Little word of explanation first – This fic was written while I was hurting something awful, to help me through the pain. So the h/c aspect and angst come from the pain.

AUTHORS: Salustra and Cathelin

E-MAILS: Salustra: goddess_salustra@juno.com ; Cathelin: cathelinn@yahoo.co.uk.

TITLE: The Course of True Love

RATING: FRAO, Adults only,

PAIRING: Angel/Spike

SUMMARY: Spike comes to see Angel after getting his soul.

Distribution: Various lists, Wierd Romance Yahoo Group- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WierdRomance ;

My livejournal - http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=salustra ; and the website Weird Romances- http://www.salustra.vague-disclaimer.org . Anyplace else is fine, just let us know where it's going.

SPOILERS: Through the beginning of Season 6 BtVS/Season 3 Ats.

WARNINGS: References to physical and sexual assault and abuse, bloodplay, angst, hurt/comfort.

DISCLAIMER: We adore playing with the pretties, but we're just having fun. No money made, don't sue us!

FEEDBACK: Yes please.

Length: 7,519 Words.

"...for aught that ever I could read, Could ever hear by tale or history, The course of true love never did run smooth..." - A MidSummer Night's Dream, William Shakespeare

He watches warily from the shadows. He's been hanging around, hasn't seen him. He is beginning to think his Sire is gone from the city, if not for the disturbing nightmares he'd got every time he slept. Ones that couldn't possibly come from his own mind. Or, at least, he thought not. It is hard to keep grasp on reality. It keeps slipping further and further away. Some humans had caught him and beaten him badly tonight, before he was able to escape. The pain, at least, had made things clear for a little while. Chased away the visions that swam behind his eyes all the time now. The people he'd killed. The pain he'd caused.

Slowly making his way downstairs and into the lobby, Angel drops heavily onto the sofa. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he sighs deeply. He's still weak and hungry but no longer delirious as he had become while in that damned metal coffin.

The nightmares of Connor, Cordy and his friends, the terrible dreams of broken bones and blood in his mouth are gone. But there's still something there, something not right. The strange flashes of pain and fire and screams that had littered his nightmares had reappeared briefly earlier. But they had thankfully left him to get a few hours of decent sleep.

Spike can sense the presence, suddenly and sharply, on his senses. Unless, of course, it's just another trick of his admittedly faulty mind. He moves across the street, and slides along the wall til he hits the steps up into the hotel. He pauses, torn, but if his Sire *is* in there, he is the only one that might understand. He takes the last few weary steps inside, before crumpling from sheer exhaustion and hunger just inside the door. But he manages to see Angel as he slumps to the floor.

Angel frowns and sighs as his senses confuse him again. He can't wait until he gets back to normal, all that time under water has really screwed with things. Rubbing his face again he drops his hands and starts to get up before freezing as he spots the collapsed form of...Spike?... in the doorway. "What the...?" He takes a couple of hesitant steps forward. Is his mind still playing tricks or is Spike actually here?

Spike looks up at Angel with haunted eyes. He is sporting an obvious recent bruise on his cheek, and Angel can smell his blood, there are obviously wounds he can't see. Most obvious is the fact that Spike wasn't wearing his trademark duster.

"Spike?" Angel comes closer, almost sure that the lack of duster means that Spike is here after all. "What happened?" He looks momentarily fearful, "Has something happened...in Sunnydale?"

Spike swallows, closing his eyes, trying to put words to what happened. "Yeah. Something awful. I...I had to fix it. Fix me. So I wouldn't.... But it burns. Why didn't you tell me it burned?"

Worried as to what could have happened in Sunnydale this time, what could have sent Spike *here*, Angel kneels down and reaches out to help Spike sit up. "You've been burnt?"

"All inside. It burns, and I can't put it out. I've cried and cried and it won't go out. All those faces, those voices..." Spike starts rocking, pulling at his hair. It's in loose curls, no stiff gel, and the brown roots show under the blonde.

Grabbing hold of Spike's hands, Angel pulls them away from his head. Taking both wrists in one hand, he cups Spike's chin with the other. He has no idea what Spike is talking about, but it must be bad for him to be making so little sense. "What burns? Have you swallowed something? Poison?"

"No." Spike pulls against Angel's hands. "The spark. He put the spark in me. I thought it would fix everything, but it's all worse."

"The spark?" Weakened as Angel is, he keeps hold of Spike easily, pulling him forward and trying to make him meet his eyes. "Who put it in you? Did someone hurt you?"

Spike presses in and pushes against Angel's chest. "The spark. Like you, like they gave you." He can't make the words come out the way he wants them to.

Surprised at Spike almost huddling against his chest, almost as if he wants Angel to hold him, it takes a moment for his words to sink in. "Like me?" He asks quietly, sudden dread filling him.

"Yes," Spike sobs, almost frantic with relief that Angel finally seems to understand.

