Chapter Five:   Family Man.

Anya switched the lights back on and ushered everyone inside.  "Yes, Spike is human now," she confirmed.  "Isn't it wonderful?"

Spike wasn't sure 'wonderful' was quite the word he would have used, but he saw the look of absolute delight on Dawn's face and couldn't bear to spoil it for her, so he smiled and nodded at everyone.

Xander spluttered incoherently for a minute, but eventually managed to form the single word "How?"

Spike raised his hand, palm towards Xander, and looked solemn.  "How!" he replied.  "We smoke-um peace pipe now?"

Willow burst into laughter, followed by Tara and Anya.  Dawn, whose television viewing had included less material from before the era of political correctness, took a few seconds longer to react and join in.  Xander choked for a moment, struggled with conflicting emotions, but then gave in and laughed along with the others. "Good one, Spike," he chuckled.  "Okay, seeing as how you're not the Evil Dead any more, I will if you will."

Spike hadn't really meant it as a request to make his peace with Xander; he'd just seen the opening for a joke and gone with it, intending only to relieve some of the tension he was feeling.  He hesitated; Xander had treated him very badly over the past few months, and he had built up a lot of resentment towards the young construction worker.  But Anya had been a great help to him that afternoon, and it would be extremely awkward to be friendly with her and an enemy of her fiancée; and he had been getting on reasonably well with Xander last summer, before the Scoobies had dragged Buffy back from Heaven and everything had gone terribly wrong.  Also, he wanted the gang's help in adjusting to life as a human, and in investigating the mysterious change he had undergone.  He swallowed his feelings and decided to accept the proffered olive branch.

"Okay, Xander.  Can we forget all the bad blood between us and start afresh?" he said, extending his hand.

Xander looked similarly torn for a moment, but then took the hand and shook.  "Like I said, I will if you will.  Got to admit, I've kinda missed our pool games."

"Me too," Spike confessed.  He smiled.  "If I'd realised all I needed to do to make up with you was to turn human, I'd have done it long ago."

Xander laughed briefly.  "How the Hell did you do it, Spike?  I mean, seriously?"

"Yeah, interested parties want to know," put in Willow.  "And, the peace pipe thing – can that go for me too?  'Cause, I've been pretty mean to you lately, and I'm sorry."

"Of course, Red," Spike grinned.  "I've been mean to you in the past, too.  But I've always liked you."

Willow bit back a barbed retort even as it came to her mind, and instead took Spike's hand.

"Can I be included in this reconciliation thing?" Tara asked, smiling broadly.

"You've never done anything to me I'd need to forgive you for, pet," Spike mirrored her smile.  "And I don't recall ever doing anything to you.  If we weren't friends already, I must have misunderstood you at the party."

"You didn't," Tara confirmed.  "Yeah, I thought of you as a friend already, vampire or not."  She came forward, and embraced the former vampire.  "I'm so glad for you, William."  Willow joined the embrace, so that both witches were wrapping Spike in a hug.  He had a suspicion that Willow's motivations might be rooted more in jealousy of anyone else being hugged by Tara rather than by genuine affection towards him, but accepted the embrace anyway.  Dawn joined in too, probably jealous of the other two girls hugging her special friend.  Spike was in the middle of what he would have previously dismissed scornfully as a 'soggy group hug'.  It felt good.  Comforting, secure, giving him a feeling that he might actually be considered part of the group.

"Yeah, but how did you do it?" Xander pressed.

"Spill, Spike," Dawn urged.  "What's the story?"

"Well," Spike began, "It started this morning when I was woken up by a banging on the crypt door..."

Riley shone his torch around the dark basement of the crypt, playing the beam over the shattered remnants of the demon eggs.  "Suvolte eggs, for sure," he confirmed.  "Look like a whole clutch to you, Sam?"

"Hard to tell," his wife replied.  "I'll need to examine them closely.  They're a bit of a mess."  She had her own torch in one hand; in the other she held a Beretta M-9, ready to defend against any larvae which had survived.

Privately Buffy thought this was a ridiculous choice of weapon for use against small, probably fast-moving, targets; she doubted whether there would be any baby Suvolte at all, but if there were any she intended to splat them with the butt end of a stake.  "Would it help if I put on the lights?" she suggested.

"Lights?" Riley repeated blankly.

