This story takes place shortly after the season finale of season 5, after the Glory storyline. It is the sixth in the "Spike & Cerberus" series. It is a nod to the movie Mindwalk, which was basically a 2-hour long philosophical discussion about history, physics, and the environment. I swear this story has a lot more action than that! It's just that this story is meant to make you think too, about the nature of life, death, and souls. And if you ever get a chance, check out that movie-- I know it sounds dull, but it made me think, still effects me to this day even, and taught me a lot about physics in layman's terms... And if you have a problem with Lydia being so knowledgable for her age, chalk it up to the racial memory of werewolves :P ...

The club was packed when Spike and his canine companion came in. He felt a surge of pride, thinking everyone had come there to see him, but the sound of music from the stage reminded him that he wasn't the only act. He scanned the crowd for the familiar head of short-cropped black hair and found it towards the stage. He swaggered over to the man's table and plopped down unceremoniously on a chair next to him. Angel smiled over his Bloody Mary.

"I don't recall inviting you to sit down, youngster."

"Sorry, gramps, but you know 'ow impetuous we rowdy youth are, 'ey?"

Angel gave Cerberus a thorough scratching behind the ears. "Hiya, boy! Awww, yer such a good doggie, yes you are!"

"C'mon, then, don't spoil 'im. Cerberus, go in back now, you know you ain't allowed in here..."

The dog ignored his master in favor of the attentions of the other vamp.

"Cerberus..." Spike warned him in a no-nonsense tone.

The dog stopped his happy panting, staying wide-eyed and perfectly still for a moment. Then he bolted, yipping, for backstage.

Both vamps stared nonplussed at the dog's retreat. Spike straightened his shirt. "Well, I... guess I told 'im..."

His eyes changed focus from the curtain behind the stage to the figure on it. It was a girl, eighteenish, with a thick, raven-black, waist-length mane. She sang very well, even if it wasn't the sort of music Spike preferred. She was doing a cover of "Cherish", singing to what Spike assumed was a karaoke recording. She looked familiar somehow, but he was also sure he didn't know her. Maybe he's seen her in passing in the club before. He thought she had a strange fur stole over her shoulder, until he saw it twitch. It was a rabbit. A LIVE one. Or rather, an undead one. Now he remembered who she was.

He also knew why Cerberus had bolted.

Not long ago he had met the girl in question at this very club. She was a werewolf, out seeking revenge against the vamp who'd turned her familiar. Unfortunately, Angel had beaten her to the punch. She was amiable enough about it, but her rabbit had not been so forgiving. When they met up again, the vicious bunny had given the poor pup a nasty chomp in the nose, a la Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Spike saw another familiar face out of the corner of his eye, a flash of red at the table next to them that turned out to be Willow's old flame, Oz.

Spike was wary of a confrontation, but since Angel sat closer to the boy, Oz saw him first and said a friendly hello. Then Oz noticed Spike, but to the vamp's relief, he didn't flip out. He instead quite casually asked Angel, "So, you Angelus again, or did HE get a soul?"

Spike remembered that the wolf-boy was very easygoing about anything, although by his scent he didn't seem to be on any drugs. He decided it was probably a necessity, keeping calm so he didn't "wolf out". Maybe he could take lessons...

Angel laughed. "No, and not exactly. Let's just say that Buffy touched a lot of lives..." The smile stayed, but turned melancholy.

Oz sensed the gray cloud that seemed to come over the two vamps. "She's gone, isn't she?"

Angel only nodded, but Spike stared at Oz.

As if he could read minds, Oz told him, "I've been all over, learning about different philosophies, different ways to meditate and become one with everything. You might say I've gained a sixth sense of sorts."

Oh.

"You loved her too, didn't you?" Oz said it as if it were common knowledge.

Spike felt his throat tighten, and could only nod. It was getting unsettling how perceptive the boy was! Suddenly Spike wished he'd stayed home...

"H-how... how is... Willow doing?"

Spike almost felt a bit of satisfaction at seeing the wolf-boy out of sorts. Almost. But then, he knew what it was to love and not be loved back.

"She's good, mate. Was a bit hard, losing Buffy, for all of us, but Tara's helped Willow through the worst of it..." He stopped at the pain that came into Oz's eyes. "Still, might do 'er good t'see a friendly face, you should go see 'er."

The girl finished her set, and the three clapped enthusiastically, even though none of them had really been listening.

"I'm up," Oz told them, pulling his guitar out from behind the table.

The girl settled herself into the table Oz had vacated. She watched him, entranced. No doubt she knew what he was.

For his part, he seemed to be making every effort not to notice her.

When his set was done, Oz sat instead at Angel's table, while Spike went up. The girl was clearly disappointed. She was still staring at the wolfboy, Spike saw from the stage, and her rabbit seemed irked by her lack of attention.

Spike was halfway through his second set when the battle began.

It was completely without provocation. One minute the crowd was sitting peacefully, apparently enjoying the music, and the next demons from several of the tables got up and started pummeling their neighbors. Spike, for his part, managed to take down a couple before he took a hit to the back of the head. The last thing he saw before the world turned black was a pair of men towards the back, one tall and thin, the other short and stout, laughing at the carnage around them. They looked familiar...

Cerberus whined as he awoke under a table. He had run out from backstage when he saw his friend getting attacked, and set to protecting the vampman, only to find himself struck fiercely on the head by a bat and kicked viciously. He must have slid all the way under the table.

As he gathered his senses, he found he was not alone. The vampbunny was there too, staring at him with strange blue eyes. It wasn't wearing its game-face, which he remembered had gold eyes like every other vamp. He stood to face it, watching it warily. Did it want to fight or not?

**Our friends have been taken,** It informed him, its mind-voice sounding like it wasn't sure he was bright enough to understand. He bristled at that; only humans had forgotten how to mind-speak, but this creature seemed to be insinuating that dogs had as well.