Cupping either side of Spike's head, Angel pulls him away from his chest far enough so he can look him in the face. "Open your eyes wide." He whispers. He needs to look, to see, desperately hoping that he won't find what he's dreading in the depths of Spike's blue eyes. Spike looks up at Angel, eyes open wide, obeying his Sire almost instinctively. "A soul..." Angel breathes in dismay. "Oh god no..."

Spike shivers now, cringing down, afraid Angel is angry with him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"No!" Angel says too loudly, catching Spike's shoulders and pulling him back up straight. Spike drops his eyes, still shivering in Angel's grasp, unsure of what is happening now. Lowering his voice, Angel tries to speak softer, less threatening, "Spike...William. When did this happen?" It can't have been too long ago, Spike was still obviously in an almost-shock state.

"Not sure. Everything...it's so bright. It hurts. And I see the faces, all the time. Not long ago, I think."

Nodding, Angel pulls him closer, slipping his arms around his back and under his knees. Standing carefully, he carries Spike over to the couch. He's a little dismayed at how light Spike is, especially when Angel himself isn't up to normal strength. Spike clutches to Angel. He's the only thing, other than the pain, that has seemed real in a long time. His arms tighten around Angel's neck and he doesn't seem to want to let go.

Unable to detach Spike from his neck, Angel settles himself down on the couch and Spike in his lap. "Who did it Spike? Who cursed you?" He doubts it was Willow who did the curse, and he needs to find out who did, and what may have happened to the others.

"No curse. Fought for it. Wanted to be whole. I...did...something awful. Something really terrible. I'm sorry, Sire, please..." Tears start rolling down his cheeks. "I didn't mean to..."

"No curse?" Angel is stuck for a moment on that. "Fought for it? How?" He wonders.

"In the cave. Pain, and blood, and fire. Days of it. Then he gave it to me, the spark."

Angel nods, still boggled that Spike would do such a thing - fight for his soul! Spike buries his face in Angel's chest, taking in the scent of him. Trying to grab onto something that seemed real and present. Trying to push back the insanity that kept creeping up on him. Automatically, Angel holds him tight. "Spike?" He asks hesitantly. "Why?"

"Why what?" Spike manages to reply. It is a little easier to be coherent when Angel holds him.

"Why your soul? What were you trying to 'fix'?"

Spike looks up at Angel, fear clearly showing in his eyes. He doesn't want to tell him, sure Angel will make him leave. "The girl...she didn't love me, and I tried to make her love me again. And it was all wrong. All wrong. I was wrong. Had to fix it."

Angel frowns at the fear in Spike's eyes. Was he afraid of him, his reaction? "What did you do Spike?" He asks warily.

"Tried to make her love me. She did it all the time, just grabbed me, kissed me, made me.... So I thought...but it was wrong."

Still confused, but with a slightly sick feeling, Angel asks, "Made you?"

Spike whines. He doesn't want to say the words. "Service her."

"Service...her..." Angel echoes faintly.

Spike closes his eyes and nods, shame-faced. "So when she said she didn't love me anymore, when she pushed me away, I thought..."

"...Because she was rough with you, that was the way she liked it." Angel finishes. He feels ill, though he doesn't know why, it's not like sex within vampire families weren't often rough. But in their family, there had always been that underlying affection, even if it was *very* underlying at times.

Spike looks back up, slightly hopeful. He had been right, his Sire is probably the only one who could understand. "So I went to get fixed. To be the man she deserves. But I was wrong. I can't be him. And I din't love her, not really. The spark reminded me. Told me where I needed to be." Angel intends to return to that, to find out where his childe believes he needs to be. But first...

Stroking his fingers soothingly over Spike's cheek, Angel asks the question he feels is the most important about this girl that used, and maybe abused, him. "Spike, who is 'she'?"

Spike blinks at him. Is it possible no one told his Sire? He had been sure if Buffy herself hadn't, Giles or someone would. "The Slayer."

Freezing, Angel stares at him disbelief. "Buffy?" Spike nods. The hand resting against Spike's cheek slowly clenches into a fist and Angel's eyes go hard and dangerously dark. "Buffy." He repeats with a growl.

Spike cringes again, dropping his eyes. "I'm sorry, Sire, I'm so sorry, please...."

"It was Buffy you were with?" Angel clarifies, his growing anger palpable in the air around them.

"Yes, Sire, I'm sorry, please, forgive me, I'm sorry...." Spike's body is shaking, his whole posture utterly submissive.

Snapped out of his rage by the feel of Spike trembling on his lap, Angel wraps his arms back around him. "Hush baby hush."

Spike burrows against Angel, still shivering. Afraid he's angered his Sire, afraid to lose the one anchor he has right now on reality. He keeps muttering, over and over. "I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry, I din't mean to..."

Rocking his childe, Angel tries to make him listen. "No Spike, hush. I'm not angry with you. Not you."

"Not me?" The words finally seem to penetrate. "But..."

"Not you." Angel confirms.

Spike almost sags in relief. "I thought you'd be mad."

'Oh I'm mad.' Angel thinks to himself. 'Just not at you.' Pressing a kiss to Spike's head, Angel lifts his chin. "What are you?" He asks, in a seeming non sequitur. Spike looks confused for a moment, unsure of the question, unsure of the answer.

