himself.

"Yeah, if you needed help...I could... I mean, I...I don't want you to hurt yourself. You're still weak, and you could fall or something." Angel said, trailing off as he watched the emotions flit across Spike's face. 

"Well... I guess if you're just gonna brood about it otherwise, you can help me... if you want." He looked up at Angel, seeing the smile on his face. "What?" He asked, a little defensively.

"Nothing, you're just really cute when you're shy, that's all." Spike glared at his sire as he took a menacing if albeit shaky step toward him.

"Let's get one thing straight, Angel, I am not now -- nor have I ever been -- cute! I'm a vampire. Vampire's aren't cute." 

"Of course not." Angel said in mock seriousness, kissing Spike on the nose as he discarded his pants and stepped into the shower, holding out his hand to his childe. Spike scowled at Angel for a moment longer, well aware of the fact that the older vampire was patronizing him but, being uncertain what to do about it, he took Angel's hand and entered the shower, deciding to deal with it later. 
 
 

Angel moved back, allowing Spike to step beneath the spray of hot water as his eyes raked over the sight before him. Spike was smaller than Angel, not as tall or broad, but his body was just as beautiful. Lean muscles under smooth pale skin glistened under the pulsing water and Angel longed to reach out and touch it, caress it, taste it. He watched as the younger vampire closed his eyes, letting the water run down over his upturned face. 

The heat of the water felt good against Spike's skin and he stood there for a few minutes letting it soak into him, easing his tension. He wasn't sure why he felt tense -- but he knew the fact that Angel was standing naked and wet only a few inches behind him wasn't helping. He knew he wanted to be with Angel, but they had both changed so much over the years that he worried things would be different between them, that maybe they had changed too much. The old saying, you can't go home again, came to mind and he was afraid that it might be true. What if he couldn't please Angel, he thought, as he leaned forward, pressing his hands on the tiled wall. He bowed his head, letting the water run down over the back of his neck and shoulders. He had always known what Angelus liked and how to arouse him, but Angel wasn't Angelus. 

The hands on his shoulders startled him and he stood up suddenly, jumping slightly. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Angel whispered in his ear as the older vampire closed the gap between them.

"You...you didn't." Spike replied, trying to sound unaffected by Angel's nearness. His sire smiled at the obvious lie as he began to gently rub over the surface of his childe's neck and back. 

"Relax." 

Spike took a deep shuddering breath and resumed his former position, allowing the touch as he felt his tension float away under the hot water and gentle ministrations of his sire. Angel worked the muscles in his shoulders and upper arms, then slowly massaged between Spike's shoulder blades, eliciting a soft moan from his childe. The older vampire took this as a sign to continue and he began making his way down to his lower back. 

The younger vampire could feel his whole body tingling with Angel's touch and he moaned again as firm hands kneaded his flesh. Angel smiled at the sound then, reaching up with one hand, he pulled Spike upright as he reached for the bottle of shampoo that sat on the shelf beside them. 

"Hey, I was enjoying that..." Spike whined at the loss of touch but Angel only laughed lightly as he poured a generous amount of shampoo into his hand and slid his fingers through Spike's hair, massaging his scalp instead. "Angel, I don't need you to wash my hair. I'm not helpless, you know?" 

"I know you're not, but this isn't about you being helpless."

"What's it about then?" Spike asked as he instinctively leaned into the touch, pushing his head back. 

"It's about me wanting to take care of you and you letting me. Not because you need me to, but because I need to." 

Spike turned, staring at Angel, not certain what to say. He could see that his sire was completely serious, that doing something nice for Spike -- even something as mundane as washing his hair for him -- obviously meant a lot to him, and he wondered if it was his way of saying he was sorry for all those times when he hadn't been there to take care of him in the past. Deciding that it probably was -- and deciding that he kind of liked the idea of being taken care of -- he turned back around, letting his sire do just that. Angel's fingers were back in his hair a second later, running through the damp locks, then he leaned Spike forward under the spray, rinsing his hair free of the shampoo. 

Angel's hands lingered on Spike's wet skin as he wiped the suds away. The feel of his childe's flesh under his hands after so many years stirred his blood and he tried not to think of the erection that bobbed against his stomach. He reached for the soap, trying to distract himself -- unfortunately, that was impossible while standing in the shower with Spike. So, resigned to the inevitable, he worked the soap into a heady lather, then began to wash Spike's back. 

When his childe didn't protest he continued, watching as the suds slid over the supple skin, cleansing it of the last traces of blood and grime from the night before. Then, unable to resist, he leaned forward, kissing his childe's neck as his hands slid down caressing the taut muscles of his childe's ass. He felt Spike tremble slightly at the touch and smiled at this reaction. Then, stepping closer, he reached around Spike's slender waist, turning the younger vampire toward him. 

Spike looked up at him and was about to speak but never got the chance as Angel's mouth covered his. All thought evaporated in that moment and Spike's nervousness disappeared as his instincts kicked in. Reaching up, he grabbed the back of his sire's head, pulling him down, his fingers playing with the short brown locks as the kiss deepened. Spike's tongue slipped between parted lips and they both moaned into the kiss as their tongues danced about, tasting each other. 

Angel's hands roamed over Spike's back, pulling him closer as their erections rubbed deliciously against one another. The foreskins pulled back with each forward thrust, exposing the reddened heads as their hips moved slowly against each other trying to create the friction they needed and Angel reached down, squeezing Spike's ass as he pulled him closer still. He was rewarded with another moan from Spike as the blond began to reacquaint himself with the body that stood before him. 

The younger vampire's hands slid down over Angel's body, skimming his broad back then circling around to his chest, allowing his thumbs to rub over the hardened nipples. He pinched them lightly as Angel broke the kiss, his mouth descending on his childe's neck. He kissed and nipped at Spike's throat, running his blunt human teeth down the side then licking his way back up.