Still, Cerberus was no fool.. He put aside his anger and reached out his senses. The room was deathly still, the smells of the room's former occupants made faint by their absence and the settling dust. He warily stuck his head out from under the table. Sure enough, no one was there.

He pulled his head back under and addressed the rabbit. **Do you know where?**

The rabbit's mental voice sounded astonished. **Don't you?**

The vampdog snarled, irritated. **How could I? I was unconscious! What about you? If you know, you must have been awake when they left-- why didn't you follow?**

**I wasn't awake. Like you, I got a nasty kick halfway through the battle and woke up here.** It was Cerberus's turn to be confused. **Then how do you know?**

The bunny gave a mental shrug. **The bond, of course!**

**... bond?**

The bunny huffed. **Isn't that vampman your familiar?**

**... familiar?**

Somehow the rabbit managed to give the dog an incredulous look with lapine facial features. **I had gotten the impression you were close to the man... don't dogs look at their humans as familiars? As their spiritual bond to the human race and companion in magical studies? Lydia is my familiar and I am hers. We are soul-bound. I can follow the bond to where she is.**

Cerberus felt a pang of sorrow. He had heard of such a thing, heard other dogs speaking of such bonds with awe and reverence. He thought Spike and himself were close like that, but now it sounded like he was supposed to have some psychic bond that allowed him to share the man's thoughts and feel what he felt. But the truth was, he had no idea where the man was or how he was doing...

He shook his head. It didn't matter that he wasn't Spike's familiar, he was still his friend. And he would never get the chance to try to soul-bond if he didn't find him first. **So why are you still here?** he asked the rabbit, thinking he would be off like a lightning bolt if only he knew where to go.

**I'm a little too small to be taking on all our enemies alone. Not that I think you'll be much more help, but you're something, at least. So I propose a truce. Let us put aside the natural animosities of our species, and concentrate on the fact that we are both vamps now. I drink blood just like you.**

Cerberus pranced antsily. **Just lead me to them.**

Spike groaned as he came to, his eyes focusing on the ceiling of the tent. Not this place again! Now he knew why those two men had been familiar; they were the same men who ran the demon circus and had made Spike and Cerberus their main attraction. Spike glanced around for a sign of his canine compatriot. He had to stop and close his eyes after a moment, head swimming from the effort. He hadn't seen the dog, but he did see other occupants. Angel, Oz, Lorne, and the girl performer (what had Lorne called her, Lydia?), as well as a bunch of other demons he didn't know. Besides him, only the girl seemed to be awake.

A slight rustling and a breeze from the left made open his eyes again. The ringmasters stood in front of him. The taller one spoke.

"G'd mornin', Sunshoine! 'Ow's that lovely money-makin' 'ead o' yours?"

Spike didn't grant them a reply, but stared at them blankly.

"Surely you remember us?" asked the short one.

Spike tried to lunge at them, and slammed against an invisible barrier of some sort. "Don't call me 'Shirley'," he muttered, defeated. That made his captors laugh heartily. That was good; so long as they were laughing, they probably wouldn't hit him.

"Ah, ve are so happy to have you back, comrade! And now ve have the infamous Angel, and two verevolves to boot! Now if only ve had managed to catch the wampire bunny and your doggie... Ahh, but I'm sure ve vill find dem soon enough, nyet? Dey vill come looking for deir masters, and vhen dey do..." He slapped his hands together, and he and his partner laughed cruelly. They were still laughing as they left.

Spike's heart skipped a beat, which was odd because he hadn't even noticed t start beating in the first place. Cerberus was free! He prayed to whatever might be listening that the dog stayed that way.

Lydia's thoughts echoed his own. "Nicky is still free!" she breathed. "Thank the Goddess!" She turned her head and smiled at the vamp. "Don't worry, Nicky will get us out." She laughed at the incredulous look Spike gave her, and the sound woke Oz, Angel, and Lorne. "It's the nature of a prey species to be excellent escape artists," she elaborated.

Spike sighed. "It's a good thing I'm already dead, cause I think we have a long wait ahead of us."

Lorne held a hand to his head. "How does this keep happening? The spell is supposed to kepp demons from fighting inside Caritas! I had it reinforced after the last time, too!"

"I've dealt with these blokes before," Spike told him. "They're masters at penning demons, they probably know all sorts of ways to disable shields, too."

"And as for the first time, I'd say it was a combination of the shield being weakened over time-- you do have to re-energise them now and again, you know-- and the fact that my Nicky and Spike's dog are animals."

Lorne looked puzzled. "What has that to do with anything?"

"Animals can go through the shield of a circle, because of their innocence-- I'm guessing they were able to deny the spell over your club the same way. And after they started fighting, it probably short-circuted the spell, allowing others to overcome it."

"That does it, no more livestock in the club!" Lorne muttered.

Lydia seemed to contemplate Spike for a moment. "About what you said a moment ago ... I'll never understand why vampires are referred to as being 'dead'. If you were dead, you would not be talking to me right now."

"Well fine, 'undead' then. Point is, I can't die again."

"Sure you can. Someone stakes you or you step out into sunlight or drown in a tub of holy water..."

Spike shuddered, and he felt Angel beside him do the same. There was a death he hadn't contemplated. "Yeah, but that's not the same..." Angel told the girl.

"Why not?"

"Uh, well... because..." He looked at Spike, exasperated. "Help me out, here!"

Spike shrugged. He'd never really thought about it before. "I... guess because we don't need to breathe, and our hearts don't need to beat?"

"But they CAN, right?" she asked. The vamps nodded.

"So are you alive when they do?"

The vamps blinked at each other.

"Besides, I'm sure there are some beings in the universe that live without heartbeats and breath."

"Amoeba?" Lorne offered helpfully.

Lydia nodded, smiling. "At least they don't have hearts or lungs in the normal sense, although they do 'breathe' and have circulation in an abstract fashion. But elsewhere in the universe there could be energy lifeforms that don't even do that!"

"Ok, Star Trek episodes aside, the point is that our once-human bodies no longer have to do the things that were necessary to keep them 'alive'." Spike told her, believing that settled the matter.

