Author's notes: I'd bet you thought I never get around to finishing this. I've made a few revision along the way. Thanks go to Persephone Kore for her encouragements.

***

Meadow-X v. 2.0
by Sabia

***

The Meadow Party had held its first convention in the New York. Professor Xavier had been encouraging his X-Men to take an interest in the election campaigns and so many of the team ended up attending the brief but rousing rallies. But somehow, the Meadow Party made a bigger impression on them than they planned...

***

Chapter One

Ororo sailed down the stairs. She was so happy. For the first time in her life she knew true love. Logan and Remy were waiting in the hallway.
"Good day, my friends," she smiled radiantly.
Remy smiled despite his reason for loitering around. He always liked seeing his Stormy cheerful.
"Bonjour, Stormy."
The mistress of the elements frowned playfully.
"I have asked you not to call me that name."
"Remy be hard of hearing."
Ororo laughed.
Logan also smiled. It was a sound that had missing in the mansion for a some time.
"How's yer new fella, darlin'?"
"Oh Logan," She gushed. "I have never been happier. He is everything I could ask for."
Remy and Logan exchanged glances. They were going to give her new 'friend' a quick once-over, just to make sure he knew what would happen if he hurt Ororo.
"Dat's good, chere. You t'ink we can meet him?" Remy asked casually. No point in trying to sneak around her. She would get mad at both of them for certain.
Ororo gave her two close friends an understanding smile. Considering her less than dazzling choices previously, she wasn't surprised at their protectiveness.
"Are you worried that he may not be suitable for me?"
Logan blew out a ring of smoke.
"We love ya, darlin'. Of course we're worried. I promise we won't rough him up none."

***

Upstairs, things were not as rosy for another X-couple.

Warren fluttered his wings nervously. She's been under a lot of stress, he reminded himself. "Betsy, please. For me, consider what you're doing."
Betsy paused in her packing. "What I'm doing is following my heart. I love Opus. I'm sorry but I can't change that."
"But why?!" Warren wailed. "What does he have that I don't? He's just a personals clerk with some backwater newspaper. He dabbles in suspicious politics and," He paused, the revulsion he felt surging in his throat. "He can't even fly!"
Betsy sighed. She knew it would be hard. "Warren, please understand. People change. Goodbye."
Warren sat slumped on the bed as she stepped into the shadows and disappeared.

***

There was a beeping from outside.
Ororo brightened and fussed with her immaculate dress.
"He's here!"
"Why don' he come to de door?" Remy asked immediately.
"He knows what kind of people live in this house," Ororo answered calmly. She wouldn't do anything that would harm her new love's chance at approval from her friends. "He said he'll keep a distance until you give your respective blessings."
Logan nodded. Boy's got respect, he thought. Good.
Ororo pulled the door open and hurried down the steps to the waiting Zephyr convertible.
"Hello, my love!"
"Ack, ooph." Bill the Cat replied lovingly.
The two X-Men stared with horror and disbelief at the mangy orange feline in a ratty tie that was sitting behind the wheel.
"Mon dieu!" Remy exclaimed.
Logan growled. To say he wasn't a cat person was an understatement.

***

Chapter Two

Professor Charles Xavier wasn't much for socializing. His last real drinking buddy had been Magnus. Some time back, while they were both still in Israel, he had said, 'hey, you know what would be neat? If we ruled the world.' Unfortunately, Magnus had taken that drunken suggestion a little too seriously. But today was an exception. Today he was the captain of the Enterprise-D as he commanded his ship in tight formation along side the captain of the first ship to bear that name. Cutter John had dropped by the base for a visit but they decided to take a tour around the galaxy.
"Prepare for transporter," he called.
Cutter looked over briefly. Can't be too careful when traveling at warp factor ten, he thought.
"Transport coordinates locked."
"Energize!"
Charles lobbed the flask over at Cutter, who caught it neatly.
"Where to, Captain?" He asked.
"Set course for The Untamed Planet of Moderately Moral Stenographers, Captain." Cutter responded.
"Course confirmed." Charles agreed. "Engage!"
The two starchairs disappeared around a bend in the road.

