Body

DISCLAIMER:

Kitty Pryde, Sabretooth, Excalibur and the X-Men and all characters therein are trademarks of Marvel Comics. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me.

Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at
mshakespeare@callnetuk.com

Notes

This story is set after Wolverine #127..

Please note : The subject matter is sexual violence, rape, and rape trauma. If that sort of thing is offensive to you, or is illegal where you live, or you are under eighteen years of age, PLEASE DO NOT READ ON! You have been warned!

< > indicates thoughts

Shattered - part 2

"Right, I'd say ye're recovered as far as the cuts an' scratches are concerned. So ye can get dressed now." Moira turned away to put the results of the latest examination into Kitty's medical file, with the rest of the paperwork, and removed a piece of paper from the file. It was marked with the name of the hospital in Madripoor which had saved her life after the attack on her. Moira sighed as she waited for Kitty to finish dressing. In the last few days, the girl had been getting better - slowly, true, but the doctor had expected nothing else considering the severe nature of the assault. But she had news to give Kitty - and it wasn't going to be easy. But it needed to be said. "Kitty, dinna go yet. I have something to tell ye."

"Oh? What?" The younger woman's response was cautious, and contained a hint of anxiety. What could be wrong now? Wasn't her examination over? What else could Moira tell her?

"Kitty, I have here the medical reports from the hospital in Madripoor which looked after ye after the attack. And there's something I need ye to know. I think ye'de better sit down, lass."

Kitty sat. The fear which Moira's earlier comment had sparked in her now flared into certainty - something was wrong. "What? What is it?"

Moira took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, avoiding her patient's gaze. "I'm sorry, lass. I couldn't tell ye this before, not when ye weren't healin', when ye were so downhearted. But ye have a right tae know.

"When Logan took ye to the hospital, ye were bleedin' internally, bleedin' tae death. The doctors there had tae operate tae save yuir life, otherwise ye would ha' haemorrhaged till ye died. So they operated. They removed that part o' you which was bleeding. They removed yuir womb. Kitty, lass, ye can ne'er have children."

There was a long silence, as the slender brunette absorbed the news, her face turning pale. "Never? No matter what?" The question was whispered rather than spoken.

"Never. I'm sorry, Kitty. But ye had tae know." She tried to think of something to say, and inspiration came to her. "Lass, it doesnae mean ye canna have children in yuir life at all. There's adoption, like I had wi' Rahne, an' Lord knows she's as dear tae me as if she were my own flesh and blood. Or there's always a test-tube baby, if ye're that set on one o' yuir own. Dinna think that ye're doomed ne'er tae have children o' yuir own."

The young woman got up from the stool. "Thank you, Moira. For everything you've done for me." Numbly, she walked out of the Medlab, watched by a worried Moira.

***************************************************

She walked through the door of the room she shared with Rahne. Fortunately the Scots girl was out on the mainland, shopping with Meggan. Kitty couldn't stomach the idea of having to face her roommate, or anyone else right now. She just wanted to be alone. She dropped onto the bed, face down. Lockheed cooed a query from the top of the wardrobe.

"Yeah, dragon, I'm fine."

It was a lie, they both knew it. <So why should it matter to you? You weren't planning to have any children anyway, not after what happened with ..... him. You don't want any man touching you at all, and certainly not like that. So why does it hurt so much?> She stifled a sob. She knew full well why it hurt. She'd always liked children, and had dreamed of the day when she'd have babies of her own. She'd spent every spare minute, when the X-Men had got back from Asgard, on the phone to Madelyne, asking after the baby. When they'd finally got back home, the first thing she'd done had been to see the new baby, even before she'd changed out of her costume.

But it wasn't just that. Even after what had been done to her by Sabretooth, she'd secretly harboured a dream that things could be made they way they had been before, that she could, one day, get on with life as if the horrific events in Madripoor had been nothing more than one of the usual X-Men capers, with no lasting ill-effects.

Moira's news shattered that dream forever.

***************************************************

Pete lit another cigarette. He'd disabled the smoke alarm which was standard in every room, in order to be able to indulge his habit without having to go outside, which he hated having to do for fear of suffering permanent damage to his lungs from the clean air.......... And he didn't want to be further than he really needed to be from Kitty <But you already have been, haven't yer? She goes up against a fuckin' shit like Sabretooth, and where were you?? Drownin' yer sorrows down the pub! You stupid wanker! If you'd been there, she'd 'ave been fine. But yer weren't, an' she isn't!>

His fist clenched. Through the wall, he could hear the sound of muffled sobs from the next room. She'd been to see Moira for her regular exam, he knew that - perhaps something had come up, which was why she was crying. But then she did that now and then, for no immediate reason. He heard her crying at night, softly, so as not to waken Rahne. But he could hear her - he was no better at sleeping than she was, so he couldn't but hear her misery in the stillness of the night. Not that he was surprised. In his line of work, he'd come across rape victims before. And they never forgot. Ever. One reason he'd had no truck with the 'repressed memory' movement in the States was that he knew that victims didn't just 'forget' until someone brought the memories back, they remembered for the rest of their lives, even if they made a conscious effort not to dwell on it.

