Subject: [OTL]: [Summers Family (mostly Rachel)] The Battle of Who Could Care Less Date: Sat, 13 May 2000 14:47:40 -0700 From: Trumpetlee@aol.com Disclaimer: Okay, They're Marvel's. He's mine. Hands is Jewel. Lumber Jack Song is Monty Python. Closing Time is Semi-Sonic. Angel is Sarah Mclachlan's. Fight For Your Right is Beastie Boys. End of The World is REM. Play That Funky Music is Wild Cherry. Piano Man is Billy Joel. 1 Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces is Ben Folds Five. Semi-Charmed Life is Third Eye Blind. The Battle of Who Could Care Less is Ben Folds Five. The Battle of Who Could Care Less. :Lee Tybird. Munch, munch, munch. There they go again. They might as well wake up the dead, screaming like that. It's only seven in the morning, too. Wonder what it's about this time. Oh, there goes Mom again. Madelyn this, and Madelyn that. Why can't they just let it go? The poor woman is dead. She can't hurt anyone anymore. You have to wonder if it was her fault. I mean, maybe it was Dad's fault. Mom seems to think so. I know! I'll get a song stuck in my head! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves. I know a song that... isn't drowning screaming out. This sucks. And there it is. Nate. I love Nate. Leave him out of it! He didn't do anything to you. I wish he were up. Nate would go in there and shoot them both. Stun, of course, but it would shut them up, at least for a few hours. Let's try another song... um... My hands are- no... I'm a Lumber- no... Closing time, open all the- no... In the arms of the angel fly a- grr! This is not working!!! Oh, no. Not that. Anything but that. Come on!! Leave me out of this!! Fight about... I dunno, food, or something!! Come on, what did I ever do to you? Well, besides the peanut butter! It was a joke, anyway! Just don't fight about me. Fight about... about Logan! No... wait, bad idea. Just fight about ANYTHING BUT ME!!! Don't put me in the middle! LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!! You gotta fight! For your right! To paaaaaaar-no... It's the end of the world, as we know it- bad song to sing. Don't sing that... There was a funky singer, playing in a rock and roll band- no... It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in- no... too depressing... September '75 I was 47 inches high; my mom said by Christmas I would have a bad-ass- SHUT UUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!! Can't you hear that I'm trying to drown you out? Come on, Mom, you're a goddamned telepath! Why don't you just get divorced all ready?! Do the whole mansion a HUGE favor! If Dad sleeps on the couch every night, and Mom sleeps in the bed, and all they ever do is fight, they're practically divorced anyway, so why not do the whole universe a BIG favor, and make it official?! ... Why do I want my parents to get a divorce? Don't think. Just eat your stupid breakfast, and try and sing more. That's right. Munch, munch, munch, Rachel. Don't even let this get to you. It's silly- What the hell?! Did he just say why I think he just said?! NOW they're fighting about Logan. Wonderful. PERFECT. I want something else, to get me through this, semi-charmed kinda life. Babay, babay- Nope. No good... Do you neeeeveeeeer rest. Fighting the battle of who could care less! Uuuuunearned, unhaaaaaapineeeeeeess. Well, that's alright, I guess... That's it! Woohoo! Thank you Ben Folds Five!! I've gooooot this great idea. Why don't we pitch it to the Franklin fuckin mint? Fine pewter portraits, of General Apathy. And major boredom singing. Whatever and ever, amen... Okay, this isn't working anymore. Shut up... Stop fighting... Okay, that's it. If you don't shut up, I'm gonna scream really loud. And you're not going to like it. Okay, have it your way! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! And of course, there's no reaction. There never is. They just keep going. And now I have a sore throat. Shit! All that for no reaction and a sore throat. Of course, they could care less. Huh. Fighting the battle of who could care less. Ben Folds is a genius. I get up and push in my chair; I walk out of the room. ...That's all right, I guess...