***

Scott rubbed the bridge of his nose. The Professor was speeding down the road in his wheelchair, Ororo was out romancing an intermittently dead cat and Betsy had taken off to be with her flightless paramour. We're going to have to have a recruiting drive soon, he mused. He noticed Bobby Drake coming down the hall.
"Hey, Scott." Bobby said cheerfully.
"Hey, Bobby," he said. "You going out?"
"Yup," The happy Iceman grinned. "I got a date!"
Scott felt the start of headache behind his eyes.
"Tell me it's with a girl."
"What? Yeah, of course it's with a girl. What kind of question is that?" Bobby asked, affronted. "Her name's Lola Granola. She's an artist."
"Oh. That sounds normal, I mean, nice," Scott amended quickly. He stepped aside as his teammate hurried out to the garage. Then he noticed a young black man walking down the driveway followed by what appeared to be a yellow computer with feet.
"Good afternoon," The boy said. "Is this the residence of Katherine Pryde?"
Scott blinked under his visor. Computers? Kitty? Makes sense. "Yes, it is. Who are you?"
"Oliver Wendell Jones." The boy said. He waved at the ambulatory computer that was angled towards Scott as if it was looking at him.
"This is my Banana Junior."

***

Chapter Three

One week later, there was a visitor to the mansion.

Mutants in general were hated and feared but if there was one person who could be considered the poster boy for being hated and feared it was this person. He was Erik Magnus Lehnsherr. Magneto. He landed neatly on the front steps of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning and pressed the doorbell. He was, unusually enough, in a very good mood. After a few months of recuperating he was feeling like a new man. He didn't have any especially psychopathic tendencies anymore. After all, if falling through the atmosphere and landing head-first in a rain forest doesn't knock some sense into one's head, nothing will.

So he waited on the battered welcome mat and hummed a pleasant tune. He realized the X-Men and Charles might not be too enthusiastic about seeing him again but he was determined to make amends. And collect his spare undies from the box in the basement.
Scott opened the door, looking rather frazzled. He stared at the visitor.
"Magneto!"
"Hello, Scott," Magnus smiled. "I know that-"
"Thank god, you're here!"
Magnus blinked. He had been hoping for a peaceful reception but this was a bit more than he anticipated. A mental alarm bell went off.
"Scott, what's happened?"
The leader of the X-Men took off his visor and rubbed his face. It had been a rough week.
"Charles is crazy, the team's falling apart and we've got a cockroach rebellion on our hands!"
Deep breath, Magnus told himself.
"Okay. One thing at a time. Charles is crazy. That's fine. I've already done that. We know how to cope. Just humor him for now. He hasn't taken off and built a base somewhere at the ends of the earth, has he?"
"No, not yet," Scott said as he relaxed. "Sorry about that. Come on in."

***

In the living room, the X-Men were huddled in conference. Warren was drinking steadily and making vulgar comments about penguins, Jean, Remy and Logan had the blueprints for the house out and planning their counter-attack on the cockroaches. Magnus tensed as Logan stood up but the stocky Canadian held out a hand in greeting.
"Mags, it's good ta see ya. We could use some heavy-duty help here."
Magnus was baffled but decided to take the peace offering.
"I'd be glad to help but I don't know what the problem is yet. Scott mentioned that Charles may not be of sound mind?"
Remy snorted into his beer. "Dat be de truth. He be doing wheelies in his chair all morning."
"What?".
"He be de captain of the Enterprise. De new one," The thief elaborated.
Magnus searched through his memory. "Is that the show with the fellow with the pointed ears? No, never mind. So he's still on the grounds then?"
"Yes, he is," Scott sighed. "Hank's downstairs making up his dandelion joy juice, Betsy's gone, Ororo, well..."
"Is she all right?"
"She's dating a cat."
Presumably someone would fill me later on the details, Magnus decided. They can't possible mean a real cat. A cat-like mutant was far more likely.
"I see. Go on."
"Rogue," Logan paused. "She's seeing somebody."
That was a tad disappointing, Magnus thought. "Ah. Well. I only wish her happiness."
"He be a neurotic little fruitcake!" Remy sulked.
"Binkley's just sensitive," Jean interjected.
Logan handed Magnus a glass of scotch.
"Here, bub. You'll need it soon."
Magnus accepted the proffered glass feeling a bit nonplused at the suddenly hard-drinking X-Men.
"I think I'll go talk to Charles first."
Something short and pet-like wearing a hat waddled by the doorway , catching his attention. This was new.
"When did you get a dog?"
"It's not a dog. It's a basselope," Jean said as she added another shot of whisky to her coffee. "His name's Rosebud."
Magnus went into the hallway and stared after the creature. The hat was in fact a set of antlers. He came back and drained his glass in one swallow.