"Yes...yes...please." Spike panted as Angel sucked at the small scar he had left there upon Spike's turning. His childe's neck arched into the touch and Angel growled approvingly as he bit down lightly, his fangs descending as they pierced the skin. He lapped at the small wounds, taking just a sip, the taste of Spike's blood filling him with need. Then pulling back, his human face returning, he kissed his childe's lips once more. 

Spike needed this, needed to be claimed. It had been so long since he had felt wanted, truly desired by someone else, and he didn't want this feeling to stop. He returned the kiss then broke away, nipping and kissing at his sire's face and throat. The kisses became more frantic as his hips continued to thrust against the older vampire's and Spike gasped as Angel took hold of his hardened length, stroking it slowly from base to tip. He reached for Angel's cock, mimicking the actions of his sire as his fingers played over Angel's penis. 

Pulling the foreskin up over the tip he pinched it lightly, smiling as Angel hissed at the sensation this caused. He repeated the action several times, feeling Angel's erection grow harder in his grasp, then, slipping his hand lower, he cupped his sire's heavy balls in his palm, squeezing them gently as the older vampire gripped his shoulders, pushing him gently against the tiled wall of the shower. 

The hot water poured down over them as Angel kissed his way down Spike's throat and chest. He leaned forward, taking a nipple in his mouth, his tongue laving at it as his teeth bit lightly on the small brown nub, causing Spike to whimper slightly. He continued to stroke Spike's cock as he peppered his chest with kisses then he knelt down, taking Spike's hands in his, holding them up against the tiles, as he captured his childe's cock in his mouth. 

Spike arched off the wall as Angel sucked at the engorged head, the feelings coursing through his body making him dizzy. Angel released his hands, pushing his hips back against the tiles, and Spike's fingers pulled and clutched at his sire's hair as Angel continued to suck him off. Pulling them loose of his damp locks, Angel held his childe's hands against the wall once more and Spike struggled to free them, wanting to touch his sire, but the older vampire held him fast. The sensations overwhelmed him a second later and he gave up the fight as he leaned back, allowing Angel full control.

Closing his eyes, he reveled in the feeling of Angel's tongue as it slid up the side of his cock, then swirled around the head, as his sire flicked it over the small opening, tasting Spike for the first time. Angel lapped at the precum dribbling onto his tongue and smiled as he listened to the moans from his childe. He took the length in his mouth again, his head bobbing up and down, relishing the pleasure he saw in Spike's expression. His childe thrust his hips forward, trying to get Angel to take more, and he slid forward, swallowing it whole, his throat muscles flexing as he slipped a hand between Spike's legs. 

Spike's freed hand went immediately to his sire's hair again, pulling him forward against his wiry curls, and Angel allowed it this time, giving Spike a small amount of control. Then, slipping one long finger inside his childe's entrance, he felt the muscles tense then relax as he slowly worked Spike's hole. He released the other hand as he continued to lick and suck at his childe's cock, feeling the younger vampire tremble, and Spike thrust down against the finger, then gasped as it scrapped over his prostate, causing him to buck his hips. Angel looked up at his childe, slipping a second finger inside him, and rolled his balls in his other hand, tugging on them slightly as Spike rolled his head against the shower wall, totally lost in his pleasure. 

Spike had never felt anything as intense as this and it made him feel weak in the knees. He could feel his whole body shaking at the sensations running through it and he knew he wouldn't last much longer. Then, as if sensing this, Angel reached down, taking his own cock in his hand. He began to stroke himself quickly, running his thumb over the tip as he flexed his throat muscles again and again, all the while increasing the speed of his thrusting fingers. Spike whimpered and moaned above him, and the sounds drove Angel over the edge. He jerked his hips as his cum was washed away in the steady stream of water and he moaned around his childe's cock, the reverberations causing Spike to cum as well. He shot his seed into his sire's waiting mouth as he cried out his pleasure, and Angel swallowed every drop. 

Panting hard as he stood against the shower wall, Spike watched as Angel licked the last remnants of his orgasm from his skin. He could feel every muscle in his body clenching and unclenching as his blood coursed through him. He felt alive and whole and, for the first time in a very long time, he felt loved. Running his hands through Angel's hair, he smiled as his sire looked up at him, then he felt his knees give out and Angel reached out, grabbing at his waist, holding him steady. He winced at the slight pain in his side and Angel quickly stood, picking him up. 

His sire reached out, turning off the water as Spike allowed himself to be carried from the shower, and Angel nuzzled into his hair as his childe rested his head against his shoulder. He breathed in Spike's scent as he grabbed a towel and walked back into the bedroom. He laid his childe on the bed, drying him as best he could, then wrapped the towel around his own waist as he pulled the sheet up over Spike.

"That was unbelievable." Spike said through half closed lids as Angel sat down on the bed, brushing the back of his hand against Spike's cheek.

"You liked that, huh?" He asked with a knowing grin. Spike laughed quietly, then smiled.

"Yeah, you never did that before."

"I always wanted to, though." He replied as he leaned down, kissing Spike lightly on the lips. His childe stared back at him, a confused expression on his face. 

"Then why didn't you?"

"Vampire lore, Sire/Childe games..." He began, shaking his head. "Angelus was an idiot. He had no idea what he was missing."

Spike smiled at that comment but made no response. His eyes blinked as sleep pulled at him and Angel knew he should have resisted the temptation, allowed his childe to heal fully before giving in to his needs, but he refused to feel guilty about what had just happened between them. Standing up, he pulled the blanket around Spike's now still form and turned to leave the room. 

"I think I like being taken care of." Spike said as he snuggled under the blanket. Angel laughed quietly to himself, then made his way into the hall, leaving his childe to get some much needed rest.