Disclaimer: Not mine, Marvel's no money etc etc...

NOTE: This version of Excalibur is from Lee's own Alt-Excalibur fanfic series, which should explain any oddities in the line-up.

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In a Dimension not so far away...

"Okay, Doug," said Kitty Pryde. "I'm gonna hand you my string of lights."

"And I connect it with mine."

"Right."

Doug Ramsey connected the two strings of lights, and electricity coursed through his body. "AH!!!"

"Doug?!!!"

He fell to the ground, letting go of the string of lights they had just finished wrapping the tree in. It was quite beautiful. Brighter than the average tree lights.

Doug looked up at Kitty in a daze. "Is it Christmas yet, Mommy?"

An Hour Later; the couch in the sitting room...

"Nice going, Slick," Illyana Rasputin muttered.

Doug shrugged. "So there was a little too much power in those lights. At least they look pretty."

Pete Wisdom rolled his eyes. "Couldn't ya just leave 'em the way they were?"

Doug shook his head. "Where's the fun in that?"

Pete whapped himself in the head with his hand. "Yer nuts."

"Hey," Doug protested. "You're the one hitting yourself in the head with your hand."

"Will he be all right?" Meggan asked Kitty.

Kitty snickered. "I think he'll be just fine."

Doug nodded. "I think you're right. Unless I'm the only one seeing killer bunny rabbits sitting on Illyana's shoulders at the moment."

They all stared at him in shock.

"I'm kidding!!"

That evening...

"Mmmmm, eggnog..."

"You sound like Homer Simpson," Kitty giggled at her best friend. Illyana smirked as she sipped her eggnog. Kitty then looked over at Pete to see him chugging his eggnog. "Oh, god."

"Look out," Doug cried. "Wisdom's got eggnog, and he knows how to use it."

Pete stopped, and put his cup down. His upper lip was covered in eggnog.

"Lovely mustache, Pete," Amanda snickered. "I didn't know you could grow them as fast as Kurt grew his goatee."

He raised an eyebrow, then wiped his mouth on his shirt sleeve.

Kitty sighed. "One really begins to wonder what the hell goes through your head, Pete."

After lighting the Hanukah Menorah, and dinner...

It was interesting, Illyana would give them that. She was the only one sober, because she was the one who'd spiked eggnog. Now, she watched as Doug, Pete and Kurt stood up singing the Chipmunks' Christmas song, hands on each others' shoulders, staggering more than swaying from side to side.

"Want a plane that loops the loop..."

"I still want a hula hoop!"

"We can hardly stand the wait, please Christmas don't be late!!"

Illyana laughed so hard, she fell out of her chair. "What a great idea this was. I think this is the best Christmas eve I've ever had."

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Brian from the kitchen. "WE RAN OUT OF EGGNOG!!"

"Oh no!" Meggan cried.

Kitty drunkenly got to her feet. "C'mon, Pete. Let's go see if there's some booze anywhere else."

"Yeah," Pete smiled. "Yana, wot you spike it with?"

Illyana blinked. "You knew it was spiked?"

"Course I knew!" Pete cried, almost falling over. "I've been drinkin' since I was fifteen! I've been spikin shit since I was ten! I'm an expert!"

"If you must know," Illyana replied indignantly. "It was a mix of whisky and sake."

"Christ!" Pete cried. "Bugger that. Let's go find some wine, Pryde."

"Kay."

"Think it's in the cellar," Doug yelled after them as they walked away. "Level before the lab!"

"Thank you!"

And in the cellar...

"Pete, I think I see it!"

Pete looked up. "Where?"

"Top shelf," Kitty replied. "Gimme a boost."

He nodded and grabbed her foot as she gave it to him. She missed when she tried to grab the shelf to climb, knocking Pete to the floor, and falling on top of him. He blinked. "This looks f'miliar. Why do I still 'ave me clothes on?"

Kitty gave him a dazed smile, and wiggled her eyebrows. She got up, and helped Pete to his feet. She began to climb the shelf, but slipped and fell straight into Pete's arms. She smirked evilly at him. "If I miss again, we ferget the booze and christen the basement."

Pete looked confused. "Wot did we 'christen' last year?"

"Umm...I think it was...god, I can't remember if we christened the kitchen last year, or last night!"

Pete laughed, and gave her another boost. She finally was able to grab the bottle. When they got down and looked at it, they snickered. Alas, for it was sparkling cider.

They glanced at each other, then the bottle, then back at each other.

"Close enough!"

Kitty threw the bottle, loosened Pete's tie, and the rest, as they say, was history.

Doug stumbled after Illyana to the kitchen. "I'm right, y'know. I'm gonna win!"

"I don't wanna think about it!" Illyana cried. "That's almost as bad as thinking about Piotr getting some!"

"Hey guys," Kitty giggled. She tried to put on her right sock as she tripped up the stairs from the cellar. Her hair was disheveled, and her clothing was wrinkled.

Pete followed her, shirt half buttoned, and half tucked into his pants. Parts of his green and yellow boxers stuck out where his shirt wasn't tucked in.

"Yana," Doug smirked. "Ten bucks, please."

"I understand that you're excited, Amanda. I know you love holidays...but please, don't wrap me in the Christmas lights!!!"

Amanda looked back at Kurt. He was, in fact tied to the tree. The group had decided that, after they sobered a little, they were going to redo the Christmas tree decorations. Doug decided that he'd best just watch, and so the rest of the team trimmed.

"Sorry, Fuzzy."

"Hmmm..." muttered Pete. "If we tie the lights round Wagner, an turn 'em on like Doug did, maybe we'll have fried elf for Christmas -- OW! Kitty! Don't hit me!"

Kitty rolled her eyes as she and Illyana hung up some of the decorations.

"What do we use for the top?" asked Meggan.

"A beer bottle!" Pete suggested. "That's wot we did at the Crown every year."

They all stared at him, and Pete lowered is head and muttered something that sounded like, "Shit."

After the tree was done, they all sat at the kitchen table.

"What a night," Doug sighed. "Between Yana getting us all drunk, and getting electrocuted, I'm beat."

Kitty drank some of her coffee. "Yeah. It's been quite a night."

Pete smirked at her.

"Stop that," Illyana said firmly. "You guess are so bad, and in the cellar, too!"

Pete shrugged. "We were pissed up. Wot you want?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "So, do you think Herr Santa will show up?"

Pete snorted sarcastically.

"He's a mean one, Mister Grinch!" Doug sang. Meggan, Illyana, Kitty and Amanda joined in, as Pete lit up a cigarette and rolled his eyes.

That's when they heard a thud, and some rustling.

Pete and Doug rushed over to the window, and opened it. They looked up to see deer. That's right, deer. More precisely, reindeer.

They heard another thud from the sitting room, and then steps on the roof.

Pete stuck the upper half of his body out of the open window. "OI!!! GET THOSE BLOODY DEER OFF THE FRIGGIN ROOF!! THIS AIN'T NO )(@$!*% PARKING LOT, Y'KNOW!!"

And inside the Muir Island Medical Research Station, the members of Excalibur sighed, and rolled their eyes, and did the other things they normally do when Peter Wisdom did something extremely weird.

Pete brought himself back inside, and looked at his teammates. "Wot? Wot I do?"

Meggan sighed. "Oh well. Um... Happy holidays, everyone..."

 

 

The End