Kitty Pryde, Pete Wisdom, X-Force, the X-Men and all characters therein are trademarks of Marvel Comics. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me.

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at
Mshakespeare@callnetuk.com

Notes

This story is set in my 'Excalibur Redrawn' timeline, just after Amanda Sefton is rescued from the clutches of N'astirh (and his Masters) with the aid of Doctor Strange.

* * indicates telepathy

< > indicates thoughts

Closure

"Christ, Dom, why the 'ell did I let yer talk me into doin' this?" He lit a cigarette, and glared balefully at the mansion as they approached it. The rest of X-Force were cheerfully discussing meeting old friends, or getting in a few training sessions with their old mentor Cable, or just taking the opportunity to relax and unwind. Wisdom, however, was not looking forward to the visit. In fact, he'd tried to get out of the visit altogether, but Domino had twisted his arm, metaphorically speaking - and made it plain that it could just as easily have been physical arm-twisting. He glared at the albino woman sitting next to him.

"Because, as you're so bloody fond of saying, 'the job needs doing'." She grinned at his grimace, then sobered. "Look, you bloody fool, you and she have been walking round trying your best to avoid each other for long enough. It's about time you settled your differences and got on with your lives, one way or another."

Pete snorted at that. "What makes yer think I 'aven't already?" He lit his cigarette, and stared moodily out of the window of the helicopter taking X-Force to the Xavier mansion. "Wot the bloody 'ell makes yer think I even think about that lying little cow anymore?"

The look that the former mercenary gave him was cool, and oh so polite, making her meaning even more clear. "The fact that you talk like that about her, perhaps? The fact that, when you're drunk, you prop up the bar, alternately cursing her for being a deceitful bitch and moping about what a bastard you were for walking, that you did it only to hurt her? The fact that you've got a picture of the two of you together stuck on your bedside cabinet? You don't have to be a bloody psychiatrist to work out the implications of all of that."

Pete winced at the mini-lecture he'd just received. He knew that, when drunk, he could get pretty vicious and vindictive about Kitty, but that was also when the pain of the break-up hit hardest. It was after one such binge, during a mission, that he'd lost his eye, when he'd got careless of his safety - something he'd never have done during his early Black Air days, before he'd become disillusioned with the missions they sent him on, and had started getting reckless of his own safety..

< But do I really want ter see 'er again? She 'urt me, she did, an' then I 'urt 'er back, the best, harshest way I could. We've barely spoken a word since then, even if she did vouch fer me to this lot just before they came over ter Genosha. Christ, for all I know she's back shaggin' the Russkie - oh wait, she's back with bloody Excalibur these days, ain't she? Bloody typical, I'm over 'ere with the mad Yanks, an' she's over in bloody Britain!

<But yer ain't answered yer question, 'ave yer? Do yer want ter see 'er again? An' if yer do, what d'yer say to 'er? Fuck, me accent gets 'eavier when I've 'ad a few! Still, think I'll need it fer when we get there, it's goin' ter be a long journey......>

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"Is Pete going to be there, Kitty?"

The slim young brunette glanced over at the bubbly blonde fey sitting next to her - well, as next to her as she could get whilst sitting on Brian's knee. Then she sighed, and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, Meg. I doubt it, actually, Pete and I have been very successful at avoiding each other for some time now. I haven't tried ringing his flat since just before your wedding. I'd hoped he'd be there, so we could talk, but he didn't show - so I couldn't speak to him at all. I know he worked with X-Force some time back- that's when I heard he'd lost an eye - but since then, all I've heard is that he's done a few missions with them, nothing more. Even if he is with them now, he'll probably avoid me - Pete's not exactly the forgiving sort, he never has been."

<And if he is there, what then, girl? Let's assume you can get him alone to talk to him - which might be a tall order in itself - what do you say? What do you tell the man whom you hurt so badly, the man who trusted you but whose trust you betrayed? Can you really say what's in your heart, and expect him to listen? To forgive you??>

"Kitty, I'm an empath, not a telepath, but I know what you're thinking. Pete was hurt, yes, but he's not a vindictive man. But most important is not whether he will forgive you, but whether you've forgiven yourself. That's something for you to think about before we get there."

Kitty looked at them both, noting Brian's nod of agreement - he'd had to come to terms with the way he'd behaved when he'd been drinking - then glanced forwards again, and began preparations to land, as the mansion came into view.

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"... 'ear dat de homme gonna be 'ere, Katie. You talk to 'im, non, petite?" He grinned as she blocked his strike, and rapidly counterattacked. If it wasn't for his speed, she might even have got past his defense, but his hyper-agility enabled him to get his own staff in the way.

"I will if he'll let me," she gasped, barely parrying his swing at her head, "but if he doesn't want to, I can't force him." She rolled backwards to avoid the strike to her legs, coming up in a fighting stance, staff held defensively.

