Angel of the Morning

Chapter Three

"Oh, yeah, of course, Tara should totally be there. It'll be great," I said, and I forced myself to smile. It was going to be a strain facing Tara at Buffy's party, but I could hardly object to Buffy's choice of guests. I'd just have to make the best of it. Maybe I could hide behind Spike.

The Magic Box bell rang as the door opened and Dawn walked in. She greeted us just by saying 'Hey', because, hello, teenager.

"Hey, Dawnie," I greeted her back. "Buffy out patrolling already?"

"Yeah," Dawn confirmed, nodding her head.

"So, anything new about Warren and the Nerd Herd?" Xander asked.

"No, just a big monster hunt. Same old same old," Dawn told him.

"Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding," Xander said, and shook his head.

"Does anybody want to come to the mall with me for birthday presents?" Dawn asked us.

"Oh, I would, honey, but I've got my group," I excused myself. "You know, the whole Spellcasters Anonymous thing? We're still looking for a better name."

"Oh." Dawn looked disappointed. "Well, yeah, no, that – that's good. You should, uh, do that. So, what about you guys?"

Anya didn't even look up. "Stuck in doing-the-books-ville."

Xander couldn't make it either. "Aw, I'd love to go with you, but I gotta finish this new shift schedule for the crew by tomorrow morning."

Dawn pouted and looked miserable. I felt a pang of sympathy. Also, it struck me that the whole magic abuse thing just hadn't been an issue while I had been looking after Spike, and then going to the movies with Spike and Dawn, and the Spellcasters Anonymous meeting wasn't any better at helping me with my problem than that. Probably not as good. "I'll skip my group thing," I decided. "Mall here we come, Dawnie."

When I saw the way her face lit up I knew that I had made the right decision.

I swallowed hard and bit back tears. The meeting with Tara had been, well, pretty awkward, even painful. Tara had seemed almost frightened of me. Maybe she was right to be scared. What I'd done to her was just about as bad as could be, and since then there had been the running wild with Amy and getting into the bad stuff, and if Tara had heard about that then, yeah, the stammering and fleeing off to the kitchen thing was pretty much what I should have expected.

I stood outside the kitchen, half wanting to follow Tara and half terrified of doing so, and then I heard a knock at the back door. Buffy answered it, and then I heard a familiar voice.

"Yeah, Willow mentioned the shindig. Figured we're all part of the team."

I plucked up my courage and went into the kitchen to greet Spike. He'd brought Clem along, like he'd said he might, and they'd brought drinks. Buffy didn't seem all that happy to see them, but at least it didn't look like she was going to throw them out. Still, she was being a bit cold, and so I thought I'd better make up for that.

"Hey, Spike, glad you could make it." I gave him a great big smile and a hug. I glanced over at Tara for a second as I did that, and her eyebrows were climbing up to join her hair. "And Clem," and I gave the wrinkly demon a little hug too. "Good to see you."

"You too, Willow," Clem said, grinning at me. "Hey, I brought beer and nachos."

"That's great," I said, and grinned back at him.

Buffy and Tara both looked really surprised, even amazed. Like Buffy's the only one who can have demon friends. Not any more. Their reactions gave me pretty much of a buzz.

Not that much of the rest of the party was buzz-worthy. Maybe it didn't suck dead rats through a straw the way some of Buffy's parties had in the past, but it wasn't a blast.

Xander and Anya had brought along a guy from his work as a prospective date for Buffy. I didn't see the point because, hello, Spike was right there and he already loved her and everything. Okay, so this guy Richard had the sunlight tolerance and endothermic metabolism but that was about all he had going for him. Buffy had invited someone she worked with at the DoubleMeat Palace and she was a total nebbish. She was suspicious of all the food, 'cause she seemed to be allergic to just about every known foodstuff 'cept maybe plankton. Although, she seemed to get on well with Clem, so not totally of the bad.

Buffy and Spike made snippy little comments at each other most of the night. Spike was sniping away at Xander's friend Richard too, no surprise there I guess. Tara pretty much ignored me, okay, can't blame her, but it hurt. Funny thing is, she kept making snippy little comments at Spike too. I couldn't follow what she was on about but Spike seemed to know, even seemed to be upset by some things she said, which was a bit weird. I wondered if Tara might be jealous 'cause of me inviting Spike. Hey, that would be a good thing, right?

So, when that guy Richard talked to me, and nodded across at Spike and asked me "Is he your boyfriend?" I thought I might have a little fun.

The first thing that came out of my mouth was "No," but then I realized that Tara was watching. I would have said 'I'm gay', but I had this sudden crazy idea and I said to Richard "Not yet, anyway, we've only been out on one date so far."

Only then Tara choked on her drink and went pale and scuttled off upstairs and I felt really bad. I rushed off after her and caught up with her outside the bathroom.

"Spike and me took Dawn to the movies," I explained. "That was all. I was just teasing."

Tara dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "You do what you want. I left you. You're a free agent."

"I only want you, sweetie," I pleaded. "I know you're not ready to take me back, I don't deserve you, but I'm still hoping."