He ached to go to her, comfort her, hold her as she cried. But even without the fact of their earlier break-up, he knew he couldn't do it. She wouldn't let any man touch her - hell, at first she'd been reluctant to even let Moira examine her. If he so much as touched her, she'd lash out at him with her fists.

Instead, he turned and stared out of the window, at the gathering storm clouds.

They were every bit as bleak as his mood.

**************************************************

"Verdammt schwein!" One sword cut through the target's guts, spilling them, as the other drove through one eye socket and out the back of the head. Kurt drew the blades from their targets, and stepped back, readying himself to attack the next dummy.

He heard applause from behind him. "Well done, lover-boy! That dummy's never going to hurt someone again!" Amanda stepped into the practise room, a big smile on her face. She looked at him quizzically. "What, no welcome for me? Here I am, fresh from Limbo, and you haven't welcomed me yet!"

Kurt bamfed over to stand in front of her, and bowed low. "My apologies, Liebchen. You caught me by surprise." He took her hand, and kissed it. He then proceeded to start kissing the length of her arm.

"Oh stop it, Kurt! I already know you're a ladies' man, you don't have to prove it to me. So, how are you, and how are everyone else?" The strawberry-blonde sorceress/air-hostess was looking forward to catching up with her friends, after spending so long in Limbo. She was really in need of a change of scenery ......

The blue-furred German hesitated. "I'm fine, Amanda. So are ..... most ........ of the others."

Her eyebrows went up at his hesitant statement. "Most? That doesn't sound good. What's wrong with who?"

He sighed. "Katzchen."

She waited for him to elaborate, then finally asked, "Why? What's wrong with her?"

Kurt looked at the floor for a few seconds. He really didn't want to have to say, but Amanda deserved to know - Kitty was her friend, as well as her team-mate. <And, who knows, she might be able to help.....> "When she went to Madripoor with Logan, she was attacked by Sabretooth. He raped her. Brutally."

The sorceress went pale. "Oh my God! How is she? That's a stupid question - where is she now?"

"In her room. She ....... does not like much company nowadays." It pained Kurt that she wouldn't let him near her. He understood it, but it hurt nonetheless that she had such a mistrust of men nowadays that even he, who had known her longer than almost anyone, could be a source of fear and anxiety for her.

There was a flash of light, and Amanda was gone.

**************************************************

"Kitty? Can I talk to you?"

"No! Go away, Amanda!"

The honey-blonde sorceress sighed, and used her magic to unlock the door. She stepped inside, and was immediately struck by the fact that the curtains were drawn, even though it was daylight outside. Kitty lay curled up on the bed, her face turned away from what light still managed to penetrate the room. She must have heard Amanda's entry, but made no attempt to turn and face her.

"Is there some meaning of 'go away' that I'm not familiar with, that it actually means 'come in right away'?" Her voice was toneless, emotionless.

"No, but right now, someone needs to get through to you, whether you like it or not. And right now, that means me. Kurt's told me what happened in Madripoor. Kitty, what happened to you was a terrible thing, but you can't let it destroy you. If you let this rule your life, then Sabretooth's won. This wasn't about you, what you deserved or anything stupid like that, it was about Creed wanting to show how strong and powerful he was, to Logan and the rest of the X-Men. You were just the tool he chose, because of your close relationship with Logan. Rape isn't judgement on the victim, any more than it's a sex crime - it's a crime of violence, it's about power, and control."

"You'd know all about that, huh?"

Amanda sighed again. "Not as a recipient, but yes, I do know. Margali was a Gypsy, remember, who lived during the Nazi occupation. What do you think she saw the Germans doing to her people? Why do you think she's so hung up about being powerful? Because she remembers what she saw, and refuses to let it happen to her. Or what about Illyana? Do you think the demons in Limbo simply shouted rude words at her? Even if Belasco might not have let them carry out full rape of her, they certainly tormented her, probably abused her at least, and may well have raped her. But she survived."

Kitty rolled over to look at the older woman. "And did she recover straight away, with no mental scars, no problems of any sort? Well, did she?" It was a rhetorical question. "Then why does everyone expect me to simply ignore what happened, simply go on as if the attack never occurred? You're all acting as if I'm under some sort of obligation to be happy and funny all of the time. You seem to expect me to simply laugh it off. Well, maybe in a few years I might be able to, but right now I can't. I can't forget what happened, I can't help but feel revulsion at the thought of being touched by a man, I can't stop loathing myself for reacting to the assault like I did, I'm sorry if you're all disappointed by that, but I can't help the way I feel. And none of your talking is going to change that - I wish I knew what might. Now, will you please go? I don't want to continue this conversation any more." And she rolled over, away from her friend.

"Reacting ....? What do you mean, 'reacting to the assault like you did'? Kitty, what - "

"Go away, Amanda. Just leave me alone."

The door shut quietly behind the sorceress as she went to speak to Moira about what she'd heard.