"Besides," Oz piped up, "in most cultures being alive means having a soul. Vampires, by definition, don't have one."

"Well, then I guess 'gramps' here IS alive," Spike quipped.

"And whose definition is that?" The girl asked the wolfboy quietly, scrutinizing him.

"I don't know who originally said so, but I know firsthand that it's true. This one here," he waved a thumb at Angel, "has a soul. It was taken away for a while, and he became evil, and turned good again when he got it back."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "You all really think it's all as simple as that? What do you know about the nature of vampires?"

Spike decided he didn't like this girl. "I should think I know a sight more than you, luv, since I AM one, and you're not!"

She smiled, evilly, he thought, and raised a brow. "So a wolf knows more about the biology of its body than a human who has actually taken one apart and looked, huh? You can only know something if you STUDY it, take it apart piece by piece and examine it. Most beings go through their entire existence only knowing WHAT they are, not how or why. So I ask you again to tell me what you think you know."

"What makes YOU such an exp-" Spike began.

"My people have been hunting vamps for EONS!" she sneered. "Unlike some bloodlines, mine never forgot who they were!" She looked at Oz pointedly.

Spike sighed. It was going to be a long imprisonment.

The two vamp creatures raced through the city's alleys, trying to stay out of view of any humans or monsters. Every once and a while he found his instincts urging him to snap the rabbit up in his jaws. It was the flash of movement that caught a predator's attention, and he kept seeing that flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He managed to just barely keep himself in check. He wondered if the rabbit was fighting a similar instinct to run from the dog. Then he thought better of it. Becoming a vamp had made the rabbit a predator, as his nose well remembered from the creature's attack. Yet, despite their bad start, he found himself kind of liking the little fellow. It was nice to have an animal friend, one he could talk to, and that knew what it was like to be a vamp.

He almost stopped when he felt it. A sudden surge of anger, that was over as soon as it began. It didn't feel like it came from within himself. It felt like the rage he sometimes felt emanating from Spike when the man fought a demon, an almost palpable heat. But he shrugged it off. Nicky's words about familiars were just getting to him. It was wishful thinking.

Angel had decided to answer the girl's question, hoping to avoid a fight between her and Oz. They were going to have to all work together to get out of their jam.

"Sunlight!" That got her attention away from the wolfboy. "We can't be in sunlight, or we burn up. We can't bear the presence of crosses, and its touch will burn is. Holy water is like acid to us. A wooden stake through the heart will kill us. We don't need to sleep, or eat, or drink anything but blood. Our hearts don't need to beat, but they do if we are excited or agitated. We CAN eat normal food, and we can make love. We are cold to the touch, unless our heart beats or we are freshly fed. We normally don't have souls. And we live forever."

She smiled. "Now we're getting somewhere. Ok, so lets think about each of these things. You need blood to live. Why?"

Spike told her what he'd told Xander about blood not so long ago. He remembered the awkwardness, the resignation he'd felt then, and they desperate need to be accepted. His heart had been beating then. He'd felt the blood moving through him, and almost felt alive. He was also acutely aware then of how NOT alive he was. How that fact made a wall between him and the Scoobies. Between him and Buffy.

"Now why do plants need the sun? Why do humans need to eat?" "Energy." Oz replied. She nodded. "To function, to MOVE, everything needs energy of some sort. For vamps, the energy comes from blood. But rather than blood being a carrier of food and oxygen, like it is in humans, in vamps it's food in and of itself. They are like a sponge that must be kept moist. It's no coincidence that blood and saltwater are very similar. The ocean is the womb of the Goddess from which all life on earth began. Becoming a vamp is like dying and then having a psuedo-rebirth. The body is animated through a different means of life, but animated nonetheless. So the blood keeps the body alive, keeps it from deteriorating, keeps it regenerating, constantly reborn. Not really so different from humans."

"But NOT human, luv," Spike pointed out, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"No. Vampirism is a disease. When you become infected, your body is transformed to make it more hospitable for a demon entity. But one might say that if it walks like a human and talks like a human... Look. There are a lot of ways to make a cup. You can cast it in metal, throw it on a potter's wheel, mold it from glass or clay or plastic. The material is different, and so it the way it was made, but the END result is the same, and THAT is what counts. Hyenas are genetically closer to cats, but in shape and behavior are more like dogs. There are a lot of different ways for a boy to function, and still end up alive."

"Ok, so I'm still wondering about the sunlight and cross and holy water thing, how does THAT fit in? I mean, so long as we are talking about Vampire physiology..." Lorne wondered idly.

"The cross burns because vampires are evil, and it's the ultimate symbol of good. And the holy water works on the same principle." Angel said, as if it were simple.

Lydia was trying hard not to laugh. "Ok, smart guy, then what about the sunlight?"

"... It's... the light of God! Annnnnnnd... evil can't... stand up to Him!" He nodded vigorously, trying to seem confidant in his answer.

"Well, you've got it partly right. I suppose I should have expected answers like that from someone named 'Angel'."

Angel scowled, and Spike tried not to grin, forgetting how much he was irritated with the girl himself.

She continued. "Ok, this explanation is in a few parts. First, you have the simple matter of the sun affecting dead matter. Dead things decompose faster in sunlight, so it stands to reason that a 'dead' body would want to stay out of the sun, and a vamp's body is like a well-preserved dead body in many respects. One might think of blood as embalming fluid, keeping the body in stasis, but you still want to keep the body in a cool place and out of sunlight. But that's only a partially effective answer, since we've already determined a vamp isn't really dead, just living by alternative means. Ok, so if a vamp isn't really dead, then we could look at it as an allergy to the sun. There are humans who get burned quite easily in sunlight, and some whose skin goes so far as to burst open and bleed when burnt. Given the delicate nature of a vamp's quasi-dead skin, they take it many steps further and literally burn. And, if you want to get really symbolic, the sun is a symbol of fire, a great purifier. It stands to reason that, if a demon is a negative being, then the sun would be burning the demon out of the body, but unfortunately take the body with it. The same goes for holy water, which is also a purifier.