"I can't trust you," Tara said, and then gave me a shaky sort of half smile. "Maybe one day. But, Willow, stay away from Spike."

"He won't hurt me," I said, and I frowned at her. "I mean, really he won't. We've gotten to be good friends this last week. We've been hanging out a lot, but it's just friends. I mean, he's in love with Buffy, so, just friends on his side too."

Tara sighed; I think it was a sigh of relief. "Just keep that in mind." She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

I stood looking at the door for a minute but I felt really stupid and hopeless hanging around outside the bathroom waiting for her and so I gave up and went back downstairs. I couldn't help feeling that I was outside a loop and there was something going on that I didn't know about. That bothered me. It seemed to involve Spike, and so I thought I'd interrogate him about it. Only, I never really got the chance.

There was the big present-giving and present-opening thing, and there was cake, and board games, and a bit of drinking. Even a bit of dancing.

Xander and Anya gave Buffy a hand-crafted weapons chest that kinda upstaged everybody else. Dawnie seemed to be a bit upset and jealous. Me too, I guess, but I know I just don't have that kind of skill, and Buffy, well, sweet girl but too fond of shiny pointy things. I knew in advance that my gift certificate for a meal wasn't going to really ring Buffy's bell. At least, thanks to Spike, I hadn't got her a dumb vibrator.

Dumb vibrator? That kinda implies there are talky ones and, hey, that might be a good idea. I said that to Spike, and we ended up laughing and coming up with things for a vibrator to say, which was fun but meant that I never get round to asking him about what the thing with him and Buffy and Tara was all about. I danced with Spike, too. Not like Tara was going to dance with me, so why not? No need for Buffy to get sniffy, she wasn't going to dance with Spike. Maybe she should have done.

All the board games got won by either Anya or Clem. Hey, I'm supposed to be the smart one! Clem knew all the trivia stuff; strange for a demon to be so big on TV shows and things, but I guess he just lives pretty much like a human. Anya, well, I think she's memorized all the answer cards from 'Trivial Pursuit'. She just takes winning too seriously. Even when it's not for cash prizes.

Still, overall I didn't have that bad a time. Even Buffy seemed to enjoy herself for about half the time. Nobody died, there weren't any zombie attacks, and for one of Buffy's parties that's about as good as it gets.

For somebody who is supposed to be so smart I can be really stupid sometimes. I had nearly all the clues and I was absolutely hopeless at putting them together. I got the final clue that night, well early hours of the morning really, but I still didn't solve the puzzle there and then.

We were clearing up after the party, Buffy and me, gathering up the dishes and washing the ones that would get all yuck if they were left, and Buffy bitched at me a bit for inviting Spike. Like it would have been much of a party without him and Clem. So I didn't take much notice of what she was saying, just let it wash over my head, took it that she was just being Buffy. It didn't really register on me that she kept going on and on about Spike not having a soul. Not right then, anyway.

Tuesday evening I went over to Spike's crypt. Dawn was doing something with Janice, and Buffy was working, and Xander and Anya were all tied up in each other, and I thought me and Spike could maybe make plans to take Dawn out again. Or maybe just talk. Anyway, he was there, and he was pleased to see me. We talked about going to the movies. 'Orange County' was on, and I'd heard it was pretty funny, and Spike grumbled a bit and then gave in.

Not like there were any real guy movies showing for him anyway; the only other movie besides 'The Fellowship of the Ring' showing at our little not-very-Multiplex was 'Brotherhood of the Wolf' and I had thought that might be more of a Spike film, but he never mentioned it. Maybe he was being tactful, 'cause of Oz. Tact never used to be Spike's thing, but I was getting closer to him than we'd been before and maybe tact is something Spike only shows to friends.

Anyway, we talked a little bit about the party, and I said I was surprised that Buffy hadn't been more pleased to see him. I asked him, "So, did you and Buffy have a fight, or what?"

He twitched when I said that, and looked away, and took just a little too long before he said "Not any more than usual."

That was when it all clicked. The way he kept on saying that he was worthless 'cause he didn't have a soul, it was just like what Buffy had been saying to me after the party. The denial about having had a fight with Buffy, it was because it hadn't just been with words the way I'd meant it. Suddenly I could see it in my mind. Buffy hitting him over and over again, telling him he was an evil soulless thing, beating it into his mind. That was why there had been no marks on his hands; he couldn't have defended himself against her. I felt cold and sick.

"Spike – was it her?"

"Lost you there, pet. Was what who?"

"It was Buffy, wasn't it? In the alley. She beat you up. Why?"

"Wasn't Buffy," he said. He looked down at his hands as he said it.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me it wasn't Buffy," I ordered.

He lifted his head and looked me in the face, and for just a second I felt relieved, but he didn't say anything. Not with words, anyway; his face said it all. He looked sad, and sorry, and ashamed. I knew for sure then. It was Buffy who had beaten up the man, well vampire, who loved her. Beaten him so badly that he still wasn't fully recovered a week later.