*******************************************************

There was another knock on the door. Kitty ignored it - she really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. Amanda had tried to draw her out, but she hadn't had much success. The knock came again, not insistent, but whoever it was outside was obviously determined to speak to her. "Go away!"

"Kitty, I need tae talk to ye."

"Moira, we've already spoken, what else is there to say?"

"Kitty, lass, there's somethin' I think you need tae hear."

She really didn't want to hear anything else. Hadn't what Moira had said to her been enough? But, whatever it was that the doctor wanted to say to her, she was apparently determined to have Kitty hear, whether she wanted to or not. After an internal struggle with herself, she decided that she might as well get this over with as quickly as possible, whatever it was that the older woman wanted. The slender brunette rolled off her bed, and went over to open the door. "Okay, you may as well come in."

Moira walked in, and found the spare chair, moving the pile of old computer magazines off and placing them on the floor. "Lass, I know the news that I gave you was a shock, and that you probably dinna feel up to any more bad news, but that's no' what this is about."

"All right, what is it about then?"

"It's about me. About my history. And about why I can understand what you're going through." She paused, to collect her thoughts. She wanted to do this right, certain that it could help the young girl in front of her to overcome the ordeal she'd been through. But, if what she said came out wrong, then it would do no good at all - or even worse, it might make Kitty hurt even more. It was going to be tough for Moira herself. It was raking up the past, reopening old wounds, and it was going to be painful for her to do it. But, in order to help her patient to recover, she was prepared to put herself through what would be necessary.

"I know Amanda spoke tae you, an' mentioned what might ha' happened wi' Illyana. An' 'tis true, we dinna ken what happened tae her in Limbo. I do ken tha' Rahne was assaulted by Reverend Craig, who used tae beat her tae try tae drive the 'sin' out o' her. An', the guid Lord knows, I can understand whit ye feel because o' my own past. Kitty, I dinna ken if you know, but I've my own history 'o being raped. In my case, 'twas by my husband, Joe McTaggert."

"You?? I never knew - "

"Well, I didnae exactly advertise the fact. Och, he was a brute o' a man, especially when he was drunk - which was almost every day. He used tae beat me black an' blue, he used tae knock me silly an' leave me bleedin' on the floor. Aye, and he used tae rape me. And I hated him for it. Though I tried not tae be, I was a little glad when Kevin - ma puir wee boy - killed him. Och, 'tis no' a Christian thing tae think, but I did.

"And do ye know the worst thing? Some times, I used tae get aroused when he was raping me."

Kitty sat up ramrod straight on the bed. "You too??"

Moira had guessed that her revelation would have this effect on the young girl. Her own memories of being assaulted by her husband had shown her what Kitty might have gone through. "Kitty, when it happened ta me, I used tae think 'twas my own fault, that I was a sinful woman for gettin' any sort o' pleasure out of such a thing being done tae me. I hated myself, wondered if I deserved what happened. But that way o' thinkin's what makes the abuser stronger, it takes the blame fro' where it truly belongs and puts it on the victim instead." She could see the girl in front of her hanging on every word she uttered, and prayed that her young friend would actually listen and earn from what she was telling her, that knowing what had happened to Moira would help her overcome her feelings of self-loathing, just as Moira had finally been able to accept what had been done to her by her husband, even if she never forgave. "Kitty, you're no' responsible fuir what yuir body does. Yuir body, like that o' every other woman, is designed in such a way as tae respond in certain ways tae certain outside stimuli. You have no control over it, 'tis just the way the body is. You canna control it, any more than you can stop yuirself feelin' cold, or blinkin' in bright light, or any o' a dozen reactions to natural stimuli. Kitty, yuir body didnae betray you, an' you dinna deserve what happened because o' how yuir body responded against yuir will. You have tae learn tae forgive yuirself - trust me, I did. Blame that swine Creed fuir what he did to you, but dinna blame yuirself." She got up out of the chair, judging that Kitty needed to be left alone to ponder what she had just been told. "If you want tae talk tae me again, just say so, an' I'll be here for you any time you want me."

**************************************************

She silently got out of bed, careful not to disturb her roommate, and padded over to the door, phasing through it into the corridor beyond. It was completely dark, and silent, as she made her way to the bathroom, her bare feet slapping on the floor. She reached the bathroom and walked inside, closing the door behind her before switching on the light.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her face wasn't as pale, as drawn, as haggard as it had been a week before. True, the news that Moira had given her four days previously had hurt her again. But the words that the older woman had said to her, about her own history of rape and abuse, had struck home. For the first time, she'd begun to wonder whether what had happened to her, the attack, had not been her fault after all, that she hadn't been asking for it, that the response her body had made on a couple of occasions to the assaults had, in fact, been beyond her control, had not been an indication that she had subconsciously wanted what was done to her. The problem was, her mind might accept that she hadn't deserved it, but it was another matter to tell that to her heart. She knew, intellectually, that she was blameless, but emotionally she still wondered why it had been her, and not someone else, to whom it had happened. Was it, perhaps, God's punishment, for her sleeping with Pete? She couldn't tell. She ran the water, until it was cold, and scooped some up in her palms, to splash on her face.