Leaning back against the wall, Logan grunted his approval. He'd fought Gambit before, and knew just how fast he really was. For Kitty to beat him would take a miracle. But so far, she'd been able to prevent him from getting any effective strikes against her, and even pushed him back a few times with her counterattacks. She was breathing hard, her long hair plastered against her head, her sweatshirt damp and clinging. Not surprisingly, as she'd already got in some sword-fighting practise with Betsy, then some unarmed combat sparring with Logan himself, as well as practising with fighting chains and other weapons, before this training with Remy - all without a break in between. To the older man, it was obvious that the girl who'd been his student was throwing herself into physical exertion as a way of getting her mind off something - and it was pretty easy to guess what that might be.

A second later, he knew his guess was correct. Though the scent wasn't familiar, the smell of whiskey, cheap aftershave and leather raincoat was one which could only belong to one person - and Lockheed's growl merely confirmed the fact. The stocky Canadian glanced over at the thin man who had just entered the Danger Room. "Wisdom."

Pete grunted his agreement. "Logan, right? I recognise you from the Intel description." He lit a fresh cigarette, and looked at the two sparring partners in front of him. "That her new feller?" < Bloody 'ell, a friggin' looker. Wouldn't bloody surprise me if 'e were with Kitty! Christ, what do I do if 'e is? >

Logan snorted with amusement. "Kit and Remy? No chance, bub. They're on different teams, for starters, and anyway, the Cajun's got his own problems with Rogue." The older man shook his head. "There must be somethin' about the X-teams, they're angst-overload zones - everyone's always fallin' in love, then breakin' up hard." His craggy face softened as he looked back at his former student. " I told her, she's gotta go through a few more failed love affairs, then she won't take it so hard."

Pete opened his mouth to speak, but at that moment Remy blocked Kitty's strike, swept his staff round in a loop and struck her staff from her hands, bringing a gasp of pain as the wood stung her fingers. She shook her hand, then grinned wryly at the debonair former thief. "Guess this bout's yours, then. Want a rematch, chess perhaps?"

The tall Cajun laughed. "Non, petite. Not my game, I t'ink. I'll stick to what I know, oui?" He bent, and kissed her hand gallantly. "Au revoir, chere." He walked to the door, smiling a little when he saw the thin man in the dark coat. He knew as well as Logan just who this was, and wondered if this might be a new beginning for little Shadowcat.

Kitty wiped her face with a towel and turned towards Logan, freezing when she saw the man next to him. Her eyes widened when she saw the eyepatch he was wearing. Pete in turn stared right back, noticing the way that her shirt stuck to her body, trying to read her expression.

"Pryde."

"Wisdom."

"We need ter talk."

"Okay, here's as good a place as any. Logan, could you leave us, please? We don't need a referee, and I think this should be private."

The older man glanced from the girl in front of him to the man leaning against the wall at his side. "You sure, Pum'kin? I can stick around if you like......"

Kitty shook her head, her heavy hair, damp with sweat, merely shifting slightly as she did. "Nah, no need, Logan, but thanks anyway." She watched her former mentor turn and walk out of the room, before turning back to her former lover. "It's been a while, Pete."

He took the cigarette out of his mouth. "Yeah, it has, hasn't it? Once yer gave up callin' me after Meg an' Braddock got hitched, I figured that was pretty much it."

She stared at him. "You missed the wedding because I was going to be there! I didn't see much point in ringing you after that, I guessed I was just wasting my time. Wasn't I, Pete? Would you have wanted to talk to me if I'd called at any time since then?"

He glared at her. "Bit friggin' much, expecting' me ter want ter talk to yer after yer treated me like yer did! Christ, Kit, why the bloody 'ell did yer do that??"

The younger girl looked at him sadly, then turned and walked to one of the benches resting against the wall. "Okay, this isn't going to be easy - "

"Too bloody right it isn't!"

" - but I guess we may as well get things finally settled between us, right? So we may as well start at the beginning. Since you're the wronged party, I'll let you go first."

Pete was taken aback at her attitude - seemingly resigned, sad, expecting the worst. <Does she think I'm goin' ter just walk away again? Or does she think it's all over, after all.....> He straightened his shoulders. "I want ter hear yer tell me, Kit. I want ter hear everything. Why, Kit? Why did yer turn to this friggin' Rigby Fallon wanker? What the bloody 'ell happened between yer both??" It was the question which had been nagging at him since the day they'd split - before then, in fact, since the day he'd first heard about the two of them.

She looked at the floor for a moment, then lifted her head to meet his eyes. "We'd hit a bad patch in our relationship at the time, remember? Things weren't going smoothly between us. When I met Rigby .... well, he reminded me of Doug. He was my age, or close to it, he had the same interests as me. And, he was good-looking, and he paid attention to me. I just couldn't help it, I liked him, and was attracted to him. We kissed. But that's as far as it went, I didn't want it to go any further, even if he might have done."

Pete just glowered at her. <She fuckin' kissed the bastard. Christ, were things that bad between us? 'Ow the hell did it get that bad without me noticing??> "Go on," he grated, "you 'ave t' tell me every bloody detail, right?" He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. To be honest, he still wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to renew his relationship with her. But it was beginning to look as if she had already made her own mind up......