***

After another round of fortifying drinks, Magnus flew up to have a look around the mansion grounds. Scott had locked the gates to prevent Charles from rolling away but it was a lot of area to cover. He spotted the founder of the X-Men behind the garage and flew over.
"Charles!"
The captain looked over. He couldn't believe it, his old adversary was back. He steered his ship over to the entity.
"Q! What are you doing here?" Charles asked.
Magnus tried to think of a reason why his friend would have reduced his name to one letter. And the wrong one at that. Nothing occurred to him but then he really didn't expect anything to.
"Charles, what are you talking about? It's me, Magnus."
The captain fixed him with a disbelieving stare.
"You can't fool me, Q."
Just play along, Magnus told himself.
"No, M. Higher up on the alphabet."
Charles looked puzzled.
"The M Continuum? Why did you change the name?"
"I didn't," Magnus sighed. "Charles, why don't you come in? Scott and the rest of your students are concerned about you."
"Tell Number One he'll have to take command," Charles instructed firmly. "I'm going on a five year mission in search of cheap pleasures."
Magnus was scandalized. He had nothing against cheap pleasures but he had too much class to just announce it like that. He decided to try just a little force and held the wheelchair in place with the smallest amount of his powers.
The captain glared at the offending entity.
"Get your tractor beam off my ship! Fire forward phasers!"
The psi-bolt hit him directly between the eyes. Magnus released his magnetic grip on the wheelchair as he felt the migraine blossom forth. Charles made a break for freedom and Magnus flinched as his friend maneuvered over his feet on his way to another tour of the galaxy.

***

Magnus limped back inside with a pounding headache.
"How'd it go?" Jean asked anxiously.
"He ran over my foot," he informed her with glacial calm. "Twice."
"Um, I'd call Hank but..."
"He's stoned out of his mind on dandelion extract," Magnus finished. "Who the hell told him to do that?"
"We think Sinister did," Jean said uncomfortably. "Scalphunter contacted us and said Sinister's been acting strange. He wanted to know if we had put something in their water supply."
"Essex is always acting strange," he snorted as he grabbed the whisky bottle from her.
"Well, stoned then!" Jean yelled in frustration. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. It's just..."
Magnus sighed and tried to look supportive. "It's all right, Jean. I know. What on earth possessed the man to experiment with vegetation?"
"He, they, were collaborating on a cure for the Legacy Virus," Jean sighed. "Essex was trying a derivation of Oliver's and it sort of took off from there."

***

Chapter Four

"Good morning, Doctor McCoy," said Magnus.
"I spanked the funky winkerbeans," Hank replied, gazing deeply at the floor. He was lying on his front, entranced by the sparkles in the linoleum.
"I don't suppose there is any chance the extract has worn off?" Magnus continued.
Hank rolled over and sat up. "Watermelons! Watermelons!" he shrieked before running out of the room as if his fur was on fire.
"Obviously not."

Magnus set himself to preparing a nourishing breakfast of oatmeal with a side of sausages because he was a firm believer in the value of a good meal to start the day.

"I say," a voice around ground level said. "Is there any chance of a bagel?"
Without looking at the speaker, Magnus retrieved two poppyseed bagels and sliced them. Cream cheese was applied. The bagels were put on a plate and set on the floor.
"Thank you so much." the voice said.
A scraping noise told Magnus that the plate had been taken away. He let his breath out with a hiss. That was too close. One of the reasons the Master of Magnetism was still in possession of his faculties after four days of exposure to whatever element had driven most of the X-Men around the bend was that he had managed so far not to actively think about certain things such as basselopes or the psychotropic properties of dandelions.

A light tenor coming down the hall heralded the approach of Bobby Drake. Magnus had to concede that Lola Granola was a nice girl, for a modern artist. Bobby had taken a very strong interest in the arts because of their relationship but that was harmless enough.

"Good morning, Mags!" Bobby said cheerfully. He had a beret on his head.
"And you to you, Robert," Magnus allowed. "What's on your agenda for today?"
Bobby pulled out his favorite cereal which was guaranteed to not have any nutritional content, "I'm helping Lola set up for her exhibition. Then tonight, I have a recital."
"Which instrument do you play?" Magnus approved of music as a pastime. It was appropriately wholesome and encouraged discipline.
"Oh, I'm a poet. Did you want to hear one of the pieces I'm reading?"
Poetry, Magnus considered. Dante. Shakespeare. Yeats. Who knew Robert had such depths? He nodded to the young bard. "Certainly."
Bobby stood up and declaimed,
"Spam lies on the plate,
Surrounded by frozen peas.
Diner looks askance."
He smiled hopefully. "What did you think?"
"I've never heard anything quite like it," Magnus said honestly.