"Your childe?" He answers finally, tentatively, hoping in his muddled state of mind he's given the right answer.

Angel can't help but smile at the innocent answer. "Yes baby, you are." He strokes his face gently. "But what else are you?" Spike doesn't know what else to say.

"A vampire." It's the only other thing that occurs to him right now.

"What type of vampire?"

Spike tries to come up with an answer to this, but he can't. His grip on himself slips a bit. "I...I don't know, I'm sorry, I don't know what you want."

"Hush. Never mind." Angel rocks him soothingly. "You're a Seducer, remember?"

Spike nods. "Oh, yeah. Sorry, Sire."

"That's ok." Angel smiles. He goes to stroke Spike's hair but frowns when he realizes it's stiff with dirt and blood. "Looks like it's your turn for the long hot bath." He murmurs before returning to the point he's trying to make. "Remind me baby. What are a Seducer's powers?"

Spike tries hard to concentrate. Thinking about things like this brought up other, less pleasant memories of blood and death and he has to push them aside to get the words he needed. "Intensify emotions, inspire lust. Among other things."

"In other words, they 'seduce' hmm?"

"Yeah." Spike nods, looking up at Angel, unsure of where all this is going.

"So Seducers take existing emotions and lust and intensify it." Angel prompts. "They never have to...?"

Spike whimpers. "But I did...I did, I tried to force her."

"Look at me William." Angel says sternly. Spike looks up, temporarily shocked by Angel's use of his human name. His Sire hadn't used it in so long....

"I'm going to take you upstairs and put you in a hot bath." Angel begins, standing with Spike in his arms and starting towards the stairs. "Then we're going to feed as much as we can..."

Spike cling on to him. Angel would keep him safe. He wasn't going to throw him back out on the street. He holds that thought to him like a safety blanket. "Thank you, Sire."

Angel smiles at the quiet interruption. "You're welcome childe."

Carrying Spike into his bedroom and through to the bathroom, he sets him down on the counter. Spike looks around the bathroom. It has an old clawfoot tub and there is the feel of age here, like there is in the whole place. It is comforting. He can see why Angel lives here.

Starting the water, Angel comes back to stand in front of Spike. Cupping his face again, he catches his eyes. Spike looks at Angel. His eyes are open, even more than usual, hiding nothing of the hell going on behind them.

"I want to know everything that happened in Sunnydale." Angel says quietly.

Spike drops his eyes. Thinking about that is almost worse than the faces of the victims from the past. But he can't refuse Angel, not now. "What's the last you knew?" He whispers. He has no idea how much Angel has kept up on his activities.

Pressing his finger to Spike's lips, Angel shakes his head slightly. "Let's get you cleaned and fed first. Then you can tell me."

Spike nods, grateful for the respite. He closes his eyes and rocks a little. "How...how do you handle the faces? All the blood, all the cries for mercy? They won't go away, no matter how much I say I'm sorry."

"I know." Angel whispers, his eyes going distant. "It's like that at first. But it settles down eventually and you can ignore them much of the time. It helps to have something to do."

"It will get better? You promise?" Spike opens his eyes again.

"I promise it will get better..." Angel tries to smile reassuringly. "...Eventually." Spike leans in to hug Angel, to press against him again. It's all he needs to hear.

Returning the embrace, Angel holds him tightly, stroking his hands soothingly up and down his spine. Spike purrs, partly to comfort himself, and partly as a response to the caresses. It's been...what, three or four years since anyone touched him with gentleness?

"Let's get these clothes off hmm?" Angel says, tugging lightly on the bottom of Spike's T-shirt. Spike moves back slightly so Angel can pull off the shirt. The skin underneath is marked, with cuts and burns and bruises, some older, some fairly fresh. He hisses a little in pain as he raises his arms for the shirt to be pulled off, and the T-shirt pulls away some dried blood, reopening some of the fresher cuts.

Hissing himself at the state of Spike's chest, Angel carefully pulls the shirt off before tossing it over his shoulder. "These are new." He says, nodding at the cuts and bruises. "What happened?" Lifting one of Spike's legs he works on the laces of his boot until he can pull it off.

"Humans." Spike says simply. Angel nods unhappily as he removes his other boot. He'd heard about the chip when he went to Sunnydale for Buffy's funeral. He'd suggested he bring Spike back to LA with him, but Willow had assured him Spike was safe with them and that they needed him, Dawn especially.

"Had to earn money for blood. And some of them...wanted more than sex." Spike swallows hard, closing his eyes against the shame.

"God!" Angel feels sick at the thought of Spike selling himself, of *having* to sell himself. "Oh baby." He takes Spike back into his arms, clutching him to his chest. Spike buries himself in Angel's embrace. Another hurdle down. He'd been afraid Angel would be angry with him for that too. But he couldn't bring himself to scare humans like he had in Sunnydale for cash. Couldn't pretend to be the Big Bad anymore. And he wasn't coherent enough for real work. "I tried...I tried not to, but I was so hungry."