"As for the cross, it IS a holy symbol, but not for what you think. At least, not in this case. When you study to be a witch, you are taught that symbols and words have power because they act as magnets for specific energies. We chant and envision god aspects in order to invoke that power within ourselves, a sort of mind-over-matter meditation. Long before Christianity, there was the SOLAR cross, whose sides were all equal and represented the four directions and elements. Altogether it represented the sun, S-U-N, not S-O-N. So when a vamp is touched by a cross, they are basically being hit with the power of the Sun.

"The stake is a symbol too, one of earth. The earth to which we go when we die. The heart is the seat of the blood that keeps a vamp alive, even if it doesn't beat. Put a stake through it, and it's magic against magic, the power of earth sending the vamp to their final rest."

Angel looked skeptical, but Spike found that she made a lot of sense. He wasn't one to believe in deities, but life and death and science he could. Sure, there was a bit of metaphysical mumbo-jumbo in there, but she had added a scientific logic to it. At least the elements were a tangible thing, something he could see and feel...

The group sat there a moment, each trying to absorb what she'd said and decide what, if any of it, was true. All save one of them.

Lorne raised a hand. "Ahhh, I don't mean to break up this nice little philosophical discussion, but don't you think we should be trying to get OUT of here?"

They all nodded, and set their minds to chewing on the problem at hand. All but Spike, who had the strangest feeling that Lydia and their captors had been right, that Cerberus was rushing to find him. He felt like he could feel the dog's claws clicking as they raced in the back of his mind.

Somehow Cerberus knew they'd reached their destination before Nicky said anything, before the rabbit had even stopped. Maybe it was a whiff of demon he'd caught, but he thought it was something else. HE thought he could feel Spike near, but he didn't know how, since he couldn't see, hear, smell, touch, or even taste him. It was just a feeling.

HE didn't get a chance to think on it. They were in the open, a big field before the circus. Cerberus felt a ball of dread in the pit of his stomach, making him want to retch. He remembered those tents, the tortures he and his friend endured. It was a certainty that their friends were here now. And there was no way to sneak in. The grass was too short to crawl through, and the gibbous moon shone bright on their white fur. they were going to have to rely on their speed to see them safely inside.

Sure enough, when they reached the enclosure, they were spotted. They bolted for an area far off to the left of the guards. With their vampire-enhanced strength, they leapt the wall just before the guards reached them. The only problem was, there was a guard standing right where they landed on the other side.

The demon muttered a hearty curse in his own tongue as the two little beasties struck him from behind. It wasn't enough to do any severe damage to him, but the animals took a moment to get oriented from their fall. Unfortunately, a moment was all it took for the monster to grab hold of Nicky.

"Well, this is some service!" the demon commented in his guttural tongue.

His fellow guard had come over to see what was the matter. "What is that?"

"My dinner!" the first guard replied cheerily.

The second guard spotted the dog on the ground. Cerberus was just getting to his feet. The guard grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and held him up. "Hey! This is a dog!"

The first guard shrugged, trying to get a firm grip on the struggling rabbit. He liked to swallow his food whole-- and alive. For his part, Nicky was trying to kick and bite, but the demon's tough skin seemed impervious to his attacks. The monster was about to pop the rabbit into his massive jaws.

"Hey, you idiot, that's the bunny! These are the two the bosses have been waiting for!"

The first guard lowered the small vamp and pouted. "Awww. But it's just a little bunny, the bosses would never know if I ate it..."

"I'D tell them," the second guard informed his friend while he held Cerberus immobile around his neck, hands clamped firmly around the dog's legs. Cerberus' bites were just as ineffectual as the rabbit's had been. "Besides, we're sure to get a great reward for capturing them both," the guard continued, oblivious to the gnawing.
 

They had worked out a plan. Well, it wasn't much of one, but it was something. They had gotten the other demons that were captured to agree to revolt with them, a play on the tactics Spike had used the first time he was caught. Their captors would have to open the barrier sometime... Still, Spike couldn't help but think something was wrong. Why hadn't they been put in their own individual cells while they were all still unconscious? But all he could do was wait with the rest of them.

"So what about souls?" Oz asked out of nowhere.

"Huh?" Lorne looked at him like he suspected the boy was going rabid.

Oz ignored him. "You talked about physical life, but what about what I said earlier? That many cultures believe it's the soul that makes you alive?" He looked at Lydia intensely.

For her part, she almost didn't seem to hear the question at first, a bit startled and put out of sorts by the other were's attention. She reminded Spike suddenly of Buffy, how she seemed to jump from attraction to loathing and back again like a pendulum. The thought brought a sad smile to his lips, but no one noticed.

"That's a good question," she said finally. "I guess this whole scenario depends on your definitions of 'life', 'death', and 'souls'. But what I would like to know is, what makes you so sure vamps DON'T have one?"

Angel sputtered. "If they did, I wouldn't have needed a spell to get mine BACK!"

Lydia wagged a finger at him. "That spell was to get your HUMAN soul back. And I, for one, resent the assumption that only human have them. You were half-right, my skinwalking brother. To live takes SPIRIT energy, the lifeforce. A soul is made of spirit energy, but not every body has a soul. Yet a body STILL needs spirit energy. Vamps have that-- they get it in blood just as any other creature gets it in food. It is also in air, and in minerals. It stands to reason that, just as there are different manifestations of earth, in rocks and trees and flesh, there are also different manifestations of spirit energy. Human, wolf, demon. When a vamp is made, their bodies are changed to make them a suitable host for demon energy. Most of the time, the original soul, if there even WAS one, cannot cope, and is driven out by the demon. Other times, the soul manages to adapt to the new surrounding."

Oz's expression was unreadable as he asked, "What do you mean when you say not every body has a soul, yet spirit energy is necessary to live, and souls are made of spirit?"