She nodded. "I was going to, you deserve that from me. He wanted more, he wanted to get serious, but I didn't, even before I knew that Ogun was using him. Then I came back to Muir, and I've never seen him since, nor spoken to him - I don't want to." She closed her eyes, marshalling her thoughts, before opening them to look at her former lover. "Then when I got back, and you got back from Germany ...... I know I should have told you, but I couldn't, I just couldn't ... "

"Why the 'ell not?? If you 'ad done, I might've forgiven yer! Sure, I'd've been pretty pissed at you, at first, but we could've talked things through! Instead, you tried ter keep it secret, an' the one thing I can't stand is someone keepin' secrets from me! I got enough o' that with bloody Black Air!"

Kitty looked into his eyes. <This is going to hurt him, but he has the right to know.> "When my parents got divorced, part of the reason was that, when they hit a bad patch, Dad had an affair with someone, and, during an argument, he threw it in Mom's face. She filed for divorce the next day. I thought .... I thought that if I told you, you'd do what she did, you'd end things straight away, and I didn't want that."

"So you kept it quiet! For God's sake, Kitty, d'you think I couldn't forgive you a moment's weakness??" He was glaring at her, angry at her lack of trust. Then his mouth dropped open as she nodded her agreement. He couldn't find anything to say.

"Pete, you put me on a pedestal. You used to say that I'd saved you, that I was your redemption, your saving angel. How could I let you know that your 'angel' had feet of clay?? How could I shatter your hopes, your self-esteem, the peace of mind you'd finally acquired, by showing myself flawed, weak? So, yes, I felt it better to stay silent and hope things improved. They didn't, of course. I felt guilty for not telling you, and that made me uncomfortable around you, which made things worse ....." She had her arms wrapped around her legs now, looking like a little girl all alone in the world. "Everything going wrong between us was my fault. I screwed up, I hurt you, you had every right not to want to speak to me again."

Pete sat down, his legs suddenly unable to support his weight. <It's true. I did put 'er on a pedestal, she was my saving grace. Did I put too much on 'er shoulders, expect too much of her? Christ, you thought of her as redeemin' you from all the bad things you did for Black Air, all the killin', the stealin', the lyin'. You wanted forgiveness for what you'd done, and took her acceptance of your past as being absolved of your sins - and then you couldn't forgive her for not being perfect.> He looked at her, sadly, the anger gone. <Oh Kit, why'd it have to come to this?> The tone of her voice caught at his heart. <She's been feelin' guilty for it all. I know that feelin' well enough. Guilt's the worst feelin', it eats at you, corrodes your self-worth till there's nothin' left.> "You make it sound like it's really over now."

"It is, Pete. It's over."

"Why?! Why does it 'ave to be over?! Kit, we can - "

"Pete." She stopped him cold. The sadness she felt was visible in her eyes. <He deserves better than me.> "Pete, we can't go back to how it was, not after the way we hurt each other." <I'm so sorry, Pete.> "What we did was to hurt each other in the one way that the other can't forgive. I kept things from you, the one thing you can never forget. You walked out on me, the one thing I've had too often - my parents, Peter, the X-Men after Dallas, the Professor winding up the X-Men. If we got back together, you'd be constantly wondering whether I was keeping things from you, and I'd be wondering if today was the day I had to watch you leave me again. Neither of us can ever trust the other again in matters of the heart. And that isn't a relationship which could last, Pete, you know that."

His eyes closed. <She's right. We both did what hurt the other the most.> "I walked because I was afraid I'd say something which I couldn't take back, Kitty. I was afraid I'd say something unforgiveable."

"Instead you did the unforgiveable." He heard her walk over to him, felt her fingers gently touch his face. "I care for you, Pete. I always have, I always will. I want you to be happy. If you find someone who makes you happy, I'll be happy for you. But that person will have to be someone other than me, Pete. I'm not the one for you."

He opened his eyes, and looked into wide brown eyes wet with tears. He reached up, and took her hand in his. "And you, Kit? Will you be happy?"

She smiled, self-mockingly. "I've given up on relationships, Pete. I always screw them up."

"Aw, fer chrissakes, Kitty! You're too bloody young t'give up, you're not eighteen yet!"

She shook her head. "Maybe, but every time I get involved with someone, it either breaks up badly, or else he dies. I can't face being hurt like that again."

He stood up. "Kit - guilt's the hardest thing in the world t'deal with. I know. But all you did was screw up, not kill anyone. Mebbe you're right, we'd just break up again if we tried to get back together. But, Kitty, I forgive you. You had a moment's weakness, nothing more, and you did what you did because you thought it was for the best - just as I did." He stood, and kissed her. "Be happy, Kit. And I hope we can still be friends, at least."

"Of course we can." She smiled through her tears. "And I can forgive you for walking, Pete. I deserved no more."

He turned and walked away, out of the door, nodding to Logan, who stood leaning against the far wall. The stocky man entered the Danger room, and walked over to Kitty, who had sat down on the vacated bench. He put his arm around her, holding her close, but saying nothing. Everything that needed saying had already been said.

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FIN