"Yeah, electric lights.  They've been pretty popular here in the civilised world since about 1883."  Buffy pressed the switch and Spike's bedside lamp came on, illuminating the area.  There were still deep pools of shadow; she looked for his candles, but they were just puddles of melted wax.  He must have gone out leaving them lit, and they had burned away to nothing; she didn't know where he kept replacements.

Riley looked at her suspiciously, obviously wondering how come she knew her way around the lower level of Spike's crypt, but she was in no mood to explain and simply watched as Sam Finn scrutinised the wreckage.  The light from the lamp, even though not ideal, was still a big help, and it didn't take her long to complete her examination.

"I make it eleven eggs, eleven dead larvae," Sam announced.  "Clutches run ten to twelve, so looks like it's a clean sweep.  If your theory is correct, then this Spike did us a favour."

"Got to admit the evidence seems to fit," Riley conceded.  "But I still want to talk to him, get a lead on The Doctor.  Any idea where he'll be?  Willy's, maybe?"

Buffy grimaced.  She didn't want Riley around when she had her first meeting with Human Spike, but there didn't seem to be any way to avoid it.  "He's probably at the Scooby meeting at the Magic Box," she admitted reluctantly.  "Which I am way late for, because of you.  Come on."  She led the way up the ladder and out of the crypt.

"So, there you have it," Spike finished.  "I'm alive again, I've given up smoking without having any say in the matter, my accent has gone back to what it was before I was turned, I've got a house, a car, ID, a job offer, and a fair bit of cash.  And I'm as baffled as you are as to how or why any of it has happened.  I'm still not a hundred per cent sure it isn't all some dream, or a hallucination."

"It's not a hallucination," Willow assured him, and then frowned.  "Although I suppose that's what I'd say if I was a hallucination, isn't it?  It's one of those 'was Confucius dreaming he was a butterfly, or was the butterfly dreaming he was Confucius?' things, I guess."

"That was Chuang Tzu, not Confucius," Spike corrected her automatically, and then winced.  "I really have gone back to my old self," he moaned.  "If I start spouting really awful poetry, somebody knock me down and sit on my head."

"Poetry?" Tara queried.

"William the Bloody Awful Poet," Anya chimed in, remembering Spike's words to her when she'd first commented on the change in his accent and vocabulary. "Spike was a poet when he was human."

Spike winced.  "I was, yes.  I was no good at it, and the whole thing was something I'd much rather forget.  I'd prefer not to go into any details."  He saw Anya's disappointed pout, and relented slightly.  "I might tell you about it some time, but not yet.  For now, just take it that my whole Big Bad image was just a front.  I was an unworldly intellectual as a human.  Neither use nor ornament.  I worked hard to change that once I became a vampire.  Okay, I was evil, but at least I was somebody who could be respected.  And then they stuck this chip in my head and I became pathetic.  Now, I'm all the way back to where I started."

He was becoming more and more depressed as he continued.  "I'm useless now.  I can't even pretend to be a tough guy any more.  It's been fun for a few hours, having money, and a new car, and so on, and Anya really helped me this afternoon, but I don't want this.  I don't understand any of it, and I don't want it.  I want to change back."  Tears came to his eyes.  "I want to be my vampire self again.  Help me.  But please," he pleaded, "if I can change back, treat me like you're doing now.  I don't mind if I lose all the money and stuff.  But don't push me away again."

It was at that moment, as the Scoobies stared wide-eyed at the man who had been a vampire, that the doorbell jingled,  The shop door swung open and Buffy walked in, followed by Riley Finn and a woman they didn't know.  Buffy stopped dead and stared at Spike.  Riley moved ahead of her and grinned at the gang.

"Hi, guys," he greeted.  "I'm back, guess Dawn and Willow will have told you.  Any of you know where Spike is?"

Spike.  Human Spike.  Buffy had walked past the Jaguar which stood next to Xander's car, and had wondered if it was the car she had wished for on Spike's behalf. Now she saw him, sitting among the Scoobies, wearing a gorgeous suit, his hair short and light brown, and her heart leaped into her mouth.  He was dreamy.  But why did he seem to be crying?

"What do you want with Spike, Riley Finn?" Dawn asked coldly.