"Don't mistake the messenger for the message. You can make ice out of water, but is all water ice? Spirit is the power that moves the universe. It is a material that can be shaped. A body is a vessel, into which spirit is poured. Sometimes ice cubes are poured into the vessel too, sometimes not. Sometimes the ice cubes form later, based on the conditions the vessel is exposed to."

"All right, what about the reflection thing? I mean, about vamps not having one?" Oz asked, his voice still almost monotone.

She cocked her head curiously. "Why does everyone assume that mirrors reflect souls? I have seen the reflections of people I have known for certain to be soulless. I have looked in different mirrors and seen myself look completely different in them. Mirrors can lie, and anyway, what we normally see in them, when we aren't scrying, is simply the reflection of light around us. I don't know why we don't see vampire reflections-- maybe the reflections really ARE there, and we only THINK we don't see them. Or maybe it's some freaky scientific anomaly dealing with light and their skin. I think the lack of a soul is really the very least likely explanation-- after all, Angel has a soul, and he can't see himself in a mirror."

Angel had a question of his own. "You said that sometimes a soul... gets used to its surroundings. Is that what happened to me?"

Lydia smiled sadly. "No. What the gypsies did to you was completely ridiculous, punishing your human soul for what your demon soul did. It would be like punishing an innocent who happened to wear the same bowling shoes as a murderer, knowing full well you had the wrong man all along. You are not one with your body anymore, Angel. You are a soul trapped in a suit of armor, rather than being soaked into your body like it was a sponge. The spell allows you to move the body about, and keeps the demon soul at bay."

Angel felt a chill go up his spine at the thought of sharing his body with another soul, and a demon one at that.

She continued. "No, Spike is more of what I had in mind in that respect."

The bleached vamp had only been listening with half an ear until then. He stared at her curiously. "Whaddya mean by that, luv?"

"Well, it's only a guess really. I don't' really know you, but from the sense I get of you, I'm almost certain your human soul didn't leave."

Spike laughed. "Now that's a good one! No. I don't think so, luv. A demon even said to me, not long ago, 'Funny, I don't smell a soul on you...' Nah, it's just this sodding chip in my head!"

She shrugged. "I don't think so. The chip couldn't make you loyal, couldn't make you risk yourself for others. But mayhap I am wrong. Or mayhap he had the same prejudice as most beings do, thinking of the word 'soul' as being synonymous with 'human'. See, it's like soda. No matter what it's in, it's the same ingredients, but soda from a bottle tastes different than soda in a can. It takes on a metallic taste in the can. I believe that's what happened to you, Spike. Your human self, as I understand it, was a sort of volunteer in being turned. So I think your soul stayed on, wanting the things that becoming a vamp offered. In effect, your human soul BECAME a demon soul. But not entirely so, more of taking on the 'taste' of your demon shell. So this demon who spoke to you smelled one of his own. You're like a hunter using 'doe juice' to throw off a stag, tricking him into thinking you were like him. What's more, I think your human self is actually making changes to the demon mold, or maybe prevented the change from happening completely. I think you're a new breed of vampire, Spike. I think, if you truly wanted it, you could even turn yourself human again."

There was a shocked silence. Lorne broke it with a girlish giggle.

"Yeah, right! Honey, you do NOT know the Big Bad if you think that!"

She gave Lorne a look that stilled the laughter in his chest instantly. He visibly swallowed. She smiled wolfishly. Lorne remembered she WAS a wolf. It did not make him feel better.

"You, as I understand it, are not at all typical of your species."

"Y'got THAT right, sister!"

"Is it so inconceivable that Spike could be as far from a typical vamp as you are from YOUR kind?"

He couldn't argue with that.

"The ice of your soul is melting, Spike, I can almost see it. It's up to you to change the mold and refreeze it into something else. We can all do it, really, and infinitely. There's no such thing as a last chance."

Spike shivered a little; he hadn't thought of it in terms of souls, but he knew he had changed. To use Lydia's own metaphor, Buffy had melted the ice of his heart. What if the girl was right? Could he become human? What's more, did he want to? If he were human, he could see the sun again, but would he be trading Dawn's life to see it? Could he still protect her? Maybe the answer was to become a new breed of vamp, like she suggested he was becoming already. A good vamp who was at peace with himself (well, at truce, anyway), unlike Angel, who constantly struggled with his true nature, his human soul at war with his vamp shell. Then Spike wondered about the demon soul that was to have inhabited his body. He decided he didn't want to know.

"You seem to know an awful lot for a... what, 18-year-old?" Lorne squinted at her.

She smiled, and it seemed to Spike as if she'd aged a thousand years before his eyes. Yet she didn't really look different at all. "Let's just say wolves have an excellent racial memory. And we've been known to channel gods now and again".

Spike felt his flesh crawl. He'd been down that path before, with Glory. He hoped he hadn't found another one, one that was trying to mold him for her own purposes. Yet he didn't FEEL like she was evil. She made him feel... calm. Safe. If she had ever channeled a god, certainly she was doing it now, channeling some sort of Mother goddess who was intent on lecturing them and putting them straight on a few things, all while she dusted them off, tucked in their shirt, and cleaned the dirt off their faces with her spit. He hoped she let them out to play soon...

Lorne decided not to touch that one. "So if you're a vampire hunter, why haven't you staked these two?" he asked instead. "I've seen you chat with Angel in the club a few times; you can't tell me you didn't know what he was!"

"I never said I was a vampire slayer, I said my people were renowned for hunting them. Really, it's all a matter of protection. Humans are kin to wolves, so we protect them as pack. It's that simple. Although some of my relatives see vamps as an abomination. It is considered a crime against the gods to kill one's kin, and like it or not, vampires are kin to humans."

"I've known werewolves to kill humans, and take a lot of pleasure in it." Oz told her, although it was hard to tell if he was skeptical of her or not. It seemed he just wanted an explanation.

"Most werefolk nowadays have not been raised among our people, but among humans, or only one or two werefolk who were also too far removed from our collective people to know what they are truly doing. They have human mindsets, which they carry with them into the wolf form. Hell, they can't even complete the change!"