***

Pete Wisdom , former Black Air agent and generally miserable cynic, approached the front doors of the Xavier mansion as if they were the gates of Hell. He had left the dangers of espionage behind in favor the dangers of hanging about with a group of nominal superheroes. Occasionally he wondered why. After all, he wasn't being paid and people kept trying to get him to wear spandex. Pete didn't wear spandex. Ever. Not since that unfortunate incident back in Black Air training with the yogurt.

He glanced around. The admittedly impressive grounds were too quiet. What with all the people living here there should be at least some noise. He cursed transatlantic communications, difficult girlfriends, and Life in general. Why his Kitty had summarily announced she was staying in the States, nobody knew. The only thing left was for him to get the story out of her.

The former spy flicked his cigarette into a nearby planter, rang the doorbell and waited.

A minute or two later, Pete noticed a smell in the air. He looked over at the small fire burning merrily in the planter.
"Shite."
The door opened. Magneto was on the other side. Pete stared. Damn! Magneto had taken out the X-Men! No wonder Kitty hadn't answered his communications. This was now a situation! The small self-preservation oriented part of his brain started babbling about how hot knives wouldn't really add to his chances of survival. But being the cool collected intelligence type what he said was:
"Aren't you dead?"
Magnus eyed the rumpled Englishman critically. He really would have to have a word with Kitty once things were sorted out.
"I got better."

***

Pete ambled through the mansion, drink in one hand and cigarette in the other. The X-Men who hadn't gone insane were drinking like they never planned to see sobriety again. It was amazing. And to think he thought he wouldn't enjoy his visit.

He wound his way down to the lowest sub-basement. The experimental computer lab housed all sorts of illegal, alien-derived toys that were kept under strict lock and key. Pete paused in the doorway, head tilted to one side as he caught a hint of His Kitty's Voice.

She was giggling. Breathlessly. "Oh, Oliver! That was so good!"
"It was nothing," a young male voice demurred.

Shite, Pete thought instantly.

"I've never seen anyone get that much performance out their hard drive before," Kitty cooed further to her unknown paramour. "The response time is amazing."

Bloody buggering hell. He'd show her some response times! Steeling himself against any possible array of sickening displays, Pete kicked the door open. Or at least he tried to. The motion detector opened the door automatically, leaving him with one leg flailing in space before he worked out that he should put it down again.

The computer lab was in that specific disorder that instantly confused anyone except the select few who under stood the order in the chaos. Instead of the torrid scene he had half-expected, Pete was treated to the sight of Kitty fussing over a yellow box in the company of some black git with big eyeglasses.
"Hey, Pryde," he began.
Kitty spun around and smiled. "Pete! I'm so glad you're here!"
That was a bit better, his ego noted approvingly.

***

Pete's happiness was short-lived. Kitty had nothing on her mind except the complicated mess around the yellow computer. The computer had feet, which Pete found vaguely worrying. Her new friend was introduced as Oliver Wendell Jones and he seemed nice enough for a girlfriend-stealing git. Pete listened with simmering irritation as they twittered on about stack space and access times. He had to corner Jones alone.

The opportunity finally arrived when Jean telepathically called Kitty to help with lunch. Pete accepted a quick peck on the cheek as better than nothing before she bounced out. The doors had barely closed before Pete was across the room and glaring down at Jones. The small scientist backed up against the wall.

"Is there something wrong, Mister Wisdom?" Oliver asked timidly.
"What's going on between you and Pryde?" Pete demanded.
Oliver stared unhappily at the floor. "Nothing. I think Kitty only likes me for, uh,"
"For what? Spit it out, you little wanker," Pete snapped.
"My equipment." Oliver admitted quietly.
Pete's jaw dropped. I always made sure she was satisfied, he reminded himself quickly.
"Damn you Yanks are blunt, aren't you?"
Oliver looked towards the yellow computer. "Kitty's obsessed with my banana junior."
Pete glared at the offending device.
She likes me better, the computer smugly displayed on its screen.
Okay, that's it, Pete thought. Hot knives formed at his fingertips.