"I need to ask him some questions about demon eggs," Riley replied.  He smiled at Dawn, but the smile faded under the impact of her hostile glare.  "Just doing my job," he added defensively. "I thought your job was chasing demons in like Belize and so on," Dawn went on.  "We don't need you in Sunnydale."

"It's okay, Nibblet," Spike put in.  "I don't mind talking to him."

"Spike?"  Riley frowned.  He hadn't recognised his old enemy at first.  "What were you doing with the Suvolte eggs?"

"Suvolte eggs?  Is that what they were?  Smashing them to bits, actually," the former vampire revealed.  "They gave me the creeps.  I cut the top off one of them, didn't like what I saw, and panicked.  They didn't belong to your lot, did they?"

"Told you," Buffy said smugly.

"Where did you get them, and what did you plan to do with them?" Riley pressed.

"A demon I know slightly offered me five hundred dollars to watch over them for a few days," Spike replied.  "He gave me two hundred up front, promised his boss would bring the rest when he came to collect them.  I'm afraid I didn't ask any questions at the time.  I just regarded it as a little easy money, and I was rather desperate.  I take it they were some sort of contraband?"

Riley frowned.  Spike wasn't acting like himself at all.  The accent, and the attitude, confused him.  He said nothing for a moment, and Sam took over.

"They were indeed," she told Spike.  "Pretty dangerous things.  You did the right thing by destroying them.  But we do need to know more about the demon who hired you.  Name, description, and did he say where he got them?  Or tell you anything about his boss?"

"Certainly," Spike agreed.  "But may I ask who you are?" "My name's Samantha Finn, but everyone calls me Sam," she informed him, smiling pleasantly.  "I'm part of the same military team as my husband, investigating non-Terrestrial activity and acting to eliminate hostile elements."

"Husband?" Xander exclaimed, his eyebrows climbing faster than an F-15 on afterburner.  "You're married, Riley?"

"I am," he confirmed.  "Four months now."  He turned back to Spike.  "Answer the question, Spike," he ordered.  "Name, description, location, origin."

"His name is Pah'Tuk.  A Lister demon.  Grey skin, but otherwise very human in appearance.  However, I'm afraid you won't find him in Sunnydale.  He said he was leaving town, which is why he wanted me to hold the eggs.  Going to Ecuador, if I recall correctly.  As to his boss, all he told me was that he was human.  I'm sorry, but that's all I know.  I didn't pay all that much attention.  I was only interested in getting some cash to pay off a gambling debt.  I was being pressed rather hard to come up with some funds quickly."

"You obviously did, judging by that suit.  It looks new."  Riley stared suspiciously at the former vampire.

"My clothes got covered in an unpleasant slimy substance when I smashed the eggs," Spike explained truthfully.  "Anya took me shopping this afternoon."

"You bought him the suit?"  Riley turned his attention to Anya.

"He'll need a smart suit to attend our wedding," Anya replied, skilfully avoiding telling a direct lie.

"See, Riley?  Just like I told you.  Spike, international arms dealer, no way.  Leave him alone, already." Buffy snapped at her ex-boyfriend.  "If he says he's told you all he knows, I believe him."

"Everything checks out with what we saw at the crypt," Sam confirmed.  "The Suvolte is dead, the eggs are destroyed.  We can mark this one as cleared up and move on to the job in Nepal."

"I'm not so sure."  Riley was still suspicious.  "I think we should take Spike in for questioning."

"Leave him alone," Tara protested.  "He's done nothing wrong."

Dawn stepped in front of Spike and folded her arms across her chest.  "If you lay one finger on Spike I will find a way to hurt you, Riley Finn," she said firmly, glowering at the tall soldier.

"I wouldn't mess with her, she's a hair-puller," Buffy warned, reminded of another confrontation in the Magic Box long ago.  She joined her sister in front of Spike. "If you want Spike, you'll have to go through me."

"And me," Willow spoke up.  "Spike's part of the team."

"He's family," Tara announced, smiling at Spike as she remembered that same confrontation.  She leaned towards him and tapped him lightly on the nose, and her smile grew broader as she saw the look of incredulous joy that lit up his face.

"He is an important guest at our wedding," Anya stated.  "You're not touching him."