* BANG! BANG! BANG! *

"Okay, Pryde! This 'as been going on long enough! Open that bloody door, now!"

She blinked. "Pete?"

"Now! Or do I 'ave ter break it down?"

She stepped over and opened the door. Pete glared at her. "All right, this stops now!"

"What stops?" She was confused - what on earth was he talking about?

"You an' this bloody washin' yerself till yer bleed! Don't bloody well try ter deny it! Last week, I came in 'ere after you'd been in, an' found the water left at the bottom o' the shower ter be red - an' we ain't got any shower gel that colour!" Pete had decided that beating about the bush would be of no use whatsoever - she had to be confronted with her actions, made to face up to them, before she could finally move on. 'Tough love' was the order of the day as far as he was concerned.

"I was just washing my face, I couldn't sleep, that's - "

"Do you think I'm stupid?! For fuck's sake, I've lain in bed enough hearing' yer cryin' in yer sleep, I've 'eard yer pleadin' fer 'im ter stop! An' it ain't just me, neither! Rahney can 'ear yer when yer like that, she's spoken ter me about it, thinks I can help! Well, I want ter help, Pryde, but yer've got ter let me 'elp!"

She stared down at the floor, afraid to look into his eyes, fearing that she'd see disgust - or worse, pity. < But he's still here, isn't he? Doesn't that mean something? After all, he could just have simply stayed away, you had broken up, remember? > "I-I just can't seem to feel clean anymore, Pete. No matter how hard I try, I can feel him on me, smell it. I feel - unclean, like I'm tainted, and it'll never go away ..........." Her voice trailed away - it was so hard to talk about it, even now, especially to a man - any man, even one she'd loved - did still love, if she was being honest with herself.

"Because yer body responded ter him?"

Her head shot up, and she stared at him in disbelief. "How did you know that?? Has Moira been speaking to you about me behind my back?! How could you know - "

"I know because o' the line o' work I've been in, that's how. Yer know I've been a spy, a killer. What, you think I 'aven't seen the worst things life can show, that I've never seen a woman after she's been raped an' beaten by professional torturers? Fuck, Kitty, I was over in Genosha when I was working fer Black Air, what do yer think the fuckin' Magistrates used ter do ter the best-lookin' mutants they captured? Before they were turned into Mutates, anyway. I've 'eard other women talkin' about it, an' I know what can 'appen. So, now yer feel that yer own body betrayed yer, that maybe yer deserved it 'cos yer body reacted the way it did. Well, bollocks ter that, Pryde! When that bastard was rapin' yer, did yer consent ter it? Did yer agree ter it??"

"No! Of course I didn't! I wanted to fight but I couldn't!"

"So, at the time yer didn't say 'yes', yer didn't give yer consent ter what that fucker was doin'?"

"NO!"

"So why d'yer think now that yer deserved it? Look, Kit, just because yer body responded the way it did to what 'e was doin', it don't mean it means that yer wanted it ter happen, or that it means you're some kind o' sick cow who likes that kind o' thing, 'cos you ain't! An' no-one who's got a single friggin' brain cell in their 'ead is goin' ter think you are! Okay? Now, I don't want ter hear any more o' you comin' in 'ere an' scrubbin' yerself till yer bleed, right?" And with that, Pete spun on his heel and strode back to his bedroom, leaving Kitty alone with her thoughts.

**************************************************

" ............... Hank is definitely making progress. With the new data you sent over two days ago, he thinks there's a chance that he and Cecilia can come up with, if not a cure, then a treatment to prevent Legacy-infected patients from deteriorating."

"Och, that's verra good news, Charles! Right now, with the way things are, any form of progress is welcome." Moira removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. The strain of the past few months had definitely worn her down. With all of the time she'd spent in the lab working on a cure for Legacy, the indefatigable doctor was nevertheless fatigued - exhausted would be a better description, perhaps. "I'm glad I've been o' some use wi' the research - I've been a wee bit distracted."

"Of course." Charles Xavier steepled his fingers, looking concerned. "And how is Kitty doing now?"

"Well, she's getting better, she has been ever since that Sassenach Wisdom came back. And her physical wounds are all healed, thanks tae the technology Lilandra left us. But mentally, she's still fragile, still verra delicate. 'Tis a good thing that Excalibur havenae had tae get involved in anything too dangerous."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No Charles, there isnae. She has tae heal at her own pace, that canna be forced. She has tae come t' terms wi' what was done tae her, no-one can force her to. And I certainly wouldn't want anyone tryin' tae alter her mind so that she doesnae remember, or anything like that."

"But if her problems are mental? I believe that I know how to mend minds, I've done it - "

"Like ye mended Creed's mind? Nae, I'm a doctor, an' I know what's involved wi' healin' - especially for trauma victims. At the moment she's gettin' better, slowly. So we leave her tae heal at her own pace. Just so long as there are people who love her, who can be there for her when she finally admits she needs them. "Moira looked sternly at the old man in the view screen. "Despite what ye might think, Charles, bein' a telepath doesnae make ye always the best person tae be dealin' wi' other people's trauma. That annoyin' Sassenach Wisdom's doin' fine by -"

"Wisdom? I thought he'd left? How can he be doing any good?" The Professor was amazed - the last he'd heard, Kitty and Wisdom were separated. He'd missed the earlier reference to the man, but now he wondered why on earth Moira would tolerate his return, when they'd seemed to argue all of the time, as far as he knew.