***

The text of Bobby's touching haiku is by Keith and is archived at http://pemtropics.mit.edu/%7Ejcho/spam/1-100.html.

***

Chapter Five

The next morning, Jean had her eggs and brandy while Scott stared gloomily at the newspapers. He always started gloomily at the papers but now he had another reason.

Cable was coming home.

With Magneto in residence.

Scott had already put the building contractors on speed dial.

***

The PACRAT landed at the back of the mansion, effortlessly ruining the beautiful landscaping yet again. The ramp eventually descended and Cable strode out. He could see three people sitting at one of the picnic tables on the patio off the kitchen.

The resident smokers, Remy and Logan, had been joined by Pete for some early morning carcinogens. There were empty beer cans on the table and the whiskey bottle was down to the half-way point. Logan had decided to catch some shut-eye and was now snoozing under his cowboy hat. After all, he wasn't as young as he used to be. He needed at least three hours of sleep a night. Remy and Pete were studying the racing sheets in preparation for a productive day at the track.

Cable reached the group just as Kitty stormed out of the kitchen via the wall. Pete grinned. She had returned to her senses, insofar as they related to him, after Jones had fled the mansion with the remains of the banana junior. He was really starting to enjoy his visit.

"Remy, you talk to her!" Kitty demanded. "She still says she's going. Oh. Hi, Cable. Nice gun."
"Okay, petite. I try." Remy sighed.
"Good," said Kitty. She flopped into a chair and helped herself to a beer as Remy stood and wandered back into the mansion.
Cable frowned. "What's the situtation with Storm?"
"The daft bird is planning to take off and be a Boinger groupie," said Pete with a smirk.
"A what?"
Logan growled from under his hat. The whole topic of Ororo's involvement with Bill the Cat was particularly irksome to the man who called himself Wolverine. He'd always figured, self-flatteringly, that Ororo was more a dog person.
"A groupie," Kitty repeated with exaggerated patience. "You know, a band bunny? Ororo's boyfriend is lead tongue for the Boingers."
Cable considered taking her explanation literally then decided against it. Kids have different ways of describing things, he thought.
"Keep me posted," he said. It was his standard response when his subordinates were doing things he didn't understand. "I'll check in with Scott. This situation will be brought under control."

***

Cable left the smokers to their patio. They were proabably still snickering at him, a part of his mind noted. He eventually found Scott in Xavier's study, looking as serious as ever. Scott looked up at his son and they stared at each other as an alternative to articulating greetings. Mercifully, the phone rang. Scott put it on speaker and waved Cable to a chair. Cable sat down.

"Xavier's. Scott speaking."
"Cyclops, what the hell is going on? Where are your people?" an angry Mister Fantastic demanded.
"And a good morning to you, Reed. What's got your short in a knot?"
"There's a group of transdimentional aliens invading Long Island right now! We need the X-Men scrambled to deal with them!"
"The X-Men are already scrambled," said Scott mildly. "Which is why we aren't going anywhere. Bye, Reed. Say hello to Susan for me."
"How do you justify not responding?" Cable snapped.
Scott raised an eyebrow. "Where's your team?" he asked pointedly.
"Dom took the kids to the mall."
"Nathan," Scott began, using that special tone parents use when they intend to interrogate their children without mercy. "There is a grave threat to the lives and security of the people of New York and you're telling me X-Force is at the mall."
Cable fidgeted. "Yes," he mumbled. Damn. Lost that battle in a hurry didn't you, Dayspring?
"Good for them."
Satisfied he had exercised his right to reduce his cybernetic, time-traveling super-powered son to about six years old, Scott made himself a mid-morning refreshment.
"We think it might be the proximity," he said, stirring his martini absently. "Charles was normal the Tuesday before last. Then Cutter John came by for lunch." Scott extracted the olive out of his glass and flicked into the air. One pinpoint optic beam later, it was vaporized. "He's been stuck in captain mode ever since. Or maybe he's always been crazy and we just didn't notice."
Cable was of the growing opinion that Scott wasn't acting all that well-wrapped either. Outside, the resident bassleope waddled by the window.
"What the flonq is that?"
Scott didn't bother to turn around. "Is it a dog with antlers?"
"Uh, yes."
"That's Rosebud," said Scott. "He moved in. No-one's sure how."

