Replacement by sus

Author: sus
Summary: They were meant to be. The council thought they knew better than The Powers, as well as her friends. An enemy from the future changes the past.
Author's Note:
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Violence, Adult Language, Sexual Situations


Chapter 9: Replacement

When they emerged, Buffy breathed in deeply. "Fresh air. Strange, I don’t remember it being this good, even for a big city like L.A.."

"How do you know it’s L.A., we're in?" Merrick asked her.

She just nodded to the newsstand they had just passed at the end of the alley, from where they came.

"Oh, time has made you a lot smarter. When we first met, you were a cheerleader and an air head. Hopefully, with time, I will get used to the knowledge Buffy."

She blushed from his praise. "You have changed a lot too." She had a teasing look about her. "Not so stuffy."

"I’ll take that as a compliment," he said laughing.

"Where’re we going?"

"To Caritas." He didn’t look at her, on purpose. "I think you’ll like to clean up a bit before we continue to Sunnydale."

"I just need that sweater, then I’m good to go."

"I don’t think so, Buffy." His eyes were fixed straight ahead.

"Huh. What do you mean?"

He looked embarrassed. His cheeks a little pink. "I’m sorry. Then I’ll have to spell it out. I know it has been a long time, but you should still know what a mirror is."

"You mean I look bad?" She stopped, to look into a shop-window. Her mouth and eyes opened wide. With a bump the box, she carried was on the pavement. A hand flew to cover her mouth. The other for her hair. "Why didn’t you say something before?" She turned reproachful eyes to Merrick.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t think you cared." They started walking again. This time a little faster.

"I didn’t, before we came here. I haven’t thought about clothes or hair in a long time. First I didn’t care, and then it became harder to get clothes, and what else I needed for my hygiene. Not that I cared much. After a time, the only thing you care about, is getting food and water. For drinking mind you, not for washing. There wasn’t much."

She was trying to lift an arm and smell herself, while carrying the box with the satchel and the bag on top. "Yeak, I smell," she whined. "Let's get a move on." She had noticed the people turning and staring at her. With the speed they now walked, it didn’t take them long to walk the remaining distance to Caritas. The knock on the door to Caritas sounded loud in Buffy’s ears.

Lorne opened the door. "Ah, there you are. I have been expecting you. Welcome to Caritas, Eternal One." He opened the door as wide as it could go. He swept his arm out and bowed. "My home is your home."

"Thank you, Lorne." She felt strange, not used to be treated as royalty. "Call me Buffy, please."

"Thank you, Buffy. What can I help you with?" Lorne asked excited.

"Hmm. I.. I." Buffy didn’t know how to ask to borrow his shower.

"May I?" Merrick looked at Buffy.

She nodded grateful to Merrick.

Merrick turned to Lorne. "Could you put us up for a couple of days?"

"Yes, of course. This way. Anything else you need?" He led them to a hidden door by the bar.

"Maybe later." Buffy looked at Lorne. "Do you know of a job around here?"

"Maybe I’m being too frank, but why does The Eternal One need a job?" Lorne asked concerned.

Buffy looked embarrassed down. "I need some money to buy some things. Personal things."

"I’ll be delighted to help you out with anything you need. If you’ll make a list?"

"Are you sure? It could be expensive," Buffy informed Lorne.

"I can afford it. It’s my club."

"I’ll pay you back." They smiled and nodded in agreement.

"Is there anything you need right now?"

She smiled apologizing. "I think I’m really in the need of a shower and a change of clothes." She wrinkled up her nose. Her stomach rumbled. She blushed again.

Lorne laughed. "Let's start with clothes. A former employed left a tracksuit when she stopped here. You can have that. There are soap and shampoo in the shower stall. While you shower, I’ll order food. What do you want?"

"Hmm. Could I get a pizza?"

"What topping?"

"Pepperoni."

"I’ll order it in a minute. First, this room is yours for as long as you wish." He went into the room and opened a door to the left and took a look around the bathroom. "I’ll get you some towels." He was back shortly. "Here you go." He laid the towels on the sink. "How hungry are you? I can order the food right away or wait?"

"Could you wait, half an hour?" She was looking at her feet again.

He nodded. "See you downstairs when you are done."

"Now for you, Mr. Merrick. Do you need a place to sleep?"

"If it’s not too much trouble?"

"Not at all." He opened the next door. "What can I get you to eat?"

"I don’t need to eat or drink...This time around."

"I see. Do you want a shower too?"