"As I said, 'tis the love o' others which helps a person through such traumatic events. Aye, they broke up. But they still ha' feelin's fuir each other. An' that's helpin' the lass tae pull through, better than any mental surgery might."

"But still, I could - "

Moira's face hardened. "Charles, ye will do nothin' at all! Kitty is my patient, an' she'll have nae treatment unless I consent tae it! Charles, if all ye want tae do is come over an' meddle wi' her mind, then I dinna think ye'd better come. An' that's final."

**************************************************

The plane came in low over the ocean, light scattering from its black surface as it did. The personnel on board were looking forward to spending some time visiting their friends, something they didn't do as often as they'd have liked. But, of course, they had another reason to visit .................

"We in range yet, Cyke?"

"Not yet, Logan. When we are, I'll tell you." The response was less confrontational than it might have been. Scott could understand Logan's attitude; he knew the older man was eager to see his former protégé, having heard that she was recovering. The other X-Men accompanying them - Ororo, Betsy, Jean and Jubilee - had their own reasons for wanting to see her .............

"Logan, Scott will tell us when we are there, there is no need for you to keep reminding him." Ororo's voice was soft, and the feral Canadian felt his anger slip away, to be replaced by sorrow, as his eyes met those of the X-Men's leader. The beautiful African weather-worker had considered Kitty to be the daughter she never had, and her violation cut to the quick. Betsy had similarly deep feelings for the young woman whose mind and soul she had kept intact after her maiming by the Marauders. Scott was there in place of the Professor, who had decided not to trespass on Moira's hospitality, but to send Scott in his place. Jean, of course, was there because Scott was - and because she felt she had an apology to give. Jubilee felt the same.....

"All right people, we're in range now. Jean?"

The spectacular redhead took the radio comms system. "Muir Isle, this is the X-Men, requesting permission to land."

"Hello Jean, this is Piotr. We have been expecting you - the professor told us you were coming. The runway is clear."

"Thank you, Piotr."

**************************************************

She was pale - well, they had all expected that. Her eyes had lost some of their sparkle - again, expected. As was the lack of makeup, the baggy, unfeminine clothes. But the hardest for them to bear was the fact that, no matter what anyone said or did, she never smiled.

Not once.

"Hello, kitten. It has been too long." Ororo stepped up, and made to embrace the young woman. There was a brief hesitation on Kitty's part, before she accepted the embrace, as she did Betsy's. Jean and Jubilee hung back, not being as familiar with her as the others, whilst Logan knew better than to attempt to touch her.

"Darlin'. How ya doin', if that ain't a stupid question?"

She just looked at him, no trace of a smile. "As well as I can be expected to be, Logan. I'm ... feeling better than I was a month ago. That's about all that can be expected."

"True, you went through an ordeal that would affect any of us." Jean's voice was sombre. "Kitty, I'm not just here to see you, or the rest of Excalibur for that matter, or even just because Scott is here. Actually, I have an apology to make."

"Apology? For what?" Kitty looked surprised.

"An apology for how I reacted when the Professor asked you to rescue Jubilee from Caliban. You were unhappy, as I recall, but I supported the Professor in his desire for you to go crawling round the Morlock tunnels with Sabretooth. As I recall, I was not particularly sympathetic to your argument with Charles. So, I would like to apologise."

"Jean, that isn't necessary." The younger woman looked uncomfortable.

"Yes it is, and it was, so now you have it. Now, I think Scott wishes to talk to Kurt, so, if you don't mind, we'll leave you with Ororo, Logan, Betsy and Jubilee." With that, the stunning redhead left with her husband and Excalibur's leader. There was an awkward pause after their departure, which Betsy filled by striding forward to clasp Kitty's hand in hers.

"I'm so glad you felt up to seeing us. I know that this must be a bit of a burden for you, but we all wanted to see you, to find out how you were doing."

Ororo followed her forward, and pulled the young woman into her embrace, ignoring Kitty's automatic stiffening. She waited until Kitty had relaxed, the tension slowly ebbing away, before releasing her and stepping back to look at her. "From what Moira has told us, you are doing well since Madripoor, Kitty. I am glad. Though it is too late now, I wish we had handed Creed over to the authorities for them to deal with as his crimes deserved. Better that than the pain he inflicted upon you. I want you to know, Kitty, that we are all here for you, whenever you want us. Just call, and we will drop whatever we are doing to help you."

"We should have killed the bastard when we had the chance, not tried to 'cure' him. You can only cure someone who wants to be cured. Creed is a disease, and you don't try reasoning with a disease." Betsy's voice was harsh when talking about the man who'd nearly killed her, then her voice softened. "Kitty, whatever happens, we're all here for you. We always will be."

