VERY AU: Master Of The Sunnydale Hellmouth plays with a tortured Slayer, his dark Princess by his side.  Not the story you may think it is, in fact far from it. Come and take a journey to madness, betrayal, desire and rage. As we follow our cast of characters as they journey from the past to understand the present, as they  learn love can be beautiful and pure as well as dark and dangerous. And perhaps that hardest thing in this world is to truly live in it.

Author's Note: A lot of blood-play, darkness freaky/kinky and angst and VERY NC-17. Not suitable for viewers under age. Not your typical Buffy or Spike. This will be VERY LONG with a lot of flashbacks.
 

Nocturnal Bravura : def

Nocturnal -from Latin nocturnus ; of, relating to, or occurring in the night

Bravura- Italian, meaning 'skill or bravery'; a musical performance that displays a bold and an extraordinary display of technique.

Chapter 31: A Time To Lose

Buffy's mind flashed to torturous scene as she laid in sleep. Pictures flashed through her mind. She saw them there in their frames. The same pictures that haunted her night after night, for all these ears she never could make them go away.

One of a her hugging an older blonde women from behind as a little girl with auburn hair sat in the blonde women's lap all of them smiling and happy.

Another one of her and her Daddy holding each other tightly locked in a tight embrace gazing into at each other eyes instead of the camera, anyone who saw the picture could see intense love shooting between them.

Another one of her with a bunch of people, the two women from the first picture and her Daddy... Her Daddy standing beside another women with brunette hair and an older man and The Slayer...

The Slayer???

Another one of her and The Slayer??

This one always confused her. She was sitting on his shoulders in front of a tree in the sunlight.

She couldn't go into the sunlight. Could she? Of course she couldn't its obsurd thinking.

Then came the pain and the blood, like always.

So much blood......

FLASHBACK

Lizzie stood at the foot of William's bed he looked so happy so peaceful. She wondered how that felt. She had not felt that way in so long.

Quietly she walked out of the room and down the hallway. She opened the door to Spike's old room and saw Dawnie asleep in the bed. She smiled down at the sister she loved and adored. Vowing to herself she would always be protected and safe.

"You'll always feel safe, I promise. Safe and loved." She thought.

She walked over to her sister's sleeping form and kissed her on her forehead careful not to wake her.

Lizzie stopped in front of Spike's mirror. Pictures of the two of them covered it. Lyrics to songs he was writing about her. Songs he never got to finish... then the sadness swept over her as he realized again the songs will never be complete.

She went back into William's room, walked over to his bed and put an envelope down on the pillow next to his head.

She kissed him on the cheek and whispered.

"I love you too."

Taking one last look at him she crawled out the window and down the trellis.
Lizzie stood in her bathroom watching the mirror fog over with steam. She watched as the mirror blurred and as she lost her reflection in the mist.

She walked over to the tub turning off the water. Then she turned on the radio above her head.

"There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
Maybe I'm just blind..."

She sat on the floor arranging the pictures. They all sat in beautiful frames and picked by Lizzie. Pictures of the people she loved most in this world.

In a gold antique looking frame, her mother, herself and Dawnie the day they moved to Sunnydale. They were all so happy. So excited about their new life and the new journey

"So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone"

Lizzie touched the frame of the second one. The two families in The Giles's back yard during a Fourth Of July picnic. Since the Summer's women moved to Sunnydale all of the family pictures were of the two families combined. They stopped distinguishing themselves as two family units long ago. All of them were laughing. Dawnie and Lizzie were making faces at the camera. The adults laughed Spike had his arms wrapped around Lizzie and William was pretending to ride on Dawnie's back. The boys holding the girls. A testament to their relationship. The boys so fiercely protective of The Summer's sisters. Everyone knew that. For a moment Lizzie felt happy.

"Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone..."

In another frame was a simple plastic friend with huge blue bubble words across the bottom that said BEST FRIENDS a picture of her on William's shoulders. They had just came back from the hardware store. The two teens decided to hang a swing from a large limb on the tree in The Summer's front yard for Dawnie. Mimicking there Christmas tree adventure Lizzie climbed on Williams shoulders. Jenny happened to be out taking pictures of the sunny day. She had gotten the kids attention and snapped a picture.

"When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone"

The last one brought tears to her eyes.

In a platinum heart shaped frame was one of Spike and herself. It was taken at school by Willow. Spike had Buffy sideways in his lap. It was the day after he gave her the dolphin ring. Both of them still reeling from the love they shared the night before. Spike had kissed her neck making Lizzie look down at him.

"I love you for eternity, Lizzie." He whispered.

"I love you beyond anything." She whispered back.

At that moment Willow took the picture. Both Spike and Lizzie agreed it was their favorite picture of the two of them. Even though at this point there were thousands of them everywhere. This was their special one.

"So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone..."

Everything hurt so much, nothing felt real anymore. Two thoughts consumed her. She heard in her head.

"Ms. Summers we are not sure Dawn would be safe in your presence for the time being."

Make sure Dawnie is safe....

She heard Spike say in her head

"Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion."
He whispered

Lizzie shut her eyes.

The song in the back ground began to fade away...

"Love me when I'm gone..."

Lizzie barely remembered what she did next. She looked down into the water her wrist floating in it turning the water pink and then red. Blood spilling from her wrist.

"Make sure Dawnie is safe...." She whispered.

"Love me when I'm gone..."

Lizzie dropped the razor blade from the other hand. She looked at the picture of her and Spike.

"Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion."
She said quietly.

She the last thing she looked at was the picture of her and William.

"I'm sorry Will, take care of her. You're the strong one. I love you." She whispered.

Lizzie continued to focus on the picture of William. He had been her strength for so long she wanted his face to be the last she saw.

Slowly her eyes drift shut. The last lines of the song played.

"Love me when I'm gone..
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone...."

(end of flashback)

Buffy bolted up in the bed and screamed. She jumped out of bed trying to shake the images out of her mind.

Spike ran into the room flanked by two minions. He saw her cowering in the corner rocking back and forth. Covering her head with her arms.

Spike shot a deadly glare at his followers.

"Leave us, now!" He screamed.

The minions left the room.

Spike walked over to her. Buffy looked up at him and reached for him her arms shaking.

"The pictures make then go away! Make them go away Daddy." She cried.

Spike gathered a shaking Buffy in his arms. He tried to hide his fear. His own pain.

"Daddy's got you." He said with tears starting to show in his eyes.

Buffy looked down at her wrist a large leather band was tied tight around it. She had to see. Buffy clawed at the band.

Spike tried to hold her hand so she wouldn't see.

"Princess No!" He pleaded

It was too late the band slipped off.

She saw it.

Three slashes vertically down her wrist.

She looked up at Spike her eyes became clear for a moment.

"Spike, what did I do?" She cried. Spike realized thst she had called him 'Spike' instead of 'Daddy'.

Spike began to cry with her rocking her back and forth.

"It's o.k. Lizzie." He whispered.

"I got you..."