For the first time Oz looked genuinely puzzled. "Complete? How do you mean?"

"Have you ever been a full, true wolf?"

"No. I mean, why would I? We AREN'T true wolves."

She smirked. "In the sense that we are not full-blooded wolves, no. But we DO carry wolf blood within us, we are not just some creature that resembles one. Most of the ones raised among men get a little power-trippy when they wolf-out. They can never shake the human desire to hurt and rule, delight in it even. Hence, they never achieve full-wolf form. They are dire-wolves, humanoids with wolf strength and hunger, fur and fangs, but human greed and hate. Even those who are normally gentle humans lose themselves in the power and in the simplicity of the wolf's thoughts. There is no need for a wolf to moralize, they follow their instincts. A human without morals follows their desires. And humans killing humans is a common enough occurrence as it is. No, my friend, it is your humanity that makes you dangerous when the moon is full, not the fact that there is a wolf inside you."

Oz looked like he wanted to deny her, but didn't say a word. Spike supposed that, on his spiritual sojourn, he had learned well that lying to yourself was foolish. He felt his heart go out to the boy; it wasn't easy to come to terms with the monster within one's self. No doubt Oz had thought he already had, and was now learning he had been fighting the wrong part of himself.

"You still don't believe me, do you?" She smiled sadly. The smile seemed to stretch across her face until Spike realized her jaw was expanding. Hair began to sprout all over. In seconds, he saw the wolf he'd met back in Lorne's club. Then she changed back.

For the first time, Spike saw Oz lose control (well, aside from the way he lost it when he wolfed out). His eyes teared, then became waterfalls. His silent sobs spoke volumes to a vamp who knew what grief was. Oz had lost Willow because he could not control the monster within himself, and had just learned that the monster had nothing to do with being a werewolf, but was more of a preconception, a figment of his own mind. He need not have lost his love. Somehow losing your true love was made all the worse if you could blame it on yourself.

Lydia took the boy in her arms, rocking him gently as she smoothed his hair. The two vamps and Lorne politely drew themselves off to the side a bit. The rest of the crowd was completely oblivious.

Spike looked at Angel accusingly. "Sooooo, I wonder how she learned so much about me..."

Angel shrugged. "I saw her perform at the club after our little encounter. She was curious about us. She'd been raised to think of vampires as disease-carrying pests to be exterminated without thought. But in us she saw more than that, and she wanted to know why. I think meeting us has made her decide NOT to be a vampire hunter. She said that it was high time her people remembered to take each being in the world aside from the rest and judge them on their own merit. She said that her people scoffed at the human tendency to generalize everything, yet apparently were just as heinously guilty of it themselves. I told her not to worry, we all tend to do that. I told her that I had long assumed YOU were evil, and that I would be without my soul, because that's what we are taught. Vamps are evil monsters, end of story." He averted his eyes. Spike thought he saw the man's eyes glittering before he turned away. "But you proved me wrong by being there for Buffy." He laughed ruefully. "You never were a good liar, Spike. What could I do but believe you when you told me that you had loved her? And thinking that you managed to do good things withOUT a soul just made things harder for me, knowing what a monster I was without it. I think now that... if she had lived, you might have been able to make her happy..." His voice crumpled, "when I couldn't."

Spike scoffed and gave his friend-gone-enemy-gone-friend a comforting pat on the shoulder. "You forget all the evil things I did, mate. I'm not called Spike for nothing. And if she's right, I HAD a soul when I did those things! If anything, I'd say that makes me more of a monster than you EVER were. ME. WILLIAM. The poofter who wanted to be a bad boy and run with the big dogs."

The guard that held Cerberus wasn't hurt by the dog's teeth, but he was getting tired of being gnawed on. He gave the mutt a knock on the noggin. The pup let out a yelp and was still.

"'Ey! Don't damage the star!" One of the bosses smacked the demon on the head, but with considerably less force with his puny human strength. The guard flinched all the same. "Sorry boss."

Spike let out a cry of pain, and fell back against the straw that lined the tent.

Angel and Lorne rushed to his side, but couldn't find anything wrong with him. "What's WRONG with him?" Lorne asked, a note of panic in his whining.

"Nicky says Cerberus was hit for misbehaving," Lydia's voice told them. They moved aside a bit and let her and Oz have a look. "Nicky is close enough for me to hear him." She didn't sound happy. "They've been captured," she informed them as she lifted a lid and looked into Spike's eye.

Angel watched pensively. It felt strange to be worried about the younger vamp, who he hadn't really liked even when he didn't have a soul. He supposed it was true that, when you hated someone, eventually you had nowhere left to go but to love (well, like) them instead. He suspected that was what had happened to Spike in regards to Buffy. And he couldn't truly hate someone who loved Buffy (well, except maybe Captain Cardboard).

"Well? Do you know what's wrong?" Lorne asked after waiting a few impatient moments.

She looked at him with an expression of her own, one that asked if he was truly daft. "I told you, Cerberus has been hit."

The three conscious men shared a confused look.

She rolled her eyes. "Spike felt the strike through their bond!"

Oz and Lorne were still baffled, but Angel thought he at least partly understood. He sometimes felt Buffy's pain over great distances. He told himself that the reason he hadn't felt her die was because he'd been in another dimension at the time.

The other two didn't get a chance to question her further. The tent flap opened, and their captors walked in accompanied by three demons. One carried a large metal cage, which he set down in the center of the tent. The other two threw their own burdens, the two familiars, inside it. Nicky tried to run out, but the cage door was slammed in his face. he stomped a foot in frustration. That woke up the dog, and through him, Spike.

The captives all waited for their captors to make an opening in the magic barrier that held them. All but Spike, that was, who threw himself against it in his desire to reach his dog. He bounced off it, knocking over Oz as he flew backward.

Their captives laughed heartily. The taller man, Milton, said to his diminutive companion, "Cor, Nikki, we could use the dog as a carrot to train that one!"

