Subject: [OTL]: SC: A Night of Mild Terror (And Some Nausea) [PG for Language] Date: Wed, 23 Jun 1999 13:05:23 EDT From: PoiLass@aol.com The characters don't belong to me, neither does the fine concept of Subreality. But I'm sure you all know who they _do_ belong to, so lets just move right along. Warning: There's a buncha swearing. Also, I'm not really a very nice person, and I think it probably shows. Also again, I wrote this in a fairly short space of time, and I think that probably shows too. But I don't really care ;-). A NIGHT OF MILD TERROR (AND SOME NAUSEA). (Being A Tale Of Subreality.) One fine, Summer night in Subreality... A Gambit and a Wisdom sauntered, swaggered, strolled, and generally moseyed on up to the Subreality Cafe, as only two men in trenchcoats can. "All right, mate?" the Pete greeted the Bouncer. The Bouncer nodded tersely, as he looked them up and down. "I don't think you two want to be goin' in there." He said gruffly. The Remy tossed his cigarette away with a muttered curse. "I _told_ y' we shoulda gone to Slashonia." he told the Pete bitterly. "An' I told you, that place is full of bloody Drakes, and I ain't the mood to have snow stuffed down me pants." The Remy ignored him. "I _told_ y' he'd do dis." he gestured at the Bouncer angrily. "Ev'ry time _anyone_ wants in de Cafe, he's `no, y' too angsty', `nooo, it's Writer's Night', `no way homme, y' ain't got no fuckin' blue suede _shoes_'!" The Bouncer glared at him. "Look, you stupid Cajun bastard, I'm just warning ya -" Pete stepped forward and stopped his potential tirade with a poke in the chest. "Look, mate, we don't want yer warnings, allright?" He said, as calmly as he could (i.e.: not very.) "We've had a crappy day coming out to our ex's, and we just wanna go on a nice, quiet drunk, okay? So be a good little Bouncer, and get out the soddin' way before we blow ya out. Fair enough?" Rather to the pair's surprise, since they'd been hoping for a fight, the Bouncer simply stared at them for a moment before politely stepping aside. "Fair enough." He said, opening the door for them. "Have a nice night, gentlemen." Unfortunately, they were too busy pulling out their cigarette packets, to see the rather frightening smirk on the Bouncer's face as they walked in. *** The Cafe was unusually dim, with plenty of small tables, all filled with couples, dotted around a dance floor. There was an orchestra to one side of a stage, on which stood a single microphone - currently unattended. Sappy love songs played over the speakers. "Ah, Christ." Pete said in disgust as he took the place in. "What is this, Rogue an' _you_ night?" "... Non." Remy replied absently, looking around. "Dere's a Jubilee an' Everett over dere. And dere, a couple of you an' Kittys." "Where?" "Dere. Sitting near dose Mary Sues. Oo, dere's even a Cable wit'out a gun - don't see dat very often." "I'll get out my Cable-spotting notebook and mark it right down." Remy ignored him. "And over dere - huh." He cut himself off in surprise. "What?" "Hm? Oh, not'ing. Jus' don' get a lot o' Lilandra's in here. An' she's wit' de Professor, too." Remy shrugged. "Thought dat only happened in canon..." "Couples night." Pete said sagely. "Gotta be." Remy grinned mischievously."Dat's okay. We a couple now, non?" "Shut the fuck up LeBeau." Pete growled, "C'mon, are we gettin' a drink or what?" "Oui, oui..." They made their way over to the bar - only to discover - "Where's the fucking _bar_?!" Pete exclaimed, stunned. A number of Rogues looked around at him, shocked. Even worse, so did a number of Remys. "LeBeau..." He muttered, backing away as several started saying things about protecting her honour, "I'm gettin' a bad feeling about this..." Remy's answer was cut off by feedback from the microphone, echoing through the Cafe as the music cut out. They looked towards the stage, where a Rogue now stood at the mike. "Pete..." Remy whispered, unnnerved by the sudden silence in the