Xander's brow furrowed as he tried to remember what he had said on that day when they had protected Tara from her family, then cleared and a grin spread over his face.  "Maybe we can't stop you taking Spike, but I swear by your manly body armour that you're gonna break something trying," he threatened.  "Okay, it'll probably be my ribs," he conceded, "but I'll stand by Spike."

Riley shook his head.  "You'd really back Hostile 17 against me?  Against the Government?"

"Hey, we all voted for Al Gore," Willow shot back.

"Like most people," Tara added.

"Seriously, Riley, Spike's changed," Willow continued.  "He's not the vampire you remember.  He's part of the team, like I said, and we really couldn't have coped without him last year.  Leave him alone.  He told us all about the eggs before you came in."

"Drop it, Rye," Sam advised him.  "Your info's more than a year out of date, remember.  You've told me all about this crew, and if they trust him I think we should as well."  She turned to Spike.  "Would it be all right with you if we put a surveillance camera in your crypt to try to get a shot of The Doctor when he comes to pick up the eggs?  Only in the upper level, of course, not in your bedroom."

"Certainly," Spike agreed, and smiled at her, glad that she had shown him the courtesy of asking permission.  "I appreciate your asking.  I won't be using the crypt for a while anyway; I made rather a mess when I destroyed the eggs, and I don't think living conditions would be pleasant there at the moment.  I've found somewhere else to stay, and I'll only be going back to the crypt to retrieve some of my possessions.  Feel free to put cameras anywhere you like, although I'd like you to let me know where they are in case I do take up residence there again in the future."

"Of course," Sam nodded.  "Thank you.  We'll pop back and do that after we fit the camera.  Come on, Rye.  Let's do it, then we can be on our way.  We're ahead of schedule, so we can drive to the pick-up point instead of calling in the chopper."  She frowned at her husband, who was still staring at Spike.  "Come on, move it."

Riley didn't react.  "You have changed, Spike.  Your voice is different.  You sound like Giles.  What game are you playing?  How have you managed to pull the wool over their eyes?"

"This is my real accent," Spike admitted reluctantly.  "The Cockney was the act.  All part of playing the part of the Big Bad.  But my bark has been worse than my bite for a while now, and I can't keep the act up any longer."

"For God's sake drop it, Riley," Buffy told him angrily.  "Spike is on our side.  He saved me from burning to death just a few weeks ago."  Her dislike of Sam had evaporated now, but she was becoming more and more annoyed with Riley.  She was eager to get to the big 'Spike is human' revelation, but knew it would never be mentioned with the ex-Initiative agent around.  He'd want to investigate the transformation, and the investigation might well involve incarceration and experimentation. "God, when did you turn into such an asshole?  Sorry, Sam."

"He is being an asshole," Mrs Finn agreed, glaring at her husband.  "Riley.  Come on.  Now."  She led Riley from the Magic Box, not actually dragging him by an ear but conveying the impression that she was thinking about it.

"Okay," Buffy said once the door had shut behind the Finns.  "I can see something's different about Spike.  Now that Captain Cardboard's out of the way, you can spill.  What gives?"

"Can I tell her, Spike?" Dawn pleaded, bouncing up and down in her chair.  "Can I, please?"

Spike smiled at her fondly.  "All right, Nibblet.  Go ahead."

"Spike's turned human!  He's alive!" Dawn told her sister, a huge grin all the way across her face.

Buffy let her mouth fall open, raised her eyebrows, and opened her eyes wide, faking astonishment as well as she could.  "What?  Alive?" she gasped.  It seemed to work.

"Yes, Slayer, alive," Spike confirmed.  "And I seem to have a fair bit of money, too."

"Money?  How come?  What'd you do, win the Lottery?" Buffy asked, remembering one of her suggestions to Halfrek.

"No, I ..." Spike began, but then hesitated.  "Maybe I did," he said slowly.  "There was a lottery ticket at the bottom of the carton.  I didn't really look at it.  I don't even know how you find out if you win.  I don't play; just buy a scratch card sometimes."

"Oh, I can look it up for you," Anya offered.  "Have you got it with you?"

"No, I left it at the apartment.  I didn't think it was important.  But with everything else that's happened, it wouldn't be surprising if it was a winning ticket."  Spike's happy smile disappeared.  "It's all too much.  All this.  It can't be real.  It's got to be a dream – but why can't I wake up?"