"No thanks. I was there just as long as it took to persuade Buffy to come with me."

Lorne nodded. "Then you might want to join me downstairs for a drink?" He held his hand up to stop Merrick from talking. "I know you don’t need to drink, but can’t you enjoy the flavor?"

Merrick smiled broadly. "I’ll join you for a drink, if you tell me why you're calling Buffy The Eternal One?"

"She's immortal." He shrugged. It didn’t take long for Lorne to serve their drinks. After their first taste Lorne asked: "So what’s the matter with Buffy?"

"Nothing as far as I know," Merrick answered Lorne's question.

"You know I can read people. I get the best result when they sing, but I can read them without songs, especially if it’s strong." He took a sip of his drink. "In the hallway she was very ill at ease. Why was she?"

Merrick thought a little about how much he should tell Lorne about the other time line. "She told me a little on the way here. First off, she’s not used to the company. She was alone, most of the time. That changes people profoundly. Secondly, in the other time line there was a shortage on everything. Food, water, clothes and medicine. You name it, and there was a shortage of it. She even burned the furniture to keep warm. She’s used to take care of herself. It’s hard for her to accept help. You saw her. What she has on is practically what she got. She brought a little underwear and a shirt. She will need to go shopping, today."

"You’re afraid she won’t take my help?

"Yes, she’s proud."

Lorne smiled assuring to him. "We’ll find a solution." They talked about a lot of things, almost forgetting the time. The pizza hadn’t arrived yet when she joined them. Her hair was still wet from the shower, but now when the dirt was out of it, it was shining. Her skin pale. Her clothes hung on her. You could easily see that she hadn’t been eating more than just what she needed to survive. The first thing she said was: "Has the food arrived?"

"On its way, sunshine, take a seat." Lorne served her a coke. There was a knock on the door. The pizza had arrived. She ate it all and drank a second coke. Both men were watching her, smiling. After she was done, she looked up. She then closed her eyes, her face turned crimson. "Oh.. my god. I’m sorry. I’m a pig. You didn’t get any."

"Don’t worry, Buffy. Merrick doesn't eat, and I had just finished breakfast when you came."

She looked doubtful, at him.

"I get up late." He shrugged. "Let’s go, girl." Lorne grabbed Buffy's hand. "See you in a while, Merrick."

"Where are we going?" She reluctantly allowed Lorne to drag her out of the club.

"We are going shopping." He told her. "First we’ll go to a hairdresser."

"No.. no I don’t have any money." Lorne couldn't pull her any longer. She was too strong.

"Let me treat you." He smiled at her. "I just want the bragging rights to call you my friend, please." He looked begging at her.

She couldn’t say no. He was so sweet. I've always liked him. He was so kind to me when we passed through L.A., when Sunnydale was gone. I think he saw my sadness of losing Spike. It was also him that contacted me after he fled from the fight in L.A, as soon as he found and stopped the spell that was placed on him. They didn't talk about the spell or who had done it. They both knew who and why.

"Okay, Lorne, but I want to pay you back."

"We’ll see about that, sweetness. Now it’s shopping time." She giggled at his enthusiasm.

The hairdresser suggested that they cut her hair into a shorter style, it wasn't in with long hair. Buffy declined. She had it trimmed and bleached. While that happened, they had a manicure. They laughed and joked around so much that the other costumers were staring at them.

Then they turned their eyes to clothes. She found several pieces she liked. She went to try them on. Before she closed the curtain, Lorne stepped up to her and shoved at least ten pieces of clothes into her arms. She shook her head, but Lorne just closed the curtain, and told her he expected to see every piece. He would be waiting, right outside. A few minutes later she stepped out wearing the first dress, pouting.

They used over an hour in the shoe shop. There was also a bag with perfume, creams and so on. They were loaded with bags when they arrived back at the Caritas. There was one bag that stood out. It was from a biker shop. Merrick asked about it. She placed her bags on a table, picked out the bag he had asked about and took it over to where he sat.

"Do you think they would recognize me in this?" She took a sweater over her head, pulled the hood down in front of her face. She could barely see.

"No, I don’t think so." He got up and walked around her. "It’s not noticeable that you are a woman. You look like a short man with a big upper body."

"Thank you, Merrick. Just what I wanted." She hugged him. She could see it surprised him, but he was her friend. Her only friend except Lorne, but he was almost like a girlfriend, after their day out shopping. "Could we stay here a couple of days? Like a mini vacation."

