Title: Past Glory Author: Sandy Rating: NC-17 Pairing: Spike/Buffy Spoilers: S5 up to Tough Love, AU after that although elements of S6 will appear throughout the story. Disclaimer: Alas, not mine, I just borrow them occasionally Feedback: Gives me the warm fuzzies A/N: For the purposes of this story, the Knights of Byzamtium, although suspecting that the Slayer is protecting the Key are not aware that Dawn is the Key. Chapter 18 Buffy stood outside the apartment door for several minutes before taking a deep breath, lifting her hand and knocking. After what seemed like hours but was in truth only seconds, the door opened. "Buffy!" "Hi, Anya. Is Xander home?" Anya stepped back. "Come in." Buffy entered the apartment to see her friend slouched down on the couch idly flipping through channels on the TV. Walking over to the couch, she perched on the coffee table. "Hey, Xander." "I'm going out for a walk," Anya announced, coat in hand. "I'll see you later." Buffy smiled in gratitude as Anya left the apartment. Turning her attention back to Xander she saw that he was still staring straight ahead at the TV, mindlessly punching the button on the remote. Reaching forward, Buffy removed the device from his hand and turned the TV off. "Xander, we need to talk." "Nothing to talk about, Buff. You said so last night. Your life, your decision." "I know, Xander. But I don't want you to be upset about it." Xander turned fake innocent eyes to her. "Why would I be upset, Buffy? You have the right sleep with any evil undead thing that comes to town. It's certainly none of my business." "Xander..." "No, Buffy, really. Doesn't matter that your boyfriend tried to kill you, kill me, kill Willow, led that raid on parent-teacher night that killed how many? And then there was Sheila and your friend Ford and god knows how many others just in this town. But you go right ahead and date him. Your life, your decision." "I know what he's done, Xander," Buffy said quietly. "I don't need you to remind me." "No? Seems to me you need someone to remind you. Tell me, Buffy, just what the hell is it with you and vampires? Didn't your last vampire boyfriend teach you anything? Why can't you find a nice normal guy to date? I even brought a nice guy to meet you last night and you never even gave him a second look." "And I noticed that you didn't dare tell your nice normal friend what I do with my evenings," Buffy said just a little heatedly. "Do you remember when I tried to date normal guys, Xander? Owen thought it'd be great fun to come out with us and get himself killed. Scott didn't know anything about my secret identity and he broke up with me because I had to keep giving him excuses for missed dates. And how about Parker, huh? Now there was a swell guy!" "And what about Riley?" Xander countered. "What was wrong with him that you had to chase him away?" Buffy stared at Xander as if he'd lost his mind. "He left, Xander. I didn't chase him away. He left because he couldn't stand not being superpowers guy, couldn't stand being weaker than his girlfriend, couldn't stand not being the one in charge and couldn't stand not being the entire center of my universe. Well you know what, Xander?" Buffy stood up and began pacing, infuriated. "He *wasn't* the center of my universe at that moment. I had a hellgod chasing after my brand new, monk-given little sister *and* my mom was sick *and* I still had to fight vampires and demons every night *and* try to keep up with my schoolwork *and* run the household so mom could relax and not worry about it. So no, Xander, he wasn't the center of my universe at that moment and he couldn't stand it so he went off and got suck jobs from vampire hos and when he got caught, he left!" "Buffy, I..." "You know what else, Xander? You know who I could count on through that, even when I threatened to stake him? Spike, that's who. He's the one I could trust to protect my mom and sister when Glory was getting too close. He was the one who withstood torture to keep Dawn safe and HE was the one who came up with the plan that saved her in the end. So don't you sit there and look down your nose at him. Because I trust him with my life. And more importantly, I trust him with Dawn's!" "And will you trust him when that chip stops working?" "Yes." Xander just looked at her for a minute, not sure if she was naïve or insane. "Then one of us will die." "You're wrong, Xander. He's proven to me he's trustworthy. And he's promised me he'll control himself." "Yeah? What about Warren? How much did he have himself in control then?" "I thought you were all on his side there? Didn't you tell me that was extenuating circumstances?" "Yeah, but..." "But what? It's okay for him to bite Warren as long as you don't know I'm sleeping with him?" Xander made a face at that statement. Buffy sighed and sat down again. "I thought you and Spike were getting along, friends even." "Never friends, Buffy. I just tolerated him because you kept bringing