The night wasn't turning out quite as Buffy had envisaged.  She still hadn't managed to spend any time alone with Spike at all.  Xander and Anya were putting off going home for as long as possible in the hope that Uncle Rory would have drunk himself into unconsciousness before they returned.  Willow had seized on a valid reason to spend time with Tara, and the two witches were researching for anything which might explain what had happened to Spike.  Dawn was bouncing around like Tigger on amphetamines.  Spike himself was alternating between bouts of deep depression and moments of ecstatic joy.

She was accustomed to Spike's mood swings, but this was in a whole different league.  The reasons behind the moods were disconcerting, too.  The depression seemed to have two root causes; a fear that he had gone mad and was hallucinating, which was understandable and which she was sure would pass, and a discontent at having been turned into a human, which she found more worrying.  She'd been positive he would be delighted.  The moments of happiness came from his interactions with the Scoobies.  The united front they had shown against Riley on his behalf had made a deep impression on him; especially Buffy's own action, as she had, he thought, believed him still to be a vampire at the time.  She wasn't going to let him find out that he was wrong in that belief.

Buffy was eager to see Spike's new apartment, but it seemed that wasn't going to happen tonight.  Spike simply wasn't up to inviting everyone round; he promised a house-warming party tomorrow night, but even Dawn's puppy-dog eyes didn't persuade him to bring the invitation forwards.  There was no individual invitation for Buffy either.  She hinted at him joining her on patrol, but he merely gave her a tired smile and pointed out that he would be of little use to her now that he was a human.  He'd only get in her way.  He would be glad to be of what little help he could in an emergency, but not on routine patrol.

'Drat and double drat!' Buffy cursed silently.  She knew that Spike had retained his vampire strength, unless Halfrek had short-changed her on the wish; but apparently Spike didn't realise it.  He was taking it for granted that he was a normal human, and she couldn't enlighten him; that would tip everyone off that she had more knowledge about his transformation than she should.  The Scoobies would want to know more, and then they'd go ballistic on her for doing a dumb thing like making a wish to a Vengeance Demon, and Mood-Swingy Spike would go all depressed because she knew he was human when she stood up for him against Riley. So, it was a no on the telling Spike he was still super-strong front.  Oh well, he'd be bound to find out for himself sooner or later.

Her own pleasant news, the money from her father, her resignation from Double Meat Palace, and her forthcoming return to UC Sunnydale, was met with interest.  It paled into insignificance compared to what had happened to Spike, of course, and Dawn and Willow had both heard about it already, so it was definitely a second feature to the big news story.  Only Spike asked for all the details, wanted to know what her father was doing in Spain, whether he was going to be visiting her in Sunnydale any time soon, and guessed – correctly – that the odd amount of dollars she had received had started off as a round figure in Euro.

Xander and Anya had brought the conversation back to discussing wedding plans by the time Riley and Sam Finn returned to the Magic Box.  "So, married man," Xander asked Riley, "If forced to choose between a photographer and place settings, which would you go for?"

"I dodged all that stuff," Riley confessed.  "We got married in a military chopper just before a night drop into hostile territory."

"Hmm," Xander mused.  "What's a chopper rental run at these days?

"Disposable cameras," Sam suggested.  "Little ones, ten bucks a pop, you arrange them like place settings, guests snap photos, breaks the ice, and when the wedding's over you take home the photos."

"Hey, I like it," Xander grinned.

"An excellent suggestion," Anya agreed.

"Glad I could help," Sam acknowledged.  "Spike, we didn't fit the camera after all.  We worked out the best place to hide it, went there, and there was a camera there already."

The buzz of conversation among the gang died instantly.  "What?" Buffy gasped.  She shot a glance at Spike, and saw a look of horror on his face.

"A cheap commercial webcam," Sam went on, "with chewing gum stuck over the LED.  We couldn't back-track it, but a tech guy might come over some time to have another go.  You knew nothing about it?"  A nod of confirmation from Spike.  "Thought so.  We think it was put there by the dealer.  Guess The Doctor wanted to watch over his eggs.  I don't think he'll be calling over to pick them up after all."

The characters in this story do not belong to me, but are being used for amusement only and all rights remain with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the writers of the original episodes, and the TV and production companies responsible for the original television programmes.  BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ©2002 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.  All Rights Reserved. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer trademark is used without express permission from Fox.