Kitty turned away, to hide her tears. One thing she had dreaded above all, had been that her friends, her family, would feel the same way she had before, that what had happened to her had been in some way her fault. With them all showing that they loved her, that none of them blamed her, she felt some of her self-loathing slip away. The others awaited for her to regain her self-control.

**************************************************

"I can see why ya like ta sit out here, darlin'. Watchin' the sea doin' what it's been doin' since the world began, it's a pretty darn soothin' thing ta do." Kitty, Logan and Jubilee were sitting on the cliff overlooking the sea, watching the waves breaking against the rock wall beneath them. Ororo was inside, talking to Piotr and Pete (a surprise for Kitty, who had thought that her old friend might try pushing her back together with Rasputin, but she had seemed accepting of her previous boyfriend and first lover. Surprisingly, the fastidious weather-goddess and the scruffy, unkempt Englishman were getting along tolerably well.) Betsy was with Brian and Meggan, discussing their future wedding plans - these had been put on hold after the attack on Kitty, as they hadn't felt like going ahead when one of the girls they'd chosen as bridesmaid, along with Rahne, was still in such emotional pain. Jean and Scott were still with Kurt, though Moira had since joined them.

Kitty looked down at the waves. "Yeah, it's peaceful out here. Sometimes I like to just get away from people, and this is the best way on a small island like Muir." Meggan liked to come out here, she knew, though the elfin elemental then used to leap off the cliff, change shape into a dolphin or something similar, and then spend an hour or so swimming with the creatures of the sea..

"It is that, Kit." He took a pull on his cigar, and blew out a stream of blue smoke. "Guess this is a day for apologies, 'cause I owe ya one, too."

"Why?"

"'Cause I left ya with that maniac, 'stead o' comin' ta rescue ya. My fault Creed attacked you, my responsibility."

She turned to look at him. "No, Logan, it wasn't your fault. Creed chose to do what he did, you didn't make him, he could have decided not to. You made a mistake of judgement, that's all. We all have. Remember when we all failed to judge that Ray might go after Selene, to try to kill her? That led to you stabbing her with your claws, her fleeing to Mojoworld - and maybe to us not having the power to destroy the Marauders when we met them in the Morlock tunnels. We all screwed up then, Logan, every one of us. Or when I didn't tell the others about Jamie's powers? Alysande Stuart might still be alive if I hadn't made such a massive mistake as to keep that to myself for so long. You weren't to blame for what Creed chose to do - that was his choice. And I can forgive you for making a simple error of judgement." And she reached over and took his hand in hers, squeezed it, and let go. He smiled gratefully at her.

"Uh, but can ya forgive me?" Jubilee's voice broke in on them, hesitant and nervous. Kitty regarded her with bewilderment.

"Forgive you? What do you have to be forgiven for?"

"'Cause - oh, man, this is embarrassing! But I guess I gotta say it .... Look, when I met Wolvie the first time, as far as I knew I was the first, like, daughter he had, y'know? I was his special girl, an' he was my pop. Then I learnt about you. You were the first, not me. You'd been taught by him before he even knew me, see? And you were all the things I'd never be - smart, brilliant even, beautiful - well, the Russkie said so, anyway. And, above all, you'd known him longer than me, had experiences with him I never could. And I resented you, even hated you for it.

"Then this happens, ya know? And I feel terrible that I felt that way about you. I kinda feel that my wishing made it happen, see? And, like, I hope ya can forgive me for feeling that way." Towards the end, her voice had fallen away so much that, for Kitty, without enhanced senses, her words had become hard to hear. But hear them she had.

"Jubilee, it's natural for you to have felt jealous. Heck, I felt that way when the Prof. founded the New Mutants - it was like I wasn't special anymore, just one of the crowd, especially when he demoted me. And what happened wasn't caused by your wishing, but by Creed's. I blame him, not you, not Logan, not Ororo, or Betsy, or anyone else. Not even the Professor, for trying to 'cure' him when Creed didn't want to be cured - the Prof. was just being true to his nature, it's the way he is. It's Creed's fault what happened, and his alone - and one day there'll be a reckoning!"

*Kitty, Logan, Jubilee - please come to the main computer room, there's something you need to see.....* Jean's mental 'voice' was calm, but they all heard an undercurrent of tension.

*Sure, Jean. We're on our way.*

It didn't take them long to reach the computer room, but they were surprised to find everyone else present. Kitty didn't like the way all the faces turned to her when they came in - that usually indicated that something was wrong. "Okay, what's up?"

"You need to see this, Katzchen. Our Cerebro has picked up a signature nearby. One you need to see." He turned the screen for her to read, and everyone saw her face go white, and her eyes narrow to slits of pure rage and hatred.

"SABRETOOTH!"

**************************************************

"I am not sure that - "

"Well, I am, yer royal goddessship! Kit needs ter do this 'erself! She needs ter deal with that bastard on 'er own, ter look 'im in the eye an' see the fear when she beats 'im. Yes, an' if necessary kill 'im, why not?"