"It was her. Why? How could she do that to you?" Okay, there had been a time when hearing that Buffy had beaten up Spike wouldn't have been any big deal. Although, even then, doing that to him would have been wrong. Staking him, yeah, but not beating him up and leaving him to die. 'Cause he would have done, if it hadn't been for Clem. The sun shines into that alley in the morning. Anyway, those days were long gone. Pretty much from the time he got the chip. A punch on the nose now and then, I guess that was fair enough, 'cause Spike could be a jerk sometimes; but not what she'd done to him. I just couldn't understand it.

Spike took his time answering. "Tried to stop her giving herself up to the cops," he said at last. "Couldn't persuade her. She wouldn't listen. Started hitting me. She had a lot of anger in her. Thought if she let it out she might listen. So I told her to put it all on me." He looked down at the floor. "And she did. Just kept hitting me and shouting at me, and then she walked off and left me there."

I just stood and stared for a minute. I just couldn't think of anything to say. I'd missed the whole thing when the Nerd Trio had tricked Buffy into thinking she'd killed Warren's girlfriend; I'd been out when she went on patrol, and when she'd come back and said goodbye to Dawn I'd already been in bed and asleep. I'd gone out before they got up the next morning, when I got back from seeing to Spike they'd been gone, and the first I'd known about it was when I went over to the Magic Box after visiting Spike and giving him the microwave. The whole thing had been over by then, and everybody was busy trying to work out how the Nerds had rigged it, so I hadn't realized for a day or two how close Buffy had come to turning herself in.

Buffy hadn't mentioned Spike at all; not even asked about him when I said that he'd been beaten up. She hadn't even seemed all that interested, and that had bugged me a little at the time, but I put it down to her having other things to think about; well, now I knew how come she hadn't been curious, she'd already known.

How could Buffy have done that to Spike? I felt like going over to the DoubleMeat Palace and giving her a piece of my mind only, what was I going to do? Start yelling at her in front of the customers and the other staff? Hang around waiting for her to take a break? Not like it would do any good anyway, the damage had already been done.

"Don't cry, Red," Spike said. He fumbled in his pockets, looking for a tissue I guess. "I'm okay. I could take it. Vampire here, enhanced healing, and you did a good job of patching me up. I'm fine now."

I hadn't realized I was crying, but now he mentioned it I could feel that my cheeks were damp. I got out a tissue and dabbed at them and then blew my nose. "It's not right," I said. "Buffy shouldn't have treated you like that."

"Not like I matter," Spike said. He gave me a little smile. "Better me than one of you lot, right? I just heal right up."

"That's not the point, Spike. I mean, doing that to you when you were just trying to help, it's just wrong."

"Don't understand right and wrong," Spike muttered. "Learned that much. Asked the Slayer to explain but she wouldn't. I haven't got a soul, just can't get a handle on it."

"Look, just shut up about not having a soul, will you?" I told him. "See me not caring. She was wrong. There was no call for her to do that to you, whatever she was going through."

Buffy had had 'a lot of anger in her', Spike had said. It struck me that the anger had been directed at me, for dragging her back from Heaven, and she'd let it out at Spike. So, something else that was my fault. Not that I could really tell him that, but I could try to make it up to him. Maybe help him get some self-respect back; the way he'd been talking since the beating he really seemed to have lost confidence in his own value.

I'd been thinking about maybe getting Spike and Buffy together 'cause, hey, Anya has a point, everybody likes orgasms, and it might have got Buffy out of being all Depresso Girl; only now that didn't seem like a good idea at all. If she wanted to work out her anger, hello, punching bag? Not somebody who loves her, vampire or not. It was about time Spike got treated like a person. I remembered Spike saying something once about Buffy treating him like a man, made him feel like one, act like one. Seems she'd stopped doing that, so maybe somebody else should do it.

"Get your coat," I told Spike. He looked at me, head over to one side, and raised his eyebrows. "Long leather thing, sleeves, you keep your cigarettes in the pockets? Put it on. You, me, the movies. Now."

"What, just us, no Dawn?"

"Well, yeah. Dawn's at Janice's for the night. Really, we spoke to Janice's mom and everything. You and me."

"You're not meaning, um, a date?"

"Well, you're a guy and you love Buffy, I'm gay and I'm in love with Tara, so, well, it's maybe not so much a date. But if anybody asks, yeah, it's a date."

Spike looked down at his chest. "In that case I'll put a clean shirt on, Red. Give us a minute to get tidied up, okay?" He disappeared down into the lower level and came back up a few minutes later looking pretty smart, for Spike. He grabbed his coat and slipped it on. "This a plan to get Tara jealous, then, pet?"

"Well, I had a little try at the party and it didn't work out that well," I told him, "so I'm not holding out any hopes. Maybe it might make Buffy jealous? Mainly I'm just thinking the two of us, done some bad things, not feeling too good, maybe we could use a little fun. Can't hurt, right?"

"Bloody near anything can hurt in Sunnyhell, love, but I reckon it's worth a shot. We going to see 'Orange County', then, Red? Thought we were seeing that with Dawn."

"Hey, if it's good we can see it twice, if it's not good then we save Dawn the trouble. Or, maybe we should see 'Brotherhood of the Wolf'."

So we did.