"Hush baby. It's...it's ok." Angel bites back tears at the pain in Spike's voice.

"I kept coming, but you weren't here. And I din't know the new humans. The Watcher wasn't here, or the cheerleader. I was afraid to come up, afraid they'd stake me."

Angel's eyes widen at the thought of what Connor would have done to Spike. "No, you did right to wait." Pulling away, he gives Spike a small smile.

Spike is comforted by the smile. "But you're back now. You're here." He touches him, like he's afraid if he lets go Angel will disappear.

"Yes baby. I'm here now." Taking Spike's hands, Angel gives them a firm squeeze. "I'm not planning on going anywhere."

Spike squeezes back. "Good." He manages a small smile in return.

"Jeans off." Unbuttoning the fly, Angel lifts Spike up enough so he push the jeans over his slim hips, letting them drop to the floor. Spike has more bruises and cuts under the jeans. He's obviously been very ill-used, and fairly recently.

Dark eyes tracing over Spike's battered form, Angel tries to give him a smile, but it comes out more like a worried grimace. "Let's get you into the bath hey?"

Spike nods. "Bath sounds good." He gets up off the counter with a little indrawn breath, never letting go of Angel as he does so.

Helping the younger vampire to step into the tub, Angel slowly guides him down into the water before reaching over and switching off the taps. Spike settles into the hot water with a small hiss as the water hits his open wounds. But overall it feels good, and he makes himself hold still as the water softens the scabbing on his cuts.

Reaching for the sponge, Angel starts to squeeze water over Spike's shoulder's and upper chest. Despite himself, Spike smiles. "Been a lot of years since you bathed me."

"It has." Angel smiles back. "You always used to love being bathed."

"Still do." Spike's smile widens.

Chuckling, Angel strokes the sponge gently over Spike's cheek. "You used to purr and hum and sing, do you remember?"

"I remember." Spike's look turns wistful.

"What was it you used to sing?" Angel asks thoughtfully as he washes his face.

"Mostly nonsense. Old tunes my mother taught me."

"Can you remember any?" Angel looks a little embarrassed as he moves onto Spike's neck. He thinks it's a little silly that he misses listening to Spike sing so much. Spike casts back in his memory, trying to recall any of the tunes he used to sing. He starts singing softly one he remembers fondly, 'I'll never leave thee'-

"Why should thy cheek be pale,

Shaded with sorrow's veil?

Why should'st thou grieve me?

I will never, never leave thee.

'Mid my deepest sadness,

'Mid my gayest gladness,

I am thine, believe me;

I will never, never leave thee.

Life's storms may rudely blow,

Laying hope and pleasure low:

I'd ne'er deceive thee;

I could never, never leave thee.

Ne'er till my cheek grow pale,

And my heart pulses fail,

And my last breath grieve thee.

Can I ever, ever leave thee!"

Angel's eyes fill as Spike sings, a soft smile on his face. He continues to smooth the sponge over Spike's skin, washing away the blood and grime, wishing he could wash away the bruises and cuts and pain. Spike's eyes are brimming and moist by the time he finishes as well. "I missed you so much. I never sang them again, you know, after you left."

"Oh Will," Angel whispers brokenly. "My William."

Spike looks up at him. "You haven't called me that in a hundred years. Am I still yours?"

"I don't know. Are you?" Angel asks quietly. Spike nods, the tears in his eyes not able to stay there, spilling down onto his cheeks. "Really?" Angel whispers.

"Never stopped. I just thought you din't want me."

"And I thought you didn't want me." Angel smiles humorlessly.

Spike sniffles and rubs his face into Angel's hand like an affectionate kitten. "Told you the spark reminded me where I belonged. It musta been right."

"Must have." Angel nods, stroking his thumb over Spike's cheekbone.

"So I can stay? You won't make me go?"

"No." Angel shakes his head. "I won't make you go."

Spike's grip tightens on Angel's arm. "Never going again." He chuckles softly, and just a momentary glimpse of a more sane and normal Spike peers through. "You're stuck with me now."

"Well, it should make things more interesting having you around." Angel laughs quietly.

"Yeah." Spike grins a little. "Interesting is a good word for it. Sounds better than trouble."

Snorting, Angel shakes his head again. "Interesting times. But you've definitely always been trouble of some sort. Getting into scrapes with other demons and such. Pissing off Darla."

"I was a hellion of a childe, I know."

"That you were." Angel chuckles. "Can you kneel up?" Spike nods and moved up onto his knees. "Good boy." Angel says automatically as he starts to wash Spike's torso.

Spike chuckles softly again. "Been a long time since you called me that, too."

Blinking, Angel realizes what he said and blushes a little. "Er...yeah." Spike purrs and leans into Angel's touch. This is the most peace he's had since the cave. At least for the moment, the screams in his head have quieted, the awful faces gone away.

Gently pulling Spike forward, Angel reaches around him to wash his back. Spike moves as Angel wants, just scenting over his skin as he leans against the side of the tub. "You still smell like cinnamon and musk and heather," he whispers.