place. "Her dress has _frills_ on it." "And? That turns you on or somethin', does it?" "It's jus'... I ain't never seen a frilly Rogue before." "We got more important things to worry about LeBeau. Like where we're gonna get a fucking _drink_." "Hi y'all." The Rogue said shyly. "This song Ah'm gonna sing for ya, is one that means a lot ta me. Ah'm singin' it for a very special person. Shugah, Ah hope ya understand. It's called, `My heart will go on'." The orchestra started playing. Rogue started singing. Pete and Remy stood frozen in place. "oh..." Pete managed after a moment. "oh my god..." "Pete..." Remy's voice was a mere whimper. "Pete, please. Y' have to get me _out_ of here." "I... I _can't_ mate. I can't move." "Please... I beg you..." "Remy... she's... she's... singin'." "I - noticed - dat!" Remy spat through gritted teeth. "Oh, Christ. An' me without my gun." Pete was pale, and getting paler. "We're in hell, aren't we? We were mean to the Bouncer, and he opened some kinda sodding extradimensional portal, straight to hell." "C'mon," Remy said desperately, grabbing him, "Let's go!" They ran for the door, (avoiding a singing Remy kneeling before a Rogue) only to find it was - "Locked!" "It can't be, lemme try -" Pete pushed at it, but - "Oh _fuck_. It's locked from the other side. The fucking _Bouncer_ - Oi! You sick, evil _bastard_, let us out of here or we'll blow the whole place up!" The door remained steadfastly shut, and neither hotknives nor kinetically charged tapes of "Best hits of the `80's" could budge it. The pair fell against the wall, turning to face the stage again as the song finally finished. "Oh my god..." Pete said again, horrified beyond proper swearing. "She's _crying_ now." "You t'ink dat's bad? Look at dat _me_ over dere!" "What -?" Remy pointed, covering his face as he did so. "Shit!" Pete gasped, mixed amusement and horror. "Yer blubbering like a five year old!" "An' very sensitive o' you to point it out, t'anks." Remy said grimly. "Merde, look at dem, half de cafe is in tears." "And the other half is makin' out. What the fuck _is_ this?" "I t'ink..." Remy let his words die off, as if he couldn't bear to say it. "What?!" "I t'ink..." He cleared his throat, and lowered his voice. "I t'ink it might be..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "_*Songfic night*_." "... what?" Remy averted his eyes, mumbling, "y' heard." Pete stared at him. "That's - that's just a legend, isn't it?" "Non. I don't t'ink so. Look around." Pete did, noticing for the first time, the number of couples slow dancing and ... singing to each other. The number of balconies, from which people... sang to each other. The number of boomboxes, portable stereos, personal cd players, and - most frightening of all - guest radio DJs. He took a few tentative steps forward, still not willing to believe, and heard a Rogue exclaiming to a Mary-Sue, "Oh, you know what? Ah just heard this song on the radio in the Ladies, and - it's uncanny - but it's just exactly how _Ah_ feel, raht this minute!" "Oh my God!" The Mary-Sue exclaimed back. "The same thing happened to me, just now!" There was a further chorus of "Me too's" from - as far as he could tell - pretty much everyone in the place, and Pete quickly scurried back to his corner, refusing to meet Remy's enquiring eyes. "No. Oh, no, mate," he choked, letting himself slide foetally down the wall. "No, I was right the first time. "This _is_ hell." ~end? Notes: One of the nicest things about X-ficdom is in fact its relative lack of songfic, compared to other fandoms. But other fandoms don't have Subreality, and I hadda get it off my chest. ;-) The Pete & Remy pair were from "Sunrise" by Alestar. I first heard the word `Slashonia' used by Surisa, I _think_, but I guess I'll have to take responsibilty for making it a gay club in Subreality... . The songficsters were from fics which will remain nameless, since I've gone to _such_ great pains to forget their names...