A growl rumbled in Lydia's throat.

"What'sa matta, luv?" Milton asked her, getting as close as the barrier allowed.

"Don't talk to my Nicky like he's a friend of yours!"

Milton gave his friend a perplexed look. "You know this chippie, mate?"

The Russian approached the girl with a lecherous smile. "I should like to hope I vould remember such a pretty face... Maybe I should take her out and get re-acquainted."

And then she understood. The little man's name was Nikki too. She smiled naughtily at him, but not for the reason he thought. She couldn't contain her glee as a plan formed in her mind. Then she pouted at him. "How could you forget the night we shared in St. Petersburg?" She prayed he had actually been there.

His eyes flashed with recognition, or so he thought. "Ah! My little babushka! Forgive dis old drunken fool, de vodka clouds my memory! Of course I remember you now!" Nikki crooked a finger at her. "Come closer to de barrier, my sveet vone."

Smiling still, she stepped up as close as she could. In a moment he had her arm and was dragging her through. She noticed he had a bracelet on that wrist. She could feel the power in it. Being a witch, it was no trouble for her to figure out that it had allowed him to cross over the barrier and pull her through without cutting a door. She knew she could learn more. She let herself be led out.

"Sleep toight, mates. You've all got a hard evenin' ahead of yehs." They could see the light of the predawn as Milton opened the tent flap to leave.

Feeling defeated, the gang sat back down on the hay. Spike leaned against the barrier at the point closest to his canine companion. He looked odd, leaning on nothing. Oz looked like he'd had his heart ripped out. Angel and Lorne looked pretty unsettled themselves. Was Lydia a friend of the Russian? What had just happened?

It was a good thing she hadn't eaten in a while, or Lydia was certain she would be yawning in a technicolour fashion at that moment. She was on the verge of dry-heaving as it was. The Russian had his hands all over her, and was going at her neck like he thought he was a vamp himself and causing the collar he had placed on her to chafe her. She forced herself to return his caresses, trying to block out the rancid smell of his sweat, and the wetness of it.

"Darling," she purred in his ear after a while, "do you think my familiar could be let out?"

"Vhy?" came his muffled voice against her skin. "De little creature is used to being in a cage, yah?"

Not at all, she thought to herself, but she didn't tell him that. She didn't want him to think her Nicky was more than a vampire pet. Instead she told him, "He must be so scared, locked up in that cage with that awful dog!"

"I tink he can hold his own, my dear, but if you please me, I may let you keep him in here vith us later." He started moving his hands under her shirt, but she managed not to cringe. Instead she began to fondle him in an intimate place, causing him to sigh. She complimented him, teased him, distracted him for a while. Then she asked, "Could you at least put the dog in with his master? So my bunny could have the cage to himself, I mean."

He shook his head without removing his lips from her torso. "No, the dog would get out. Animals can pass through barriers like that. Ve don't have another small cage, and I vont chance putting such a prize in vith de other demons, dey might eat him."

She smiled, and he thought it was because she was enjoying his attentions. But then he stopped, and looked her in the eye. She saw suspicion there, and felt the icy claw of fear threaten to rip her heart from the cage of her chest.

"Don't get any ideas, my sveet vone. If you try to set your little friend free, you vill be in for a nasty.. SHOCK..." he laughed and resumed his fondling. "De cage is spelled to electrocute anyvone who interferes vith it but Milton and myself. You vill find that the collar I have given you prevents you from assuming your volf form. And if you try to ESAPE..." he squeezed her chest painfully, "I vill say de vords that vill activate de spell I placed on you, and kill you."

She swallowed in fear, but the action was only for show. She thought to herself that he couldn't speak if she bit his tongue off... or ripped his throat out. He had deluded himself into thinking the danger inside herself lay in her wolf blood... She spoke to her familiar mind to mind, and told him what she had learned, as well as how she thought they might escape.

Nicky told Cerberus what Lydia had told him, and told the dog to tell Spike. Cerberus wouldn't believe the little bunny about the telepathy. The rabbit bit the dog's left forefoot in irritation. The dog yelped.

Spike gave a cry as well, and rubbed his left hand in pain. "Leave off, ya bloody rat! Cerberus, are you gonna let that lil' furball push you around?"

Cerberus noticed curiously how his man-friend had cried out as he did, and rubbed his own hand ass if he too had been hurt. He heard the vamp say, "Stupid lil' git! 'Ow could he fight off vamps and other demon nasties, and be afraid of a lil' bunny?" And then he realised he hadn't heard the words with his ears. Could it be?

**Who are you calling a git?! And what the hell IS a git, anyway?**

Spike blinked and stared at the dog. he looked around to see if anyone else had said it, but how could they when he had only thought the words, not said them aloud. Was one of their fellow captives a mind reader?

**Did you hear me, Spike?** Spike scowled, still eyeing the crowd. "Uh, yeah, but... who are you? WHERE are you?"

"Um, Spike, you okay there, buddy?" Lorne asked him.

Angel and Oz looking at him like he had gone nuts. Which was a viable assumption on their part since it seemed like he was talking to himself.

**What do you mean, who and where?!? I'm right in front of you! It's ME!** He turned his eyes back to the cage, and found Cerberus staring at him intently. Could it be? **Cerberus?** he thought tentatively.

The dog wagged his tail, smiling as he looked at the rabbit a moment. **He CAN be taught!** The dog turned his attention back to the vamp. **Listen, Lydia thinks she's found a way to get us all out. She says Oz needs to go wolf, and then he can cross the barrier. He can allow anyone who's touching him to cross too, but he has to change ALL THE WAY, or it won't work! She's going to try to escape, but it would be best if everyone was already out when she got here. We are to wait for her signal, though, when the sun sets.**

**What about you two?**

**She says Angel needs to be the one who lets us out. Whoever tries to open the cage will be electrocuted. It won't kill a vamp, but if YOU do it, then I will be knocked unconscious too, and I need to be able to cross and help everyone escape quickly.**

"I cant ask him to do that!"