***

Magnus came to collect him for his visit with Xavier. Scott had to go to the police department. Warren had gotten arrested again at the local zoo for yelling drunken obscenities at the penguins. Explanations of an unhappy love affair had only made the officers more skittish about apprehending the winged mutant. Xavier had rolled out immediately after breakfast and had last been seen on the other side of the lake. Cable and Magnus went on the hunt for the stray professor, both of them contriving not to acknowledge the other person in any way.

***

The captain performed a visual scan of the approaching lifeforms. One was his old adversary who had been mysteriously close by for several days. The other....the captain's eyes narrowed. The other represented a threat of the gravest kind.
"Stop right there!" he commanded.
Cable halted. When did Xavier start with the fake British accent? It was terrible.
"Xavier," he began carefully. "Do you know who I am?"
Magnus snorted. "He doesn't know who he is."
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"Flonq you."
"I know exactly what you are," said Xavier in frosty tones. "You brought them here, didn't you, Q?"
Cable glanced around. "Who?"
"He means me," said Magnus sourly.
"There aren't any Q's in your name," Cable pointed out.
"I know that."
"Why did you bring the Borg here?" Xavier demanded angrily.
"The what?" asked Cable and Magnus simultaneously.
"This far and no farther!" Xavier hollered. " The line must be drawn here! Fire phasers! Rotating frequency!"
Cable yelled as the various psi-bolts hit. "You bastard....!" he managed.
The captain wisely decided to retreat and steered his ship clear. Only a magnetic straight jacket kept Cable from running after him.
"No telekinesis," said Magnus preemptively. "He'll keep throwing telepathic attacks if you try physical force."
Cable glared. "I'd only need one shot."

***

Chapter 6

Jean wandered into the living room and glanced at the wall clock. "Scott?"
"Yes, Jean?" Scott didn't turn away from his game of Duke Nukem. He was still in his pajamas. They were blue and yellow.
"You forgot, didn't you?"
"Forget what, Jean?"
Jean sighed and telekinetically paused the Play Station.
"Hey!" Scott exclaimed. He had been on his way to breaking his high score too. "Sinister's gang is coming over today?"
Jean nodded and smoothed down her red and gold dressing gown. "Yes, Scott."

***

The Marauders arrived on time and in a mini-van. Such X-Men as were still around and could be persuaded to take interest in events were cajoled outside. Scott didn't even bother trying to get them into uniform.

***

"Boss, sit tight and let me get the door," Arclight said quickly.
The scientist stood, cracking his head on the low roof. "I assure you, Arclight. I am capable of walking," Essex said calmly. He pulled the door open and, forgetting to account for gravity, fell out.
Scalphunter turned the engine off and put his head down on the steering wheel.
"This is getting embarrassing."
"Yeah, but now it's not our problem." Arclight said lightly. "Let's go make nice to the twits."
Scalphunter manhandled his employer upright again. Essex made various semi-coherent observations about the interesting little yellow pixies that he could see dancing on the mansion roof.

Scott kept himself relaxed as Arclight strode up. The Marauder looked quite cheery in her cargo shorts, sandals and halter top.
"Hey there, boys and girls," said Arclight. "Gambit, stop gawking at my tits."
Remy smirked. "Dey real?"
"GAMBIT!" Scott exclaimed.
Arclight gave herself a contented pat. "Nah, but they look good. What do you think, Summers?"
Scott went a charming shade of strawberry.
"Uh...yes. Very, um, nice."
Logan sniggered.
"Thanks for taking care of the boss for us," said Arclight, changing topic without batting an eyelash. "Maybe he and the furball can come down long enough to figure out what they did, huh?"
There were mumbles of vague agreement from the X-Men.

Essex, supported by a Hawaii-shirted Scalphunter, was brought forward. The dread scientist was wearing pajamas with bluebells on them. And pink slippers.
"What happened to his clothes?" Scott asked. It wasn't the most leaderly of questions but given the weirdness of the past two weeks, he felt entitled to some slack.
"He'd strangle himself on the damned cape right now so we dug up some of Vic's old stuff," Scalphunter groused.
Tearing himself away from the question of what Sabretooth was doing with flowered pajamas in his possession, Scott took hold of the swaying Essex. Duty done, the Marauders climbed back into their van and sped away without the slightest evidence of guilt. Lucky them, Scott thought resentfully.

***

There was some debate as where to put Essex now that they had him. A regular containment cell wouldn't be enough if he came down even if he was usually too prim to just start blasting things. Warren sobered up enough to suggest setting the Danger Room to giant rubber room but Scott argued that they might need it for training. Jean finally pointed out that one of the regular guest rooms would be fine. So what if he bumped into the furniture? Essex had been shot in the head and that hadn't wrecked his day so a bedroom suite wasn't about to worry him.