"Oh?" Angel asks weakly as he tries to ignore Spike's own scent and the feel of his wet *injured* body so close.

"Yeah. Thought maybe it would change, after all this time. But it's just like I remember." Spike leans closer, scenting again, letting the more pleasant memories push into his mind. Despite his injured state and his battered and confused brain, he is becoming aroused.

Pressing a quick kiss to Spike's shoulder, Angel murmurs, "Sit back down so I can get your legs." Spike nods and sits down, as Angel instructed. The water is becoming quite murky from all the dirt and blood from Spike's body. "I'll have to run some clean water when I've finished washing you, so you can soak a bit." He lifts each of Spike's legs from the water in turn to wash them.

Spike nods. "Yes, Sire." He purrs louder as he lets himself enjoy the sensations. He can ignore the numerous little hurts with Angel's hands on him. With Angel looking at him like that, so close.

Flushing, Angel avoids washing too close to Spike's groin. It might be best to let him wash that area himself.

Putting the sponge aside, he reaches for the shampoo. "Now for your hair." Angel grins, knowing just how Spike will react to having his hair washed. Spike tilts his head back, all ready for the shampooing. He loves this best of all, Angel's strong fingers stroking his scalp. It's like petting a cat. Angel takes his time, shampooing and rinsing Spike's hair twice to make sure it's clean. He has to smile at how soft Spike's hair feels despite all those years of bleaching.

Spike purrs and moans and wriggles as Angel shampoos him. It's almost sinfully sensual, the feel of those hands in his hair. He's thoroughly hard now, though the murky water hides it from Angel's view at the moment.

Biting back a groan each time Spike moans and wiggles, Angel tries to ignore his growing arousal. Dammit, Spike is *injured* and *vulnerable*, he shouldn't be getting aroused! And he probably wouldn't want Angel even if he wasn't. Spike leans back against the side of the tub nearest Angel. "Mmm. I like that. I *really* missed that. You remember how I always was about your hands."

"Yeah." Angel sighs. "You always liked that I had huge shovel hands."

"Not *shovel* hands." Spike tsks. "But big, yeah, big and strong and yet so nimble. I remember when you used to draw me. I'd watch your hands the whole time."

"Yeah, I remember. I haven't had chance to do much drawing lately." Angel says a little sadly.

"That's a shame."

"Mmm." Rinsing the last of the shampoo from Spike's hair, Angel moves around and reaches in to pull out the plug. As the water runs out of the tub, Spike's state of arousal is plainly obvious. Angel blinks at him surprised. "Oh."

Spike looks down, then back up, worried once again he's done something wrong. "I'm sorry..."

"No! No don't be sorry." Angel smiles weakly. "I was just surprised."

"Why?"

"Well, erm...you're injured."

Spike has to chuckle ruefully at that. "Never stopped me before."

"Well, no I suppose not." Angel chuckles too.

"It's just so nice, and so much like old times...I guess I started remembering what usually happened *after* you bathed me." Spike sighs.

"Oh! Oh yeah." Angel flushes as his cock hardens as the reminder conjures up memories.

Spike can't mistake that sudden surge of arousal from Angel. "You remember too, huh?"

"Um...yeah." Angel swallows.

Suddenly unsure, Spike tilts his head, looking into Angel's eyes. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I have no idea." Angel smiles weakly.

"Oh." Spike looks confused, and a little worried. The last thing he wants to do is make things more difficult on his Sire. He looks back down, focusing on the water as it swirls down the drain, brownish-red with his blood.

"Hey now." Angel says, lifting his chin with one finger. "It's the whole curse thing, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Doesn't stop me being aroused. Just means I can't actually do anything." Angel says dryly as he reaches out to start the taps running again.

"You did on the sub," Spike reminds him.

"Oh yeah well." Angel flushes. "I knew that I'd have to send you away then though."

"Oh." Spike sighs, considering. "That's going to make things rather more 'interesting' than I figured."

"Er...yeah." Angel nods and sighs.

Spike looks down. "I'll try to be good, then."

"Not too good though, hmm?" Angel says with a smirk.

Spike chuckles. "You know I'm not capable of that."

"I know." Angel grins, cuffing his head lightly.

Spike grins and stretches out in the tub, enjoying the hot water as it flows in over his body.

Adding some bubbles to the water, Angel swishes it around with his hand. "Though with everything that's going on, both with you and with me, a bit of UST might be welcome."

Spike chuckles again. "Why is that?"

"Well," Angel shrugs, "We always seemed to enjoy the tension in the past whenever Darla was in a snit and wouldn't let us touch each other."

"Yeah. But then we knew sooner or later we'd get to. And you were sleeping with Darla and I was with Dru."

"True." Angel sighs. "But then there's no reason for you not to take a lover." He says reasonably, far more reasonably than he wants to be. A fact that doesn't escape Spike's notice.

Spike smiles at Angel. "That would hardly be fair when *you* can't."

"Well, I could always..." Angel flushes as he starts to make a suggestion.