"Ask who to do what?" Oz asked.

**What's your worry? Sure, it'll hurt, but he'll live! C'mon, we need to get a move-on!**

So Spike reluctantly told them Lydia's plan.

Angel and Oz did not look thrilled, but Lorne was cheery enough for the lot of them. At least until he asked Spike, "Now you're SURE your not just losing it? The dog really DID talk to you, right?" The others echoed that question in their eyes.

Spike wished he could answer yes with more confidence.

For her part, Lydia had no trouble disposing of Nikki. She let him use her as he pleased, reminding herself all the while that she was doing it for her friends, and picturing Oz in the man's place. They slept for a while, and awoke as the sun was setting. He told her she was to stay put while he took care of business. She begged him for a goodbye kiss. Pretending to french him, she bit his tongue out. While he was choking on his blood and fainting from the pain, she used her human teeth to rip his throat open. She almost gagged on the taste of him; the man had NOT been taking care of himself. She wiped herself clean with his blankets, and put her clothes back on. At the door, she stopped and addressed his corpse as she tore the now-inactive collar off. "Maybe you were human, and I'll pay for this with my karma... But then maybe you were far more a monster than any vampire, and I have just protected my pack." She threw the collar at him, and left.

**Now.** she calmly told her familiar.

"I dunno, man..."

"C'MON! You know it's possible, you SAW her.."

"I-I KNOW, but..."

Spike put on his game face and gave Oz a solid punch. It was as if he had punched himself with the pain that shot through his head from the chip. A yelp reminded him that he had hurt Cerberus too. "Sorry boy..." he apologized form the floor.

It had worked, though. Oz had wolfed out. Once the process had begun, he decided he might as well make a go of finishing it. He called on the meditation techniques he had learned, but this time, instead of envisioning himself as a man, he pictured Lydia. How she'd looked as a wolf, how she'd smelled, how much he'd wanted to run his fingers through her fur. He had done his best to ignore her at the club because he thought he was just going through what he had once before, when he'd met another female werewolf, that it was just a mating thing. Lydia had asked him about it when the others had gone off for a bit, and she had been comforting him. She told him that she could smell the desire on him, and asked him why he held back. She had listened to his story and even cried when it was done. She held him again, and told him that everyone had to be judged on their own individual merits. She asked him if he would refuse to date a human, and he said no. She pointed out that his relations to others of his kind should be given the same consideration. Then in the next breath she told him that he should consider asking Willow and Tara if they would be willing to do a three-way mating. He said he thought she liked him. She told him with a smile that she did, but she did not know him enough to love him yet, and would not interfere with his heart. He looked into her eyes and saw the seed of the wisdom she had spoken all night, as well as endless kindness. She seemed to understand him, and everything else in the world too. He saw enough love there for the world. Seeing that, he found it hard to believe she did not think she knew him well enough to love him; he felt he could love her, if he tried.

So he DID try, for her. And he succeeded. He attained the full form. He wished she were there to see it. He didn't love her yet; the church of his heart was still dedicated to Willow. But Willow had abandoned it long ago. He found himself thinking it wouldn't be hard to convert.

He only allowed himself a moment to enjoy his success before he started to lead others across. He took Angel, Lorne, and Spike over first. He went back for more as Angel opened the cage.

Sure enough, there was a surge of power, but he managed to hold on long enough to get the door open. Spike caught him as he fell, and slung him over his shoulder fireman-style.

The animals helped Oz with the transfer, and it took only a minute to get everyone out. Lydia got there just as they were finishing. She'd had no trouble walking through the circus grounds as the demons prepared for the night's shows. Besides, it was inconceivable to them that anyone could walk free who wasn't supposed to. Their bosses were well versed in demon lore, and very good at holding them prisoner.

It was easy for them to dispose of the two guards. Lydia stepped out and told them there was a problem. They followed her back in, and were jumped by the large group of demons inside the tent. She told the newly-freed lot to walk outside as if they had every right to be doing so. Everyone ignored them as they made their way out the gate. All but Lorne, Spike, Angel, OZ, Cerberus, Nicky, and herself were out the gate when the commotion started. Milton came racing for them with a pack of demons. He had found his partner's body. Not that he cared much that the man was dead, but he wasn't about to let his star attractions escape.

He didn't have a choice. Cerberus and Nicky raced towards him. They were unnaturally quick, and tore into him before anyone had even noticed them. With their boss dead, the demons were at a loss as to what to do. Cerberus and Nicky trotted back to their friends, licking their chops. Together, the group walked nonchalantly out the gate. Behind them, all hell literally broke loose as demons that had been held against their will revolted against their captors.

Lorne sighed when they got back to the club and saw the ruins of its interior. "I need to start investing in sturdier materials."

The rest of the gang laughed and offered to help him clean up. Spike ducked behind the bar and grabbed a few bottles. He served up "vampire bloody marys" for himself, Angel, and even Cerberus and Nicky.

"HEY!" Lorne protested.

"Sorry mate, I don't work on an empty stomach, and I don't work for free," Spike informed him solemnly. At the reprimanding looks the others gave him, he couldn't keep a straight face anymore. "Kidding! Jeez, lighten up! Angel, Oz, you guys should be used to cleaning up after Armageddon, after living in Sunny D. I rather think I've become a bit of an expert m'self," he added ruefully.

"Oh yeah?" Angel asked. He tossed a broom to the bleached vamp. "Prove it."

Spike caught it with a grin and started to pretend he was Darth Maul, complete with game face. The others laughed, then set to work. Angel found a radio in the back, and turned it on. Lydia and Oz worked side by side. Oz stopped and played air guitar on his broom when a song he liked came on, sending Lydia into a fit of giggles. Spike watched them as he swept.

**You miss her.** It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, mate," Spike whispered. "I do."

**I know. I can feel your pain. You're not alone.**

Spike smiled sadly, and reached out to scratch the dog's ear. "I know that, too."