"If Lorne doesn't mind?" He looked over at Lorne.

"Not at all. It’s good with some company. Maybe I can get you to sing tonight." He laughed at her shocked expression. "Or maybe not. You’ll have to excuse me. I have to get ready for tonights guests. If you don’t want to be in here tonight, there is a little TV room in the back opposite Merrick's room." Lorne got up and went to unlock the door. "My staff will be here shortly."

"Maybe we should go see some TV, Merrick. I think Lorne is afraid that I’ll slay his guests." She giggled on the way out of the room. Thinking about Lorne’s embarrassed face.

Later they went out to get something to eat with the money Lorne had handed to Merrick. Over dinner, they talked about what to do when they came to Sunnydale.

Buffy dropped the last chicken wing on her plate, pushed it a little into the middle of the table. "So we find a hotel room, where I’ll wait while you go tell Giles that I’m in town. Find out when they want to close the rift to the changeling’s."

"And then what?" Merrick asked.

"Then we’ll see. You have to be flexible. Maybe Giles will ask something. Maybe he won’t be alone. There can happen all sorts of things."

"I know you would like to stay on, a little longer with Lorne. However, I think we need to get a move on tomorrow. Get the show on the road."

She pouted. "I like it here. I want to stay."

Merrick smiled. "I know you do, but you can come back later. When we have settled things in Sunnydale."

"I know I have to go." She fumbled with her teaspoon. "I’m just scared."

Merrick was waiting for her to continue. She didn’t. "What are you afraid of?"

She looked at him with those sad eyes, she had displayed all the time in the other time line. "I fear being alone. I’m scared that Spike won’t love me. I think about losing him to death. About maybe he’s better off with Drusilla his sire, at least he would be alive. I can’t go through it again, of losing him, if I get him." Her eyes were shining brightly with unshed tears.

"As you said just a minute ago: There can happen all sorts of things. And I have promised you my support. So let's go to Sunnydale, and see what happens. We’ll act on that. A deal?" He reached his hand out for her to shake. "You can only try to do your best." After a little hesitation she took his hand.

"So we'll go tomorrow!" she confirmed. Slumping down in her chair.

"Bright and early. Don’t want to be mistaken for a vampire, being dead you know. Sunshine would be a plus, when I turn up at your former watcher’s doorstep." They couldn't help laughing when they imagined Giles’ face, when he saw his dead old friend on his doorstep. Sunshine was definitely a good thing.

They talked some more, later that night they decided that they would wait to rent a room. Save their money. As Buffy said: Giles had a spare room. He might offer it.

Buffy had the window seat on the bus ride. I remember Sunnydale like it was yesterday I was here last, not so many years ago. Some places in Sunnydale I remember with absolute clarity, others are foggy. Some I don’t want to remember. And then there are those I wish I could remember better. Right now I have one wish. That I wasn’t so scared. My hands are shaking. It has to stop. She rubbed her hands over her face in intense irritation with herself.

I’m not used to being this scared. I’m scared that they’ll try to take over my life again. Making me a slave to them. Doing what they desire me to do. I’m scared that I can’t stand up to them. For a moment, she concentrated on relaxing, to stop shaking.

Merrick laid a hand on top of hers. She looked up, met his eyes, and remembered. I’m not alone, and I have changed, changed a lot. I’m my own woman. I can say no to them. She breathed, a sigh of relief. Everything will be okay.

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Shortly after the knock, the door opened. "It’s me Giles. Hope you don’t mind that I went strait in?"

"No, that makes it easier on me." Joyce went past him with a teapot. "Come into the living room. Willow has arrived."

"Hi, Giles," Willow greeted him.

"Willow, how are you today?" Giles’ glasses were already off his face. "You're early."

"Yes, Joyce told me you would be here early. I wanted to speak with you, about getting Buffy’s soul back into her body. Here." She wanted to hand him a book. "It’s a spell to bring her soul back." Giles didn’t take the book. "I’ll help you with the spell, but you have to do it. I can only float a pencil."

Giles sighed heavy. "I wish that it was that easy. But no, Willow. We can’t"

"Why can’t we do it? Are you not powerful enough?"

"It’s not about power, Willow." While he was polishing his glasses, he tried to find a way to explain to Willow why it wouldn’t be a good idea. "Who do you love most in this world, Willow?"

"I don’t understand what that has to do with anything?"

"Just humor me." His glasses were on again. Now that he had found a way to explain it to Willow.