him into the group. But I didn't know it was because you and he were..." "We weren't, Xander. Not for most of it anyway. Our relationship is still pretty new. So if you could accept him as part of the group before you knew he and I were together, what's the problem now?" "What happens when you two break up?" "Who says we're going to break up?" "You pointed it out yourself, Buffy. When it comes to the dating game, history is not on your side. I think you'll probably break up, and it'll probably be ugly and I think that'll be the final straw for short, blond and chipped and he'll do something about it and we'll all die." "I know there's a risk there, Xander. I considered all that before I got involved with him." "But it didn't stop you." "No. It didn't stop me." "So you love this thing?" "Don't call him that!" "Answer the question, Buffy. Do you love him?" "I'll tell you what I told Willow. I don't know. I just know I care about him and I want him and I need him." Xander was quiet for several minutes. "Have you told Giles yet?" "No." "You know he won't be happy." "I know." "And that doesn't matter to you either?" "Yes it matters, Xander. It just doesn't change anything." "Then I guess there's nothing more to say. Your friends matter less to you that this thi... than Spike." "No, Xander, that's not what I'm saying." Getting up he walked over to the front door and opened it. "Have a good life, Buffy." "Xander, please." "I think you should go now." Buffy looked at her friend with tears in her eyes, rose and silently left the apartment. *** Spike awakened when a small, warm body nestled up to him. Opening his eyes, he saw Buffy's tear-stained face. "Buffy? What's happened, love? Why are you crying?" "Just hold me, Spike. Please?" "Is Dawn okay?" "She's fine, Spike. Please, just hold me." Spike wrapped his arms around her and held her until she fell into a fitful doze. He had no doubts the tears were caused by her friends. It was times like these he wished he didn't have the chip. *** "Hey, Harris, girl at four o'clock." Xander followed Artie's gaze and saw Dawn leaning against his car. Smiling, he walked up to the teenager and hugged her. "Hey, Dawnie, need a ride home?" "No, I want to talk to you." Xander frowned and walked to the back of his car stowing his toolbox and lunch pail in the trunk. "If it's about Spike, forget it," he said flatly. "It's about Buffy. Why are you being so mean to her?" Xander sighed and leaned on the fender next to Dawn. "I'm not trying to be mean to your sister, Dawn. I just can't accept her choice of boyfriends." "But why? Spike's been good lately. He's helped us. He helps Buffy every night." "Yeah, 'cause he's just so altruistic," Xander said sarcastically. "What difference does it make why he's doing it so long as he's helping?" Dawn asked, truly perplexed. "The difference is, Dawn, that when Buffy breaks up with him, and she will, blood will flow." "You don't know that, Xander." "Yeah, I kinda do. You were too young to really understand what happened with Angelus, but it was ugly and it caused someone we all cared about to die." "Spike isn't Angelus." "So Buffy says, too. But I don't see much difference. Both are evil, soulless vampires held temporarily in check." "And the fact that even without a soul Spike loves Buffy doesn't cut any ice with you?" "And when he stops loving Buffy?" "Hello! Spike here. This is the guy that was with that nutcase Drusilla for over a century. I don't think he stops loving someone so easy." Xander shook his head. "Okay, say he never stops loving Buffy and she doesn't break up with him and they live the rest of their lives in a happy Disney forever-after. There's still what he did in the past. That hasn't changed." "Yeah, okay. What he did in the past is still there. Same as what Anya did in the past," she added quietly. Xander stiffened. "That's entirely different, Dawn. Anya's not a Vengeance Demon anymore." "Her past is still there, Xander. So how's it different?" "She's human. She has a soul." "Yeah, well seems to me having a soul doesn't mean someone is good. Take a look at that creep Warren. Heck, Xander, pick up a newspaper once in a while. People do some pretty horrible things and they all have souls." "It's not the same." "Why? Because you say so?" Dawn said in frustrated ire. "You know what you're problem is, Xander? You're prejudiced. Spike's a vampire and it doesn't matter to you how much he's changed, you refuse to see him as anything but evil." Taking a deep breath, she continued her tirade. "I think you have a lot of nerve treating Buffy like this when she's accepted both Anya and Tara." Tears had sprung into her eyes. "You're just being a big fat jerk, Xander, and I don't think I like you very much any more." Saying that, she pushed away from the car and ran off. "Dawn! Dawn, wait!" She ignored him, running across the street and away from him as fast as she could. "You just don't understand, Dawnie," he said softly. tbc...