"The man's right, 'Ro. She's gotta deal with Creed her own way." Logan looked at the assembled faces. "'Course, that don't mean we can't soften that scum up first ......... "

"But X-Men don't kill, Logan. We're supposed to be above that." Jean's voice was soft. She had no time for Creed, especially after what had happened, but felt that it needed to be said.

"Jean's right. If we kill, how are we any better than the scum we fight?"

"It's pretty bloody obvious, Scott! We kill those who use lethal force first! We kill in self-defense, or to defend others, not kill anyone who happens to be in our way." Betsy was losing patience with the more squeamish amongst the others - she'd never been exactly the forgiving, easygoing sort.

"But 'tis wrong tae kill, Miss Braddock. 'Thou shalt not kill', the good book says." Rahne hated sounding like she was standing up for Sabretooth, but, like Ororo, Jean and Scott, she had always tried to stand by her moral code - no matter how much it hurt. "Killing is wrong."

"Then life is wrong, Rahne." People started upon hearing Meggan's quiet words, but she went on, "If killing is wrong, then the lion is wrong every time it hunts its prey. Death is part of life, an integral piece of the whole. I love life, Rahne, but I know that sometimes a life must be taken to preserve many more - though I hope never to have to take a life myself. But Brian has killed, Kurt has, Logan has, Kitty herself has, as has Piotr, and Pete, and Remy, and so many more of us. Are we all condemned because of that? I cannot think so."

"Blondie's right, Rahney. Like, Creed's a killer, ya know? He kills 'cause he enjoys it. We know he does. If we let him live, an' he, like, kills again - aren't we as much to blame as him, 'cause we could've stopped him, but didn't?"

"Jubes' right, people. Killin' ain't wrong - it's how and why that matters. An' Sabretooth ain't got any right ta be treated like a person - he's a disease, a cancer on th' human race. An' ya don't argue with a cancer - ya cut it out!"

Kitty walked in before anyone could respond to Logan's harsh words. She wore a black leather costume, with a katana in a sheath on her left hip. "Don't bother arguing with me, any of you. Creed's mine!"

"We were not going to argue, Katzchen, merely suggest that you let us soften him up first."

"Yup, let us take a piece out o' that scum's mangy hide!" There was a 'snikt' as Logan popped his claws. Pete rolled his eyes, then looked at Kitty.

"We're agreed, you get ter deal with him once an' for all, but we get ter knock 'im around a bit first, okay?"

She thought for a second, then nodded. "Fine, but I get to kill him. Come on Lockheed, it's payback time!"

*************************************************

Creed was feeling pleased with himself. He'd killed today, an old acquaintance he'd sworn to get. They'd been together on some missions once upon a time, but then become deadly enemies. Creed had said that no-one would kill him but Creed himself. Today he'd fulfilled that promise, as he one day would with Logan. The man had been out at his private estate in the Highlands of Scotland, a place well away from civilisation - just the sort of place Creed loved. The man had fought, of course, with the guns he kept at the estate, but it had been of no use. Creed had torn his throat out - and his girlfriend's too, just for the sake of completeness. Now it was time to go. <Maybe I'll hunt up Logan, give the runt a few more reasons ta come after me some time. Perhaps visit his little Jubilee ...... What's that scent?>

Sabretooth was a highly experienced fighter, and reacted to the sudden burst of sulphurous smoke over his head by ducking and swinging his claws at the centre of it. But the sword had already driven into the flesh behind his collarbone, a split second before the second blade slashed across his face.

"Verdammt schwein! Now you pay for what you did!" Kurt leapt at him again, his swords flashing. Sabretooth blocked both swings with his arms, trusting to his Adamantium skeleton to deflect them, then striking at the blue-furred mutant's throat.

A blade of energy as hot as the sun punched into his back, straight between the shoulder blades, knocking him flying - into the swinging fist of the gleaming steel figure who had appeared beside him. His skeleton might be unbreakable, but it didn't stop him from being stunned by the blow, which drove him through a wall into a disused warehouse. Though Creed didn't know it, Betsy and Jean were using their telepathy to prevent him from noticing the scents of his assailants.

"Nice hit, Russkie. That wanker felt that one."

"Da, and your blade burned him, I think, tovarisch. Now the others can have their turn without endangering bystanders." Those others, of course, would not include Rahne or Meggan - no-one even thought about asking them to participate.

Creed pulled himself to his feet, shaking his head to clear the ringing in his ears. The ringing started again almost immediately, as a massive blond man power-dived into him at supersonic speed, smashing him into the ground itself. Brian followed up with a punch hard enough to smash through the side of a battleship, which drove Creed's head a foot into the tarmac floor. "That's for Betsy, you swine!"

"And this is for Kitty, dog!" The ringing in his head prevented him from being able to dodge the lightning bolt which slammed into him, scorching and charring his flesh.

"And this!" A beam of scarlet energy blasted him clear across the deserted building - onto the extended claws which ripped into his guts.

"Guess what, ya shit? Today's the day ya die!" And Logan twisted the claws as he pulled them out, and dodged to one side, for the next attacker to have a clear line-of-sight.