***

Pete and Kitty, having packed up for their return to Muir, went in half-hearted search for Magnus to say their good-byes. They found him staring at a rectangular metallic lid in the middle of the lawn.

"Hi, Mags," Kitty said cheerfully. "We're heading out."
Magnus glanced up with a reasonably sincere smile. "I'm sorry you can't stay longer, Katherine. And you, Pete."
"Yeah, well. You know how it is," Pete said vaguely. He gestured with his cigarette at the metal lid on the grass. "What's all this then?"

The lid swung open. Cable's head popped up.
"What's the situation?" he demanded.
"You're standing in a hole in the ground," Magnus informed him.
Kitty leaned down. "A bomb shelter?"
Pete shook his head. "Yanks. You're all weird."
"Survival is no joke!" Cable snapped. "The world's disintegrating, girl. They're gonna drop the big one any day now."
Magnus started to laugh silently.
"And there'll be only a few of to survive past those first few steps out," Cable went on. "And those will be the strong, the brutal, the savage! Biting, maiming, clawing and killing to survive! And that'll..."
"Will be quite enough," Magnus said. The lid of the bomb shelter swung back and slammed onto Cable's head. There was muffled thud. Then there were the sounds of voices babbling excitedly. The hatch opened again.

Hodge-Podge and Portnoy were ready for the apocalypse. Cable was ready for Apocalypse so naturally they had found common ground. The jackrabbit and the groundhog were both fully equipped with the very best combat gear discount sporting goods stores could supply. Magnus, not letting himself see anything upsetting, turned on his heel and walked back to the mansion.

Kitty and Pete looked at each other.
"Did you want to do something, Pryde?" he inquired.
"Nah."

***

The second day after Essex arrived, there were signs normalcy was returning. Warren had stopped pinning for Betsy and returned to running Worthington Industries with help from his new advisor, Steve Dallas. Sadly, Lola's ex-boyfriend had dropped by for a visit and the old flame had ignited again. Jean tried with little hope of success to comfort a heartbroken Bobby.

"Well, what's he like?" Jean tried.
"He tests fighter jets for the Navy, catches sharks for fun and benchpresses 290 pounds. I'm a mutant accountant wannbe would wears spandex and lives in a boarding school. I don't stand a chance!"
Jean had to concede the competition sounded tough.
"Bart, Bart, Bart," Bobby ranted. "And you wanna know what his last name is?"
"Simpson?" Jean suggested with a grin.
"Savagewood!" Bobby exclaimed, ignoring her. He stared sullenly at the tabletop. "Aw, forget it. I think I'll call up Emma and see if she still wants a new sub. At least I know where I stand with her. See you later, Jean. Thanks for listening."
Jean blinked. "Uh, okay."

***

Scott woke up in the middle of the night in the mood for some hot chocolate. Light from the den attracted his attention so he poked his head inside. He found Essex and Hank watching late night televsion and looking miserable. Essex had a bag of ice on his head. Hank was curled up on the couch, shedding blue fur and staring blankly.

"Are you guys coming down?" Scott asked with a smirk.
Hank stirred and managed a half-power snarl. "Go away. I'm hungover."
"Just like when were kids," Scott reminiced.
Essex raised an eyebrow and re-settled his ice bag more comfortably. "Have you seen the results of the tests?"
"Um, no."
"Success," Essex announced. He would have stood grandly and pontificated on his genius if the floor stopped undulating. As it was, he wanted to simply sit very, very still.
Scott blinked. "You guys found a cure for the Legacy Virus?"
"Yes," Hank muttered. "Yay, us."
"Did you want to break the news to Moira?" Scott prodded.
"Doctor MacTaggart?" Essex winced. "Heavens, no. That woman's voice will implode my cranium in my current state."

***

And so, the announcement of a cure waited until Doctors McCoy and Essex were fully recovered. Moira yelled at them anyway.

Remy managed to convince Ororo not to tour with the Boingers. She stayed in her loft stuck pins into a stuffed cat. It rained a lot.

Betsy opened a new school of ninjitsu based on the movements of flightless seabirds. Students learned to defend themselves against walruses.

Scott stopped returning phone calls from the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. He and Jean took the Blackbird to Tahiti.

Xavier never did stop flying his starchair.

***

The End.