"Always...what?" Spike's genuinely curious now.

"...Watch..." Angel whispers, almost too quietly to be heard.

Spike blinks, a little surprised. "You could." His voice reflects his obvious surprise. Taking advantage of turning off the water, Angel avoids Spike's eyes, embarrassed. Spike clears his throat. "Well, no rush at any rate." He looks at Angel. "You think I can still be in the bed with you to sleep?" He knows that Angel knows perfectly well how much Spike hates being alone. And with the nightmares.... it was even worse.

"Of course." Angel smiles and nods. It's been too long since he's had someone share his bed, especially someone as tactile as Spike.

"Good." The relief in Spike's voice is profound. "Though I warn you, been having bad nightmares lately. They don't even seem like mine. I don't know most of the people in them."

"Well, it took my nightmares a while to settle down when I first had my soul too." Angel smiles grimly

"This was so odd, though. It was a bunch of people sitting around a table. The Watcher was there, and the cheerleader, and your new humans, and we were all passing around food."

"Wh...what?" Angel looks at him in shocked disbelief.

"Yeah. But somehow there was no food left when the plate got to me. And the young boy, he called me dad. And I dropped a wineglass. Then it was like I was tied up inside a box, and there was no sound."

"Holy shit!"

Spike blinks. "Wot?"

"That was one of my nightmares when I was stuck in that damned coffin." Angel stares at him.

Spike sits stock still for a moment. "I saw your nightmare?" Then he furrows his brow. "What coffin?"

"That fucking metal thing that Connor and that bitch Justine locked me into." Angel snarls.

Spike lifts a hand to cup Angel's cheek. "Here I am all wrapped up in my problems. What happened to you? I should have asked before." It's a relief, almost, to have something to think about outside his own head.

"Oh nothing much." Angel shrugs with a dry chuckle. "I was welded into a metal coffin and dumped at the bottom of the bay for a couple of months that's all."

"Oh, is that all?" Spike asks, sarcasm clear in his voice. "Who are Connor and Justine, the people who did this, and when do we go hunt them?"

Angel gives him a bitter smile. "Connor's my loving son."

"Son?" Spike furrows his brow. "You made a childe?"

"No, he's human. Sort of." Angel shrugs and rubs his eyes.

"How?"

"Prophecy." Angel grunts.

Spike sighs. "You'll have to tell me all about it. When you're ready. So that's why you were gone."

"Yeah." Angel sighs too.

"Apparently we're still linked though. Even after all this time." Spike smiles a little shyly. His hand moves to his neck, fingers stroking the pale, almost invisible mark of his making.

"Yes." Angel breathes, watching Spike's slim fingers against his throat.

"I wish...I wish I could have been there, to help. When you were cursed. I wish I had known."

"Just as I wish I had been with you when you received yours." Angel reaches out to take his hand. "Or rather, I wish I'd insisted that you come to LA after all."

"I wish you had too. " Spike grips Angel's hand, squeezing tight. "It's been...bad. Really bad."

Swallowing, Angel closes his eyes and nods. He can't imagine how things could have been bad enough that Buffy would use *anyone* like that, or at all, but it that must have been.

"I thought about coming here, over and over. But I din't think you'd want me here, not after what I did to you."

"Huh?" Angel frowns.

"Torturing you, over that bloody stupid ring."

"Oh that." Angel rolls his eyes. "Considering everything that's happened in Sunnydale and here in LA, that's nothing." Dropping his gaze, Angel bites his lip. "I thought maybe you wouldn't have wanted to come here after what happened with Penn."

"What happened with Penn?"

"He was...killed." Angel chokes out. "I tried to...but he wouldn't. And Kate wouldn't." Covering his eyes, Angel shivers. "God, he was right behind me."

Spike raises onto his knees and wraps his arms around Angel. He doesn't know the details but the grief is palpable in the air. "Oh, god, Sire..."

Wrapping his arms around Spike's waist, Angel presses his face against Spike's chest. It's been a couple of years now since Penn's death and he hadn't once been able to talk to anyone about it.

"I din't know. I hadn't heard from him in years. I'm so sorry." Spike strokes his hair

"I should have been able to make him leave. Make him obey me. He always used to be so obedient."

Spike nods. "Yeah, well, you don't seem to have much luck with your childer lately. You know, Dru came to see me. Offered to kill for me if I'd come back with her."

"She did?" Pulling away, Angel looks up at him in surprise.

"Yeah. I couldn't do it. Couldn't go back to being like that." He smiles a little sadly.

"Oh." Angel is flabbergasted at that, the idea that Spike didn't want to go back to that life even without a soul.

"I should have come to you then. When I knew I wanted to be good."

Smiling weakly, Angel nods. "So many 'should have's'..."

"Yeah. Maybe we should outlaw those words, eh?"

"Maybe." Angel sighs.

Spike nods. "Water's getting cool. Can you help me out?"