The blast hit Creed full in the eyes. Jubilee wasn't holding back this time, this was a hit with all her power. The plasma bursts ripped flesh from bone, and threw him back across the room. Reeling, his fast-healing factor struggling to cope, Sabretooth saw his only means of escape - a lifted manhole cover. He threw himself down the open hole, into the drainage tunnel below.

*And now, we leave the rest to Kitty.* Betsy's voice came to all of them. They waited.

Logan looked at Scott and Ororo. "So how d'ya feel now?"

Ororo sighed. "I am still unsure that this is the correct course of action, but for Kitty's sake...."

Scott shrugged. "It needs doing, I guess. Kurt surprised the hell out of me, telling us that Kitty's already killed, and how. It might not be right, but I guess that this is the best of a bad set of choices - especially since you people would have gone ahead and done it anyway - right?"

"Right!"

*****************************************

"Bunch o' amateurs." Creed coughed - his healing factor was still working to repair the damage the X-Men had done. "Couldn't kill me, even with all the firepower they had."

"What took you so long? I've been waiting for you."

The voice was soft, in control. Creed knew who it was immediately - the scent only confirmed it. "Well, well, well. If it ain't little Miss Kitty-kat. Bit out o' your element, ain'cha girlie? Or do ya want some more o' my special services?"

He saw her now. She was dressed in black, kneeling on the floor Japanese-style. On her hip was a katana, the hilt of which she grasped in her left hand. "Prayin', girlie? Afraid ya sword won't help ya?" He flexed his claws, and sprang towards her. "Think yer sword will stop me? Think you can kill me, Kitty-kat?"

Logan was trained in the Japanese sword-fighting styles, he would have known what was coming, but Creed, a brawler, had no idea. He expected to be faster than her, not thinking that the length of her sword would add to the speed of her strike, that a sword amplifies the momentum of an attack. He had no idea what Kitty intended.

She came off the floor in a single, smooth motion. Her sword had been inverted compared to its normal position, allowing her to draw and strike upwards using an iaiutsu fast-draw attack technique.

The tip of the blade struck him in the abdomen, just above the groin, slicing upwards until it hit the metal-laced bone of the sternum, spilling his lower intestines. Before he could even react, she had reversed the blade into its usual position, and cut down, slicing off his genitals, bringing a scream of pain from the enraged killer. He fell forwards, trying to slice her with his claws, but she eluded him. Spinning round behind him, to slash across the backs of his knees, hamstringing him, she then spun round to his front, like a ballet dancer executing a pirouette, the katana held in both hands, to slash his belly from side to side.

Creed's healing factor was being overloaded by everything it was being asked to deal with, and it couldn't stitch up the cuts in time. Kitty paused a second, then slashed once more - this time to the throat. The strike was hard enough to hit the neck vertebrae, the metal blade clanging against metal-laced bones, cutting through windpipe, arteries and veins, in a bright-red splash of arterial blood. Creed went down, his wounds not healing.

Kitty stood over him. "Well, Creed? Does that answer your question?" She raised the blade, two-handed, pointing down. "You know, you really are pathetic, aren't you? You make this big thing about being so tough, so vicious, such a big killer. 'King of the World', huh? Well, the joke is, you're a failure, Creed. You know why? Because you thought you'd destroyed me. You thought you'd destroyed my life." She tensed in anticipation. "But I still have my life, Creed." She slowly lowered the blade.

"You haven't."

She stepped back. The blade had gone through Sabretooth's skull, with the aid of her phasing power. Now the hilt stuck up from the top of his skull, the tip of the blade protruding through the underside of his jaw.

"Go on then, o 'King of the World', heal that."

There was no sound from the figure in front of her, its brain skewered by a katana, its throat cut, its intestines spilled on the floor. She walked back towards the manhole, then stopped.

"Okay, Lockheed, now make sure."

The little purple dragon took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and breathed.

Fire. White hot. Hot enough to melt steel. Fire that lasted for a good thirty seconds.

He stopped, and glanced at her with a look of satisfaction, one which matched her own. In the centre of the tunnel was a skeleton, a gleaming metal skeleton, with a sword through the skull - like the bones, it was made of Adamantium, so had survived the heat. Around the kneeling skeleton was a heap of ash, spread over a patch of melted concrete.

"Yeah, that should do it, dragon. C'mon, let's go home."

**********************************************

Kurt was waiting for her. "Are you all right, Katzchen?"

She smiled, and a look of shock appeared on his face. "Yeah, fuzzy, I am. All of a sudden, I feel like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders." She reached out to touch his face with a gentle hand. Then she grinned. "But you should see the other guy!"

She walked back to the waiting Midnight Runner, leaving her old friend looking after her in total bemusement. Pete was waiting for her.

"Feelin' better now, Kit?"

She looked at him. "I'm not as I was before, Pete. I never can be. But, if you want, maybe we could give it another go?" And she tentatively reached out to take his hand in hers.

"Sure thing, love." And he put a protective arm around her shoulders, as they walked back to the plane.

*************************************************

FIN