She blushed. "Oz."

"Would you give up Oz for Buffy’s soul?"

"What? Oz would never leave me."

"I’m not talking about Oz leaving. I’m talking about Oz dying, as payment for Buffy’s soul."

"No.. no, they can’t do that." Willow was frenzy shaking her head.

"If we do get Buffy’s soul back from heaven, that's what will happen!" A mask of sadness fell on his face. "And if we got her back she would be damaged. She might not survive for long."

"Damaged? How do you mean?" Willow wanted to know. She wouldn’t give up.

"It’s heaven, Willow. It's properly very peaceful. To come from heaven to earth, would definitely be hell for her. She would want to go back to heaven. It has happened ones before, from what I have read. She committed suicide."

"Oh my god." Willow's eyes were filling with tears. Joyce joined her on the couch. Putting an arm around her. They had forgotten she was there.

Giles looked flustered. "I’m sorry, Joyce. I didn’t mean for you to hear that."

"It’s okay, Giles. I needed to hear it." She smiled comforting at him.

Giles turned his attention to the crying Willow again. "Will you promise me to never try to do that?"

She nodded vigorous. "Never, Giles. I promise."

"After this, with The Light and all, I want to train you, Willow." Willow instantly lightened up. "But you have to refrain from trying all sort of magic until then." He had been right. She had played around with magic, without knowing anything about it. He could see it in her eyes. She was embarrassed to have been caught. He locked eyes with Joyce. "Now would be a good time for a cup of tea." Shortly after, the rest of their group joined them.

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"Nice little town."

Buffy looked at Merrick, as if he was something from another planet. "You know it’s right above a hell mouth, and at night you can hardly step out of your door, without risking becoming dinner for some demon."

"Didn’t mean it like that." He looked at her with a smile in his eyes. "And you know that."

She smiled back. "I do. In the sun, it seems as a perfectly nice and normal American city, where you want to raise your children."

After a while, Merrick couldn’t help it, he had to ask. "Aren’t you grateful that we left the boxes on the station? It’s quite a walk."

"No!" She pouted. "I still don’t like it. They could get stolen, or he could sell my books."

"Don’t be stupid. It’s his job. He gets paid to watch them."

"Doesn't make me like it."

"I know, Buffy. Now keep silent. We’re at Giles’ place in a few minuets. You never know who listens. If you haven’t changed your mind?" Merrick looked thoughtful at her. Trying to read her mood. I don’t think that she has overcome her fear. It’s better, but not gone. I know how hard it is for her, after what they did to her. And now she has to see them again. There is only one reason for her to be here, and that’s Spike. If he hadn't been here, I think she would have preferred to stay where she was. Hoping that one day, somebody would destroy the world. So that she finally could have her peace. He sighed. I hope she gets what she deserves. What she should have had the first time around.

Buffy pulled the hood down, as far as she could get it. Before they left her bags, she had found a couple of sweats to wear underneath. It made her more sure that they wouldn't recognize her. There was a very little chance that they could find out whether she was a woman or man. Buffy stayed in the background. Merrick knocked more than one time. "I don’t think he’s at home. Maybe we could come back later?"

"I want to get this over with before I lose my nerves. Why don’t we try finding out where he is?" Buffy asked impatiently.

"Do you have any ideas to where he could be," Merrick asked.

"Hmm, the school is out, but he could be there anyway. Let's try and call the school."

"Okay. Let's find a phone."

"There is one around the next corner," Buffy told him.

Merrick made the call, after Buffy gave him the number from memory. "No one is picking up." He hung up the phone. "What now?"

Buffy looked thoughtful. "Try Willow. Say she has an overdue library book. If she is not there, try to find out where you can get a hold of her."

He looked speculative, when he hung up the phone. "You said earlier that your mom didn’t know you are the slayer in this time line, but if Willow is at the same place as Giles, then I think she knows."

"Huh?"

"Willow should be at your moms place."

Buffy thought a little. "That’s not bad, not at all. Then I don’t have to tell her."

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Spike had tried to convince Drusilla to leave Sunnydale behind. He had hoped that if they skipped town, all would turn back to normal.

What he hadn't counted on was that Drusilla had refused to leave. She said that she was waiting for her daddy. Spike tried patiently to get her to understand that Angel had a soul now. He wouldn’t come. Nothing helped. Dru insisted on staying. Spike stayed too. He had nowhere to go, had never been away from Dru. He hoped that with time she would return to him.