"Yeah." Angel nods and stands, helping Spike to his feet. Spike pulls up and steps out of the tub. He's all clean now, and his hair hangs in damp loose curls about his face. But Angel can see his hipbones, and his ribs. Spike is thinner than he's ever seen him. Angel pulls in a harsh breath as his eyes flicker over his form. Spike reaches for a towel to start drying himself, not noticing Angel's reaction.

"I'll help you through to the bed." Angel tells him, wrapping the towel around him. "Then I'll go downstairs and get some of the blood bags out of the fridge."

Spike smiles and nods. "Awright. Blood sounds good about now."

"Ok then." Slipping an arm around Spike's waist, Angel guides and supports him through to the bedroom.

Spike settles into the bed, smelling Angel's scent on the sheets and pillows. It's soothing. That and sleeping in a real bed. It's pretty close to heaven at the moment.

Tucking the covers around the younger vampire, Angel smiles at him. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here."

Nodding, Angel leaves the room and heads swiftly, or as swiftly as he currently can, down to get some blood.

Fred's sitting in the kitchen, eating some tacos. She looks up when Angel walks in. "Oh, Angel...Are you okay? I thought I heard voices earlier, did Connor come back?"

"No, not Connor." Angel sighs as he gets down two mugs and sets them on a tray. "Spike's here."

"Spike?" Fred's voice goes up in surprise and a little alarm. She doesn't know Spike personally but Wes told her stories about him. "Are you ok? Did he try to hurt you?"

"Oh no! No." Angel shakes his head. He frowns and looks at her. "Didn't anyone tell you about him being in Sunnydale, helping Willow and the others?"

"No. Wes just told me about his past, and Cordelia told me he came a few years ago and had you tortured."

"Oh that was nothing." Angel shakes his head again. "Especially not in Aurelian terms." Moving over to the fridge, Angel starts pulling out blood bags.

"So he's a good vampire, like you?"

"Yes." Angel nods. "Can you explain to Gunn? That Spike has a soul now too?" Angel asks her. "I'd dread to think what Gunn would do if he came across Spike if he didn't know. Especially with Spike so vulnerable at the moment - and he still has the chip."

Fred blinks. "Soul? And...a chip? What kinda chip?"

"A computer chip. I don't know much about it." Angel shrugs. "And yeah, a soul."

"Wow," Fred breathes. "Sure, I'll tell Charles. I'm supposed to meet him for patrol in a little while. Do you need me to bring back more blood?"

"If you could, if you don't mind?" Angel gives her a thankful smile. Fred was so kind.

"I don't mind," Fred chirps. She trusts Angel implicitly, if he says Spike is ok, then he must be. "Is he just visiting?"

"No. I think he's intending to stay." Angel replies, hoping.

"Oh, good. I worry about you here alone, especially with everything that's happened." Fred frowns a little. "I'm always worried when I go that Connor may come try something."

"I know." Angel sighs. He's going to have to take care of things on that front very soon.

"Ok, I'm off. You'll be ok?" Fred says as she finishes off the last of her tacos.

"Yeah. We'll be fine." Angel nods and smiles at her, closing the fridge and picking up the tray of blood bags.

"Good. See you later then. Bye!" She calls out cheerily as she heads out of the kitchen.

"Bye!" Angel calls as he follows after her to head back to Spike.

Spike is laying on the bed still when Angel comes back in, eyes closed, relaxing. He stirs and opens his eyes as Angel opens the door. Angel smiles at him as he comes into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. "Here we go. Plenty of blood. Human for once too."

"How'd you get human?" Spike asks as he sits up.

"Fred got it. She thought it would be better for me while I was recovering." Angel smiles fondly.

"Fred?"

"One of my 'new humans'. Petite, long dark hair, Texan."

"Ah. I saw her. With that big black man. She smells innocent, almost."

"She is. A lovely woman." Angel smiles and nods. "You'll like her."

"I'm sure I will. You think they'll take me being here awright? I don't want to cause you trouble."

"Shouldn't be any trouble from either Fred or Gunn." Angel shakes his head, carrying the tray on over to the kitchenette.

Spike sits up in the bed. "Gunn, that's the black man?"

"Yeah. Charles Gunn. Fred's boyfriend." Angel sets to warming up two mugs of blood.

"Ah. He seemed very protective of her. Wot happened to the others?"

"Wesley..." Angel starts, pausing as he thinks of what to say exactly. "Wesley and I had...a bit of a falling out..."

Spike furrows his brow, feeling a touch of the emotions behind the words. He can tell there's a long story there, and one Angel's uncomfortable with. "And Cordy?"

Angel stares down at the counter. "Missing."

"That sounds bad." Spike frowns.

"It does." Angel nods bleakly. "She went missing the same night I did."

Spike sighs. "I'm sorry. You've got so many problems...I'm sorry to show up and cause more."

"No. That's ok." Angel shakes his head as he grabs their mugs. "It'll be nice to have someone else here. Someone else to talk to."

"Talking, that's something I'm good at." Spike grins.

