Subject: [DarkSlash] Bedlam Cats: Greg the Bunny Arrives (Buffy/Greg the Bunny C/O) Date: Sat, 01 Mar 2003 07:48:34 -0000 From: "sycoraxil " Summary: Once upon a time, there was a small black and white witch's familiar, Miss Kitty Fantastico, and a slightly scruffy but brave zombie tomcat, named Patches. Feline hormones and negligent wiccan cat owning persons meant pregnancy and childbirth for Kitty and Patches, who raised five vampire kittens to adulthood. Well, they're very much cats of the world now. Just not the waking world. Disclaimer: Miss Kitty Fantastico used to be a peripheral feline character on S5 Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, her ex-kittens were my own idea. The late Patches appeared in S2's "Dead Man's Party," where Oz named him after he was reanimated by a zombie mask. Greg the Bunny was an alternative puppet show where Seth Green played Jimmy Bender. Again, no profit intended, fan interpretation. As for the B***ies, this is a reference to a seventies sitcom that has been sent up in at least two movies, and which causes intense feelings of revulsion and terror in any adult survivor of the seventies. At least three B***ies were horribly staked to death in the making of this fic! Carmilla signalled to Claudia to watch as the somewhat tousled looking children's puppet character entered the Bronze Nohumans Annex. She gamefaced to vamp, as her sister joined her. Okay, they both hoped that this wouldn't be a prelude to another attack of plot bunnies, which had resulted in the appearance of their incredibly annoying sibling. Or it could be something else altogether, given the fact that fabricants were supposed to have no independent existence. And why did that shaveheaded human who hung around with that scraggly thing down there look so much like Oz-human when not in lyco form? Claudia and Carmilla sat down on opposite sides of the bunny, who gulped: "Er, hi, ladies. Look, I'm not particularly good to eat." "We noticed. And don't worry, we're not into sawdust and cloth stuffing. You're not connected to Velveteen Rabbit's Bondage Bunny Emporium, are you? Carm'a and I were really shocked when we heard about that." "Your human is too, apparently. Incidentally, why does he look so much like a human friend of ours, who is a rock musician in a local band? And the son of a bald genius mad scientist who we keep reading about in the human newspapers, who battles a secret agent with awful clothes, bad teeth and utter sexist taste in women?" Carmilla asked. "Yeah, I wondered that too." Claudia leant forward: "Look, this town has problems with plot bunnies. They're stupid, they keep burrowing around poking their annoying little noses and causing all sorts of continuity glitches. You aren't related, are you?" At that moment, there was a resounding crash, as the nonhuman joint bar owner cried: "No! Not the front window again!" It was Lestat, the third of the quintet, and he was cathandling a hideous golden haired moppet type creature who had hair of gold, like its mother, a youngest one, in curls. Greg the Bunny quavered as the gamefaced little creature lisped evilly back at them: "This is supposed to be the story of a lovely vampire lady, who is bringing up three permanently vampiric grrls. All of us have mmmffff..." Lestat leapt back and bit at its throat, as the evil sprog threw him off her, and got up. Carmilla and Claudia shared pensive glances. Puzzled, Greg asked: "Uh, hello? Is that a..." "B***y? Or plural, one of the B***ies? Yes, exactly. Some utterly, utterly evil vamp went around putting the bite on these hackneyed seventies characters who used to have their own television series. And they're trying to infest Sunnydale. Lestat? Want help?" Lestat produced a large toothpick and leapt onto the ringletted rotter, and dispatched her with a thrust to her former heart. Abruptly, another figure appeared, droning on about Martians, martians and more martians. As she was giving a bad name to mad vampires, particularly in those awful seventies clothes, Carmilla and Claudia joined the fray and sprung at her, with their own small but perfectly formed swords at their disposal. Then there was a third, male, in hideous flares, lurid and garish polyester shirt, and platform shoes. Lestat staked him before he could get to the karaoke machine: "I thought they'd all been wiped out when the P*******e Family and them mixed it in that gang rumble." "Louie?" Their respectable sibling padded in, with a contract in his teeth: "What is it?" "The human characters are refusing to associate with these specified crossover slash areas. Unfortunately, we aren't included." "I see what you mean. Gimme Gimme Gimme, a BBC horror show with two ghastly demons who inhabit a flat inside which no male being is safe from their hideous lust-crazed advances..." "Huh!!! They survived, I got cancelled! Bloody networks." "Bunny? Will you join we five Bedlam Cats in our crusade to rid the cosmos of annoying redundant television obscenities from the past and present who threaten everyone's lunch and aesthetic taste. Apart from a certain Los Angeles vamp, who has none?" I hrd tht, Angel texted. "Yeah, okay. Hmm. Bedlam Cats offsider. Hey, if the humans are Scoobies, then does that make us..." "According to our mother, Josie and the Pussycats. Except Claws and I can't work out which of us is supposed to be Josie these days..." "Welcome onboard, fabricant friend." Louie offered his paw, which Greg shook. Next: Gimme Gimme Gimme. The Bedlam Cats take on the obscene Lindydemon and her horrendous stereotype-of-death gay flatmate, Tommm. See why the Buffy humans refuse to do crossovers with them... Advance R-85 Warning.