"Yeah." Angel chuckles. He hands Spike a mug and sits down beside him on the bed. Spike starts sipping the blood, with an appreciative groan at the taste of human blood. Angel follows suit, but without the groan. Though he appreciates the extra boost of the human blood, his currently wonky senses mean he can't quite taste it as much as usual. Spike drinks it slowly, savoring the taste. He wriggles over a bit as he drinks, so that he is leaning against Angel.

Smiling, Angel wraps an arm around him. Spike purrs softly at that. He slides his free arm around Angel's waist.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, Angel?"

"Exactly *how* did you manage to get your soul?" Angel asks hesitantly, wanting to know, but not wanting to upset the other vampire again.

Spike sighs. "There's this demon shaman in Africa. He's rumored to be able to do anything, if you pass his tests. I went there. Had to fight a bunch of nasties, take torture, lots of other things. But when I finished...he gave me the soul."

"Africa?" Angel asks, looking down at him in shock. "You made it back from Africa like this?"

Spike nods. "Yeah. Shaman's people put me on the freighter. It was a long trip. No blood."

"Shit. No wonder you're so thin."

"That's been going on for a while." Spike drops his eyes.

"It has?" Angel asks, afraid to know.

"Yeah. Been on short rations for a while now."

Closing his eyes, Angel takes a deep breath to control himself. "Well, we'll just have to feed you up a bit."

"That'd be nice." Spike nods.

"Well then. When you've finished that mug, you can have some more."

"Can't tell you how good that sounds." Spike sighs happily. "I don't think Giles told the others how much blood a vamp really needs. They gave me pretty much just enough not to dust."

Frowning, Angel looks at the younger vampire. "How much exactly?"

"A pint a day of animal blood."

"Jesus!" Angel looks horrified at that. "That's all?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I'd go terrorize some humans for cash to buy extra, but usually that was it. And they never seemed to understand I'd need more when I was healing."

"Jesus." Angel repeats in disbelief.

"I could have asked for more, I guess...but it was hard enough groveling for what I got." Spike shrugs.

"Wasn't there any of them you could have spoken to? Willow? Dawn?"

"Not really. Well, Dawn, maybe, but it's not like Buffy ever listened to her."

"But surely the others would have?"

"No. Everybody was wrapped up in his or her own problems. And the official word on high was that I was a monster. A *useful* monster, but a monster nonetheless. They liked me fine to patrol or to watch after Dawn. But they wouldn't even let me leave flowers for Joyce."

"Dammit." Angel snarls quietly.

"Yeah. I miss Joyce. She was a nice lady, real class act."

"Yeah." Angel sighs. "You finished?" He nods at Spike's mug. "Ready for a refill?"

"Yes, please." Spike hands him the empty mug. Angel nods and gets up, taking his mug. Putting his own mug in the sink, he warms another for Spike. Spike takes the mug from Angel when he comes back to the bed, drinking a long pull from it. He's already starting to look better, the blood helping his natural healing to kick in.

Sitting back down, facing Spike this time, Angel takes his free hand. "When you feel up to it you can meet Fred and Gunn. Tomorrow or the day after."

"Awright." Spike squeezes Angel's hand. "Since I'm staying, I may as well get to know them. Sooner the better."

Nodding, Angel smiles. "Like I said. You'll like Fred. And I'm sure she'll like you too."

Spike smiles back. "I notice you din't mention Gunn there. He's not going to be crazy about me, is he?"

"Well, I don't know." Angel shrugs. "He took a while to get to trust me. But as long as you don't go after Fred or 'diss' his truck, it shouldn't be too bad."

"Noted." Spike finishes the blood, setting the mug aside so he can move in close to Angel.

"More blood?"

"Not right now." Spike purrs and shifts so he's sitting in Angel's lap.

Raising his eyebrow, Angel looks at him, his lips twitching. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting on your lap."

"Why?"

"You want me to move?"

"Well, I didn't say that..."

Spike chuckles softly. "I want to be close."

"Ah right." Angel nods, trying not to smile.

"So this is awright then?"

"It might be."

Spike grins. "I assume you'll tell me if it's not?"

"Mmhmm."

"Good." Spike purrs louder, snuggling in and resting his head on Angel's chest.

Angel chuckles, "Going to let me get comfortable?"

Spike looks up with a mischievous little grin. "Maybe."

Laughing, Angel shakes his head, lifting his hand to squeeze Spike's cheek. "Brat."

"Always." Spike moves to let Angel get comfortable before moving in against him again., curling against his broad chest.

Wrapping his arms around Spike's back and waist, Angel sighs deeply as he rubs his cheek over Spike's hair. He can hardly believe that after so many years his boy is here in his arms. After all the hardship of the last few months, the problems with first Darla and now Connor, it is like a reprieve almost that things seem so good in his relationship with his William. Though, of course, he knows that there is so much for them to talk about and to deal with, it won't be plain sailing - it never has been, with them.

Spike starts to purr quietly. He knows, somehow, that things really are going to be all right, for both of them. That somehow they'll work through it all. That he's really, finally, come back to where he belonged.

Kerri/Salustra. Slash ho, especially for Spike
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